


the secrets that lie (between you and I)

by hailynx



Series: Spheres [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Final Fantasy X, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Background Character Death, Background Relationships, Death Rituals, Falling In Love, Falling Out of Love, Friendship, Game Spoilers, Human Sacrifice, Implied Relationships, M/M, Minor Character Death, Non-Graphic Violence, Panic, Panic Attacks, Profanity, Psychological Trauma, Rituals, Sacrifice, Self-Doubt, Self-Sacrifice, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Survivor Guilt, Threats, Threats of Violence, Tragedy, Trauma, Triggers, Unrequited Love, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-16 05:14:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 50,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7253920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hailynx/pseuds/hailynx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Koushi is on a pilgrimage, ready and willing to give up his life to defeat Sin.</p><p> <br/>Then he meets Oikawa.<br/> </p><p>The one who asks to be his Guardian and his Final.<br/> </p><p>Oikawa, who’s set on saving Sin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Haikyuu!!.  
> Please do not translate or repost/reupload.
> 
> Thank you to Jeannette for encouraging me on this fic! You really helped me when I was feeling down!  
> I've been writing this since February and it's not going anywhere so I'm going to break it up and post it in chunks to get my motivation going!  
> References to non-Haikyuu characters are from a fic I wrote a couple of years back in the same 'verse.

At the end of the game Koushi automatically jumps to his feet and cheers much louder than he intends to. The crowd is overflowing with both cheers for the winning team and cries for the losing team but it seems like Nishinoya hears Koushi amongst them anyway. Swiftly, Nishinoya turns right to where Koushi is seated and dances happily in the water. It’s a gesture just like him and it brings a wider smile to Koushi’s face.

 

“C’mon,” Koushi says as he nudges his friends along. “We should go see them.”

 

Koushi cannot help but smile, mood alleviated by watching the Besaid Aurochs’ victory against the Luca Goers and star player Ushijima Wakatoshi. It’s been a while since they have anything to celebrate so Koushi drags his friends along to meet the team back in the locker room. Inside, everyone is high on the excitement and Koushi smiles as he ruffles all of the members’ hair affectionately. It’s an old ritual, starting from their eldest, Tanaka, Narita, Nishinoya right down to their youngest, Hinata, Kageyama and Yamaguchi. They do have a few missing today, but it’s something that Koushi tries not to think about.

 

“Let’s go eat,” Koushi suggests once he’s done with the praises for their efforts, “I’ll buy.”

 

Every member on the team exchanges nervous glances but when Koushi reassures them with a smile, they follow in his footsteps. Hinata and Kageyama break into cheer first, both of them full of energy despite all the swimming that they have been doing (and in Kageyama’s case, it always looks like _negative_ energy). Everyone glows at the prospect, without mentioning how buying food is Daichi’s role. Koushi is glad for it, happy to lock away the memories for good. Koushi watches as Hinata and Kageyama race off to the tavern, only to be followed by the rest of the team in their excitement. It’s actually a little hard to watch because there’s no one here that could stop them in the way that Daichi normally does.

 

“I’ve got it,” Ennoshita assures and Koushi looks down to see that Ennoshita is completely done with his stretches and is ready to chase after the bunch of youngsters. “I’ll meet you there.”

 

Before Koushi can say anything, Ennoshita has dashed off. Koushi ends up waving to nothing but Ennoshita’s receding back. Asahi chuckles a little nervously but gives Koushi a nod before chasing after Ennoshita and the team. Asahi isn’t outwardly as reliable as Ennoshita but having two people around should calm the team down a little.

 

“You’ll spoil them,” Shimizu chides, choosing to walk by his side.

 

Koushi laughs, “It’s only for a short while.”

 

When Koushi finally arrives at the tavern, all the members of the Besaid Aurochs have filled up the place. Hinata and Kageyama are jumpy and it’s not really surprising but Koushi doesn’t want to be paying for any damages to property. Smiling politely, Koushi clears his throat and asks them to settle down a little so that they don’t disturb other patrons. It’s not that Koushi doesn’t want them to celebrate. It’s just that the space is small and knowing the team, they’ll wreck havoc if left alone. To compromise for restricting their movement, Koushi tells them to eat up and they order without any restraint.

 

“Hell yes!”

 

The team cheers at his generosity and Ennoshita shoots Koushi a look of disapproval. Koushi flashes his friend a wide smile but they don’t fight over it. It’s not a sight to be seen on such a good night. The team orders away and Koushi should be worried for his wallet because Nishinoya, Tanaka, Hinata and Kageyama eat really well but he might be able to pull Asahi in to help him foot the bill. Koushi sits a little further away and watches the team with a small smile on his face. Koushi could play on the team, but he doesn’t have a purpose there anymore. It’d be a good reason to stay and return home, but Koushi cannot practice on the shore of Besaid Island. If he can’t practice in preparation for the games then it’s all pointless.

 

“Did you see that Suga-san, did you?” Hinata exclaims and he’s probably the only one who can’t adjust to the change in titles. Koushi wishes that everyone would be like him, but they’re not. “The last ball went like GWAH! It felt so good!”

 

“Yes, yes,” Koushi laughs, picking up a napkin and handing it over for Hinata to clean up the mess he’s made with his wide gestures. “You did well.”

 

It’s not surprising that Kageyama picks a fight, pointing out Hinata’s mistakes throughout the game and then promptly saying something about the mess that Hinata has just made when he spilt the water across the table. Koushi sighs in response and when he looks down, finds that the napkins by his side are all gone. It looks like they will be needing a lot more than what they were given. Looking up, Shimizu meets his gaze and he shakes his head.

 

“I’ll go,” Koushi says, getting up to go fetch some more napkins but he doesn’t get very far. “Just stay—”

 

“Summoner!” Someone bellows causing Koushi to fall right back into his seat.

 

Koushi’s eyes widen with a start. He is not used to such loud greetings from strangers. Koushi looks up at the man slowly as he wills the sound of the heart thudding in his chest to silence. Aside from the team, people are usually quiet and reserved around him. For a second there, he thought it was Lord Akasshi and his crew of Guardians again, but Koushi would have recognised Bokuto and Kuroo’s voices, and of course, Tsukishima’s quiet presence, creeping up on him.

 

“Um…”

 

Koushi pulls a tight smile across his face as a form of greeting, to be friendly and approachable because that’s what a Summoner is meant to be. Although Koushi is a little bit thrown off by the face that continues to close in on his, he cannot let it show. Koushi has to fool the world, so he can’t falter now. However, the person before him might be a little more obnoxious than Bokuto, or just drunk if the smell on him gives anything away. Whichever it is, Koushi allows himself to feel more amused than offended.

 

“Yes…?” Koushi replies carefully. “Can I help you with anything?”

 

Koushi’s words are purely offered out of politeness. He knows that he can’t offer much as a Summoner. Most people don’t want anything from him other than a Sending, or for him to defeat Sin and bring the Calm. If it’s one of these things, Koushi can try to achieve it. If it’s anything else, Koushi will most definitely have to decline.

 

“Yes,” he says, smile bright and radiant like the moon out tonight.

 

“Then…?” Koushi treads carefully, because he can feel all eyes in the tavern on him—it’s a very uncomfortable situation to be in, but Koushi is a known face so he must keep up the polite act. “How can I…?”

 

“Hm…” the stranger contemplates but it’s easy to notice that it’s a fake gesture because the words that he says next are well calculated, “Make me your favourite Summoner, your number one.”

 

Koushi blinks, a strangled _huh?_ dropping out of his mouth before he can stop it. There’s no reaction from the stranger other than a wide smile. Surprisingly, the alcohol doesn’t seem to have affected the stranger too much. His eyes are focused, full of force that _could_ make Koushi submit, if Koushi were not grounded on his status as a Summoner.

 

“Choose me, Summoner.”

 

 _Oh,_ Koushi thinks, because that’s something about the only other thing that he can do as a Summoner. The stranger before him offers a very tempting proposal and Koushi needs a moment to register it, to weigh up the pros and cons. Koushi mumbles in his throat, opening his mouth and then closing it again because he doesn’t know what he can say in response. Koushi stares at his new company until he feels dumbfounded because the stranger is starting to look like a _familiar_ one. After looking for so long, Koushi has a feeling that he has seen that beautiful face somewhere before. It’s an odd thing, to remember a beautiful face, framed by soft chestnut brown hair and graced with glossy marbled brown eyes. There are so many people in Spira that could fit the bill but Koushi feels oddly drawn to this person before him.

 

“My Lord,” Shimizu cuts in immediately, grip tight on Koushi’s arm. She has probably sensed his curiosity and wishes to cut it short. “It’s getting late.”

 

“But…” Koushi replies, a little stunned by Shimizu’s sudden but smooth appearance. “The celebration—”

 

“It’s been long enough. You should rest,” Shimizu interrupts firmly, still tugging. “We have an early start tomorrow.”

 

“Shi—”

 

“Ennoshita will look after them,” Asahi squeaks out after Shimizu pinches him.

 

Koushi would laugh at how obvious they’re being, but aside from being his friends, they are also his Guardians in name, so they know what’s best. Koushi cannot fight them on this. Giving the stranger a tight smile, Koushi slips out of his seat, waves goodbye to the team and quietly slips over to where Ennoshita is.

 

“I’ll leave them in your care,” Koushi says to Ennoshita, as he passes Ennoshita the gil to pay for their order. It’s not enough to cover everything, but Koushi hopes that Ennoshita is too absorbed in the drama to notice. “Feed them, okay?”

 

“Don’t worry,” Ennoshita promises easily, “I’ll keep them in line.”

 

Koushi finally cracks a laugh because the whole team freezes in response to the hidden threat. It looks like Ennoshita is also capable of scaring them into submission in his own way. Koushi goes quietly, but the man that had come crashing on their table doesn’t give in so easily. He gets up just as quickly to follow but Asahi cuts in to lead Koushi to the nearest inn. Shimizu is the one that stays behind, hand on the hilt of her blade and Koushi knows that Shimizu is more than capable of driving the oddly familiar stranger away.

 

 

 

 

 

Although Koushi has complete trust in Shimizu, it’s not a surprise that the man from the night before finds Koushi like it’s no difficult feat. The stranger is waiting at the entrance of the Mi’ihen High Road because that is Koushi’s next destination and maybe that’s just common knowledge but whatever it is, Koushi will have to deal with it now. It’s a bit annoying, because Koushi had come out early with plans to hunt down High Summoner Jongdae’s sphere, but it looks like he’ll have to put a stop to it. Still, Koushi can’t help but smile ruefully when he sees the man, who seems like he has something that he isn’t willing to give up. Taking Koushi’s smile as a positive sign, the man waves brightly, like nothing had happened and Koushi scoffs.

 

“Are you here to apologise for last night?” Koushi greets because he’ll get into trouble if his friends find him entertaining the offer that he had gotten at the tavern last night.

 

“Uh,” the man blinks in consideration and then nods slowly, like he has just come to the realisation that admitting to it would be the best course of action, “Yes?”

 

Koushi laughs at him because Koushi can see that he really believes that there’s nothing to apologise for. The man hadn’t been particularly rude and Koushi isn’t fussed, but he doesn’t want strangers to think that that kind of behaviour is acceptable. Koushi might be able to tolerate one person jumping at him and asking to be a Guardian, but he can’t allow it to happen again because he’s let the situation pass once. Koushi needs to draw the line somewhere.

 

“Then?” Koushi prompts because he hasn’t exactly apologised yet.

 

“Oh! I’m sorry I didn’t get to introduce myself,” he states with a smile, minus the ceremonious greeting that Koushi has practiced since childhood. “I’m Oikawa Tooru.”

 

Koushi stares at him, nodding slowly in acknowledgment but without any intentions of answering. He doesn’t need to give Oikawa a reply, but Oikawa is waiting and Koushi can already see the retort brewing. Koushi can see the mischievousness in Oikawa’s face and Koushi is not going to allow Oikawa to insult all the Summoners around Spira. Koushi might be different from the rest, but it’s not reason to have Oikawa generalise.

 

“Sugawara Koushi,” Koushi replies and greets Oikawa with ceremony. Koushi puts his hands together into prayer, both palms held as if they’re holding the Blitzball, one candling the bottom of the ball and the other, resting on top, then he bows. “How did you know, last night?”

 

“Kou-chan,” Oikawa says carefully, like he’s testing the syllables on his tongue. Koushi is half offended, half amused at Oikawa’s form of address. The endearing suffix is very uncommon these days and especially towards a Summoner. “You look the part.”

 

Oikawa points to Koushi’s robes and Koushi realises that of course, the robes would be it. These robes are symbolic for Summoners. It’s a tradition that has been seeped in and Koushi can’t get out of it even if he tried. Koushi looks the part, but only because he has to. It would be nice if Koushi got to travel across Spira looking like a normal citizen but then none of the Temples would welcome him. At the very least the colours are nice, black with orange as a pop of colour so that it’s not completely gloomy.

 

“I guess…” Koushi mumbles.

 

Oikawa just flashes him a wide grin and sweeps Koushi away just as Shimizu calls for him. Koushi jerks right around, just about ready to raise his voice so that Shimizu can find him, but a hand that comes wrapping around his wrist takes him by surprise. Turning back abruptly, Koushi looks at Oikawa with disbelief as he engages in a futile battle of tug-of-war because their hands are intertwined for no reason at all.

 

“Don’t go just yet,” Oikawa pleads, squeezing a little. “Lend me a bit of your time.”

 

Koushi can’t even reply because Oikawa is already pulling him along the Mi’ihen High Road. Koushi knows when not to let things get too far, but he’s kind of distracted. The image of Oikawa is still familiar to him. Right now, it’s especially eerie. The image of Oikawa’s straightened back and the way his hair fights against the wind is vivid in Koushi’s mind. It feels like nostalgia, but it’s not a good memory—not one that Koushi wants to relive. Pulling back with all the strength that he has, Koushi taps at Oikawa’s hand, gesturing for Oikawa to let go. It doesn’t do much other than earn a shrug.

 

“What do you want from me?” Koushi forcefully yanks his hand away and takes a step away from Oikawa.

 

“I would like to serve you,” Oikawa says like it’s no big deal. “So please make me your Guardian.”

 

“But I barely know you,” Koushi replies warily, rubbing at his wrist. Koushi doesn’t look at Oikawa just in case Oikawa is looking at him with a puppy-like expression to draw him in. “I think it’d be inappropriate to do that to you.”

 

Koushi means what he says, but Oikawa doesn’t seem to register his sincerity. Oikawa opens his mouth to reply and his face tells Koushi that he’s going to be flighty about it. Koushi readies himself to turn Oikawa down completely, but before he even manages, Koushi senses the danger and jumps backward to avoid Shimizu’s blade. As expected, Shimizu doesn’t intend to give Oikawa any light of day. She has managed to get up the stairs in a flash, with her blade drawn and the tip of it at Oikawa’s neck. Koushi realises that Oikawa is equally fast because he managed to step back and put his hands up in surrender just before she hurt him.

 

“I’m sorry,” Oikawa winks and Koushi would like to warn him that that kind of thing won’t work on Shimizu, but it’s kind of satisfying to watch, especially after what Oikawa has done. “I haven’t done anything—”

 

“ _Yet_ ,” Shimizu cuts Oikawa off, inching the tip of her blade closer to his neck. It’s not really a threat, because she’s got the dull edge of the blade at his skin. Hopefully Oikawa hasn’t noticed. “Back off.”

 

Koushi watches as Oikawa looks about, as if he’s searching for something that he can do to change Koushi’s mind. Shimizu makes it clear but Oikawa can’t read the atmosphere to save his life. No matter how much Shimizu glares, Oikawa doesn’t seem to understand the implications of it. To be honest, Koushi finds it a little amusing, but he can’t say it—no, the Summoner in him needs to be responsible.

 

“Let’s go,” Shimizu says, grabbing onto Koushi’s arm to guide him. “Don’t turn around.”

 

“Yes ma’am,” Koushi sing-songs despite trying to hide his amusement.

 

Oikawa’s face falls, but it’s not an expression that lasts. However, no matter what it is that Shimizu wants, none of them can stop Oikawa from following along. It’s not like Koushi and his friends rule the Mi’ihen High Road. But Koushi knows better than to stray from Shimizu’s words, so he follows along quietly, as Ennoshita and Asahi stagger behind to make sure that Oikawa doesn’t come any closer. It’s actually a good thing, because Ennoshita has been chasing Koushi all morning and now, he has an excuse to keep distance.

 

“Keep up,” Shimizu instructs.

 

Koushi smiles, “Yes, yes.”

 

Honestly speaking, Koushi wonders why Shimizu isn’t the Summoner, but he knows better than to voice his question on the matter. It’ll bring up a lot of unwanted sadness so he follows quietly on the road. It’s a relatively empty path, except for the fiends. The lands of Spira are usually barren and free of people. Koushi finds that the pilgrimage is dull and boring. Everyone is too serious, but then again Koushi understands that the pilgrimage is not something to be taken lightly. At this moment, Koushi is the one that’s not taking it seriously enough.

 

Many Summoners die before they make it to the end. That’s to say, that the pilgrimage might be dull but not at all safe. Koushi and his friends are to be on guard at all times to avoid a premature death. Although death is inevitable, that can only happen upon the completion of his pilgrimage. Anything before that would confirm Koushi’s incompetence.

 

“What did he want this time?”

 

“To be a Guardian,” Koushi replies with amusement in his tone. “A bit strange isn’t it?”

 

Shimizu stops for a moment and turns back to look at Oikawa. Oikawa perks up immediately at the attention and promptly raises both of his hand to wave at her. Oikawa even adds the charming smile but Shimizu isn’t the type to fall for such things, especially if they come from someone as slippery as Oikawa is. Clicking her tongue in annoyance, Shimizu turns back, puts a hand on Koushi’s elbow and pulls him along.

 

Shimizu scrunches her face together, looking distasteful, “He doesn’t look like Guardian material…”

 

“Well,” Koushi laughs but only a little, because they don’t really have room to judge Oikawa based on his appearance alone. “Asahi looks it but…”

 

“Suga,” Shimizu clears her throat, trying to contain her laughter. “Stop that.”

 

“Sorry,” Koushi replies sheepishly. “But don’t mind him too much. Oikawa is free to go wherever it is that he likes.”

 

“That’s true but…” Shimizu steals another quick glance and frowns deeper. “No matter how you slice it, he’s following us.”

 

Koushi doesn’t have to look to know. Koushi can feel Oikawa’s presence and can hear him in the background. Despite being ignored, Oikawa’s voice is surprisingly cheery, with soft and light tones in it. Oikawa is also unexpectedly literate as he fills Koushi’s friends in on the historical context of the Mi’ihen High Road. Even though they’re a distance away, Koushi can still hear Oikawa’s rambling. He sounds very knowledgeable and it’s getting to both Ennoshita and Asahi. Before they know it, Oikawa is walking between them. Shimizu turns around with a glare, but Koushi chides her gently, by giving her a light pat on the shoulder.

 

“We’re short on time aren’t we?”

 

“You don’t have to tolerate this,” Shimizu tells him.

 

Koushi smiles, “It’s educational?”

 

Shimizu pins Koushi with a look and it clearly communicates _what use is that in a world like ours?_ and all Koushi manages to do is shrug silently in response. Shimizu is right. No matter what it is that Koushi comes to know about the wonders of Spira, there’s nothing in it for him other than knowing. Koushi cannot make use of the knowledge but for now Koushi will take whatever distracting things Spira has to offer for as long as he can.

 

 

 

 

 

It’s not exactly acceptance but Koushi cannot stop Oikawa from going where it is that he wants to go. Koushi will just have to deal with it as it comes. Besides, if Koushi can be honest, Oikawa is entertaining in his own way. After Oikawa finishes his speech about the Mi’ihen High Road, he challenges Shimizu to a duel, claiming it as a chance at revenge. Koushi can only guess what went on, but he trusts that Shimizu’s skills are second to none. She has been trained since young and even if it was only hunting fish to begin with, her agility and keenness prove the better of her.

 

“Go for it,” Koushi says, smiling. “We should take a little break.”

 

They are probably just going to reach half way of the Mi’ihen High Road. Although Koushi doesn’t want to face Ennoshita’s wrath yet, they really need a break from walking. They have been on the road for hours and their tolerance is waning in the face of the countless fiends. However, Koushi’s agreement to the duel might not be the brightest choice because Ennoshita shakes his head and Asahi looks like he’s in great pain just thinking about it. Perhaps, the altercation last night didn’t go quite as Koushi had imagined.

 

“What…?” Koushi mumbles, “Was that not right…?”

 

It’s too late to retract the statement. Oikawa looks like he wants to prove something and only gives Shimizu a minute nod before he changes his stance. Shimizu is just as quick to respond. Despite the fact that they disagree, Koushi can tell that Shimizu has a great time sparring with Oikawa. He’s competent and she’s not holding back too much, but there’s still something Shimizu keeps hidden in her sleeves because Oikawa is just a civilian. When Shimizu and Oikawa come to a standstill, she withdraws her blade, slightly miffed that she hasn’t won. Oikawa could let it go, but he doesn’t make it any easier on himself.

 

“You are amazing,” Oikawa compliments. His words are genuine but at the same time, Koushi can hear the challenge. “I have a lot to learn from you.”

 

They don’t have to say it, but Koushi can see that Shimizu has things that she can learn from Oikawa as well. She nods in acknowledgment of the compliment but turns away to retreat herself. Returning the blade to its scabbard, Shimizu makes her way back to where Koushi is and sits down right next to him. That signals the end of today’s sparring. Because neither of them has won, Shimizu can’t stop Oikawa from coming along and Oikawa doesn’t have grounds to get any closer. It’s an odd arrangement that has come about out of physical actions rather than words of agreement.

 

 

 

 

 

“We should take a proper break,” Shimizu suggests when they arrive at the travel agency, located in the middle of the Mi’ihen High Road. “It’ll be a long way to Djose Temple.”

 

Although they enjoyed the Blitzball match, they haven’t had a real break since they got off the S.S Winno at the Luca Docks. Koushi nods his agreement because his friends definitely deserve a relaxing break. Unlike Koushi, who can temporarily let his guard down, his friends cannot. With the duty to protect him, Koushi’s friends are always on high alert.

 

“We’ll rest here,” Koushi announces loud enough for Asahi and Ennoshita to hear.

 

They give him a knowing nod and Koushi enters Rin’s Travel Agency to get them some rooms. Ennoshita and Asahi share, Shimizu has her own and Koushi has his own room too. He could share with Ennoshita and Asahi, but Koushi has secrets that he’s needs to keep from them. Shimizu follows closely and when Ennoshita and Asahi arrive, Koushi gives them the key that he has received while strictly avoiding Ennoshita’s gaze and of course, the sight of Oikawa.

 

“I’ll head off first,” Koushi says and Koushi tells himself again and again to not get attached. It’s kind of scary that a reminder is necessary every time he sees Oikawa lingering. “You guys can do what you like but make sure you rest up too.”

 

To Ennoshita, that’s like permission to go around with a sphere in his hands instead of demanding that he rests. It’s probably the only way for Koushi to earn his forgiveness for the stunt back at the tavern. Luckily, Ennoshita nods in agreement, declaring a deuce between them before he goes. Shimizu might frown now, but they will both be able to see the lovely sight once Ennoshita is done filming. Asahi on the other hand, looks like he’s being cornered by Oikawa, but Koushi can’t stay to watch the fun. Shimizu has a hand on the small of his back as she pushes him inside.

 

“You may rest,” Shimizu gestures at Koushi’s door.

 

“You should rest too,” Koushi suggests but Shimizu shakes her head.

 

“I’ll stand here,” Shimizu replies with confidence that she will carry out her task impeccably.

 

Koushi knows that Oikawa is loitering, but Shimizu doesn’t need to sacrifice what little time they have to rest up on something trivial like this. Koushi can hold his own when he needs to. Shimizu has already been on guard all day. Koushi wants her to rest up while she can. They will run short of time as the pilgrimage progresses and as they get closer to the ruins of Zanarkand. Koushi would like her to enjoy parts of the pilgrimage before the guilt eats away at her, as it does him.

 

“I’ll lock the door,” Koushi gives her a smile that falls slightly flat because he is tired. They should all rest. Koushi shouldn’t be treated as special just because he is the Summoner. They have been friends for so much longer than that. “You should rest as well. I promise not to come out until you come and get me.”

 

Shimizu stares, as if trying to detect whether or not Koushi is lying. Smiling wider, Koushi reiterates his promise until she gives in with a stiff nod. After agreeing, Shimizu stays until Koushi goes inside and turns the lock. But of course, when Shimizu goes, Oikawa comes knocking on the door. Oikawa tempts Koushi by saying that he has something interesting to show, but Koushi is a person that keeps his words, so he answers with silence.

 

“Kou-chan,” Oikawa whines.

 

Koushi cannot help but chuckle quietly into his hand. Once again, he feels like a child. It’s been so long since anyone has called him such an endearing nickname. It’s hard not to give in, but Koushi has no intentions of breaking his promise. However, Koushi doesn’t want Oikawa to be standing there all night. Quietly, Koushi tips toes over to the door and gives it a light knock as a form of acknowledgement so that Oikawa will feel some degree of satisfaction.

 

 

 

 

 

Koushi doesn’t think that Oikawa will give up and Oikawa lives up to those expectations. When Koushi and his friends wake at dawn, Oikawa is already prepared to leave with them. It’s just like he’s a part of Koushi’s guardianship and Koushi almost falls for the trick, letting Oikawa lead. Luckily he catches himself and before Shimizu can say anything to shut Oikawa down, Koushi acts first. He gives Asahi and Ennoshita a knowing look before tugging Shimizu’s arm and dragging her forward.

 

“We’ll just pretend we don’t know him,” Koushi says to her though he _might_ like to get to know Oikawa. Oikawa offers something that Koushi is tempted to take, the chance to save his friends with the life of a stranger. It’s not an offer that comes by this easily. “No need to waste our energy, right?”

 

Shimizu doesn’t look impressed, but she goes along, because she’s already exhausted all of her methods. Oikawa seems like the frustrating type to deal with, so Koushi would rather they not allow him that delight. Besides that exhausting fact, Koushi doesn’t think that he can win. Oikawa is always one step ahead of them and Koushi has to admit that Oikawa is a truly formidable opponent.

 

“Maybe we’ll lose him at Mushroom Rock Road,” Shimizu mutters.

 

Koushi laughs in response and Shimizu pins him with a sharp stare until he stops. Of course Shimizu is the one to keep him in line. Asahi is the one that allows everything to pass, always feeling sorry towards Koushi. Asahi is completely easy to read and from time to time, Koushi will take advantage of that to be just that little bit playful. Ennoshita on the other hand, tends to laugh at Koushi’s misfortune because there’s not much else he can do. It’s a relatively easy going party to have for the pilgrimage and Koushi is used to this dynamic.

 

It’s another long day on the Mi’ihen High Road before they reach their next destination. Koushi’s feet are sore by then but they must forge on. There are no convenient rest stops on this road and Koushi has no desire to stay. Mushroom Rock Road is quiet like the dead. It is only when they move further on the road that a few people that start to fill the road. There aren’t a lot but Koushi greets them with bright cheer, because everyone needs a smile. It’s not a permanent stop, but where Koushi’s presence is requested, he is always happy to stop and chat.

 

“Good evening,” Koushi greets with a bow.

 

“Good evening, my Lord,” a Crusader greets him with equal ceremony. “My name is Minowa. It is an honour.”

 

“Is there an operation?” Koushi asks carefully as he looks around.

 

“Just a meeting my Lord,” Minowa replies politely. “There’s nothing set in stone yet. Are you on your way to Djose Temple?”

 

Koushi nods and Minowa flashes him an easy smile. From there on, he calls upon one of the other Crusaders named Aone and directs him to show Koushi and his Guardians the way around. Apparently they have a few apparatuses up and they don’t want Koushi and his Guardians to get caught up in it. If there is no operation on at the moment, they won’t need Koushi here anyway. Koushi allows Aone to lead, talking quietly with the young man only to be given stern replies in the form of a nod.

 

It’s not very inviting, but Koushi understands that there is some reluctance in using Summoners to exercise Sin and this is especially true among the Crusaders. Minowa had been agreeable, but he had also asked them to move on quickly. Being polite, Koushi can only move on as requested. Mushroom Rock Road is not a place for him to stay anyway. For a Summoner, Mushroom Rock Road is just a path that leads to the next Temple. There’s nothing to keep Summoners here.

 

“I’ll leave you here,” Aone says and it’s about as talkative as he gets.

 

Koushi bows politely and when he lifts his head, Aone is running back to the direction that he came from. There are young adults around and even some children, greeting him in uniform. It’s a heartbreaking sight to see, but Koushi cannot stop them from doing as they wish. Summoners may be the only ones that have managed to bring the Calm, but there’s no telling when the Crusaders’ efforts will bear fruit either. Koushi cannot discount their hard work on the account that they have yet to achieve something.

 

“That was scary,” Asahi sighs in relief as soon as Aone is out of sight.

 

Ennoshita breaks into a laugh and Asahi frowns as he nudges his friend. Sensing Asahi’s distress, Koushi chuckles quietly into his hand so that he cannot be heard. Asahi isn’t really Guardian material. Asahi gets scared easily and has a high amount of self doubt. Koushi would rather he be at home, where it’s safer and where Nishinoya would be constantly on his back, trying to toughen him up. Home is the place that Koushi would like to send them all but here they all are. It’s strange, because as strong as Koushi is, he couldn’t win over them.

 

“It’s alright,” Koushi assures Asahi with a warm smile. “We’re leaving now.”

 

Asahi nods without looking back. Koushi doesn’t have to do any more to see his friend at ease. As if he understands, Oikawa takes the chance to slip into Asahi’s side and begins speaking brightly. It’s enough to distract Koushi, so it’ll probably be helpful to Asahi. Continuing on his way, Koushi flashes Shimizu a smile, hoping that it’ll be enough to tide them over until they arrive at Djose Temple. Shimizu doesn’t put up a fight, probably already accepting that they can’t get rid of Oikawa no matter what it is that they try.

 

As they continue on the road, Shimizu and Ennoshita take on different tasks. They go from scouting to guarding to make it an interesting mix, probably just to entertain themselves. On the scout, they take their time seeing as the road is endless and empty. Asahi sticks closer now that they are both gone and Koushi gets to have Oikawa chirping information by his ear. Koushi listens attentively for a short while but it’s not distracting enough this time around.

 

“There’s a beach around here?” Koushi asks as soon as he tastes the sea on his tongue. More than that though, all his other senses take over and the feeling of his breathe catching in his throat is almost enough to choke him. His smile trembles but he hopes that he sounds eager rather than terrified. “I hadn’t heard…”

 

“Yeah, but we don’t have to cross it,” Oikawa points out helpfully, “If we just walk pass it, we’ll get on Djose Road.”

 

“Oh,” Koushi mouths and pulls his lips into a thin line. “Thanks.”

 

Oikawa flashes Koushi a wide smile and Koushi would smile back to be polite but he recognises the little tilt in Oikawa’s expression and decides against it. Oikawa is still trying to promote how useful he will be if Koushi were to allow Oikawa to join him on the pilgrimage as a Guardian. Sighing, Koushi slips onto the other side of Asahi and clutches onto his arm instead.

 

“Sorry,” Koushi says flatly now that he is safe with a shield. Licking his dry lips, Koushi reaches up nervously to rub the ache at his temples away. This isn’t good. “I appreciate it but I don’t need another Guardian.”

 

Asahi peers down at him, worry lines showing on his forehead, “Suga…?”

 

“I’m fine,” Koushi grunts, but his actions don’t support anything he’s saying. “We should try and catch up.”

 

Asahi nods as he gives Koushi’s arm a firm squeeze. Koushi doesn’t like open waters much. It always reminds him of Sin, Sin’s spawn and the aftermath of an attack. However, if the beach that connects Mushroom Rock Road and Djose Road are on the way of the pilgrimage then Koushi will need to cross it. It’s something that Koushi has to get over so instead of thinking about the body of open water, Koushi thinks about the famous Basilisk on Djose Road and the hilarious sight that Asahi will show him. It’s an entertaining image that makes Koushi smile, albeit tightly and only for a short duration.

 

“Suga!” Shimizu runs back while giving them the signal not to go any further. “We’re not proceeding yet.”

 

Koushi thinks that it’s the beach that Shimizu is shielding him from but it’s not. Even if she is trying to protect Koushi, nothing can help. The sound of Sin’s wailing is more unique than anything Koushi’s ever known. Sin is not something that Shimizu can prevent. Despite her efforts, Koushi senses everything. It’s not really surprising that Sin is here. Clicking his tongue, Koushi removes his hands from Asahi’s harms and steps aside to give him some free space to think.

 

“Ennoshita’s still there though?”

 

Shimizu looks away and it’s not even her answer that knocks sense into him. Beside them, Oikawa is already on the move, dashing forward on the path towards the sandy beach that’s hidden just around the corner. Koushi knows what it is that he needs to do but his feet are heavy and sluggish.

 

If Ennoshita has stayed then it must mean that there are a lot more people than Koushi is anticipating. But of course there would be. The Crusaders are holding a meeting today. Koushi hadn’t seen many people earlier, but if Sin is truly here, then there must be a significant number of people gathered. He cannot ignore that.

 

“We’re going,” Koushi says upon clearing his throat. “The people are our first priority, okay?”

 

It’s a command of a Summoner more than anything. If it were any time before this, Koushi would have been the first to run, grabbing his friends and making them flee with him. He wouldn’t have hesitated to repeat his actions of two years ago to save them first. But now, Koushi has a whole load of responsibilities on his shoulders and he had promised personally, that he will see to it. There’s no way he can back down now with the excuse of dealing with it later during his Final Summoning.

 

“I’m counting on you Azumane,” Shimizu says quietly, ignoring Koushi.

 

It’s just like them, working together to try to keep Koushi away from the danger. Taking on the task that Koushi has asked of them all, Shimizu rushes onto the beach, leaving Asahi to pull Koushi back into a safe area. Koushi doesn’t bother struggling because he knows that he can’t win against Asahi’s strength. What Koushi needs to do is wait for Shimizu to be out of sight. Then his opportunity will come. No one is resilient to Sin, no matter who they may be. A Guardian or not, Asahi has fears and Koushi doesn’t mean to use them but it’s the only way.

 

“Wait, Suga!” Asahi wails, tightening his grip as Koushi begins to struggle within his arms.

 

Koushi is quick to shake him off, “Is it okay to lose them too?”

 

By them, Koushi means Ennoshita and Shimizu but it conjures up the image of their families, friends and the former Besaid Auroch team members. Asahi’s eyes flash with hurt and Koushi bites down on his lips to stop from apologising immediately. He cannot give in, not until the wanted effect kicks in. Just like that though, Asahi’s grip on Koushi’s wrist loosens enough to let him go completely. It is only then that Koushi lowers his eyes in apology before running off first. Koushi shares Asahi’s fears as well. Neither Ennoshita nor Shimizu expect Koushi to come running so soon, but they can’t stop him once he’s there.

 

“Sin Spawn,” Asahi informs, jumping forward to shield Koushi. “Be careful.”

 

Koushi clicks his tongue as he glances around himself. Aside from the sandy residue, there are no traces of Sin, just Sin Spawn gnawing at the life presence that are there. Shimizu and Ennoshita are trying to fight them off and Asahi, tasked with Koushi’s protection sticks close. Koushi scans everything before him and he can’t find a point of focus, but he needs to be grounded. Koushi needs to calm down and concentrate because the only thing he can do is summon his Aeons.

 

“I’ll be fine,” Koushi assures Asahi as he pulls out his staff. “Go.”

 

The action of drawing out the staff is like a command. Asahi doesn’t argue with it at all. Left alone now, Koushi stands on guard as he studies his surroundings again. Mushroom Rock Road, reflects its name perfectly as a place full of rocks, making it hard to see the surroundings that spread across the horizon. It’s not unlikely that Sin will still be around. Sin always is, but the fact that Sin is here and now, when Koushi is still incompetent is much scarier than Koushi remembers it being. It’s no different from how things were two years ago on Besaid Island.

 

“Is it beneath the water again?” Koushi mutters to himself.

 

Carefully, Koushi averts his gaze to the open body of water before him. It’s not exactly the same, but the setting makes Koushi tremble. The sea is dark and grey, nothing like the light blue hues present on Besaid Island but there Sin is, rising from beneath its surface before descending again. Sin moves comfortably, as if it is at home. Thinking about how similar the image of Sin is, Koushi finds it difficult to breathe. And he’s unable to do anything but watch as his friends fight for the people. It’s a horrible feeling to be stuck in the one place but Koushi can’t bring himself to move.

 

Koushi feet are stuck in the sand and he can feel himself sinking. Koushi only manages to tremble against the wind as the sea level rises. Nothing around him is quiet and calm, but there is one person amidst the crossfire that seems at ease. Koushi’s friends are all busy rescuing the civilians but there is only one other person stuck in place—just like Koushi is. However, Oikawa’s predicament is by choice not fear like Koushi’s. In the midst of the chaos, Oikawa is the only who is indifferent to it all. Oikawa stands there, watching in peace as the winds from the sea run through his hair. It’s an image that resonates with something hidden deep in Koushi’s forgotten memories.

 

Koushi’s heart jumps and he attempts to steady himself by gripping tightly onto his staff. There’s nothing that he can do until everything quietens down. Koushi is not yet the Summoner he wants to be and more so, he remains weak against the image of the sea. Eventually, Koushi does snap back to reality. The waves come in strong and before Koushi knows it, he’s chasing a child that’s being swept away. Her hair is bright red, almost as bright as Natsu’s and Koushi’s body moves before he even manages to stop himself. Rushing past with a wail, Koushi brushes Oikawa’s shoulder and jumps into the water in attempt of saving the child.

 

“Suga!” his friends call collectively but Koushi ignores them all.

 

Crying out, Koushi fights the oncoming wave to reach out for the child that is desperately trying to cling onto him. However, the young girl’s fingers slip through Koushi’s gasp and Koushi feels himself fighting a person instead of the water. All Koushi has to do is swim a little harder, a little further—it’s just a bit more—but his movements are restricted.

 

Jerking around, Koushi attempts a jab at the person to let go, but he realises that’s its Oikawa. Shocked, Koushi’s body loses tension as he tries to process it. It’s a mistake because Oikawa has a strong grip on him and a stronger stroke as he pulls Koushi back to shore. Koushi fights him, but his limbs are sore and his mouth is filled with salty water and his eyes with a deep darkness that scoops him up and tucks him away.


	2. Chapter 2

Koushi blinks sluggishly, groaning in pain as his eyes zoom into Asahi’s concerned face. Asahi breaks out into a crooked smile, probably relived that Koushi has regained consciousness and then quickly places a hand on Koushi’s forehead to keep him where he is. Koushi only allows himself a moment of comfort because his fingers curl and Koushi realises that his hands are _empty_. Jerking right up, Koushi confirms his fears with his own eyes and ignores Asahi, who’s trying to push Koushi back down on his lap, so that he doesn’t run a headache but that’s not even important right now.

 

Pushing and pulling, Koushi uses all of his strength to push himself away from the sand, only to have particles of it cling to him like girth, dirty and heavy. The extra weight feels heavier than it ought to and Koushi’s steps are as sluggish as he feels. Stumbling across the shore, Koushi finds Oikawa sitting in a corner by himself, all soft and nonchalant in the face of the sea. Koushi doesn’t look in that direction and instead looks down at Oikawa’s frame while trying to control his breathing. But Oikawa looks up, an innocent look in his eye, a smile to his lips, like he’s glad that Koushi is okay and suddenly _nothing_ is okay.

 

“What the fuck were you doing?” Koushi spits at Oikawa, holding him by the collar and trying not to shake him along with Koushi’s trembling hands. “What was that?”

 

It’s hard to pretend because Koushi is actually losing his temper and that’s a first in a long time. Oikawa’s eyes are dull and dead, like the surface of the Earth that they’re on right now. It’s infuriating and Koushi is not crying but he may as well be. The water that clings to his hair and his lashes drip from the tip that they hold onto and down to Oikawa’s face. But no matter what it is that Koushi says or argues, Oikawa doesn’t have a response. He just stares up at Koushi with blank eyes, waiting until Koushi is done with his rant. But Koushi could never be done—Oikawa had forced him to let go of a life.

 

“That was a child, Oikawa!” Koushi yells, punching the sand beside Oikawa’s head. Koushi had been aiming for Oikawa, but of course, in the last second, changed his mind. Gritting his teeth together tightly, Koushi forces himself to calm down before pulling himself together and away. “That was uncalled for.”

 

Still, Oikawa says nothing, as if he were one of the dead around them. Koushi scoffs, feeling like he’s wasted his efforts and instead of letting go softly, Koushi jerks away, gesture as if he’s casting Oikawa aside. Koushi hopes that it hurts. Leaving Oikawa on the sand, Koushi pulls himself onto his feet and storms off to where the beach is calm. There’s nothing there but his friends and Koushi glad for their safety. He heads over to Ennoshita first, thanks him for being alive and then Shimizu to give her a hug before moving off to Asahi to thank him for putting up with Koushi’s whims. The five of them are the only ones still alive on this beach and Koushi hates that he has to be thankful that Sin hasn’t taken _his_ friends away.

 

However, it changes nothing about how barren he feels looking at his surroundings. In the aftermath of Sin’s attack, everything is calm like Bikanel Desert on a good day. The water has settled down, sloshing softly, as if Sin had never been here in the first place. Koushi’s surroundings look exactly as it sounds— _silent_ —because the dead cannot cry. The water might be the only thing grieving because Koushi is not and neither are his friends. The sand beneath his feet may carry the bodies that have washed up but there is nothing that Koushi can do to bring them back to life.

 

“I haven’t progressed at all,” Koushi mumbles to himself as he clenches his fists together, nails digging painfully into his skin. “Not even a little.”

 

In the first instance, Koushi shouldn’t have hesitated. The awareness makes everything just a tad more difficult. No matter what it is that other people praise him with, Koushi knows how deep his incompetence runs. Oikawa has added fuel to the flame and Sin has left evidence on the shore to fan the fire. Right now, it feels like the world is against him, rather than Sin.

 

“Suga,” Asahi asks quietly, a hand fisted in the back of Koushi’s shirt. “Are you alright?”

 

“I’m fine,” Koushi whispers eventually. “I can do it.”

 

Koushi pulls away and walks further away from his friend, finding a centre place on the beach to begin the Sending ritual. It’s the only thing that Koushi can do now. Exhaling softly, Koushi draws his staff and looks out to the sea to include those that have drowned within his prayers. It’s regretful that Sendings are such an inherent part of Spira, but Koushi is a Summoner whose job is to perform the ritual without failure. It’s kind of funny, because people die and Koushi dances at his leisure. No one complains, not the people and certainly not the dead.

 

The Sending isn’t much of a difficult task. People die all the time, even without Sin’s assistance. Koushi’s duty as a living Summoner is to dance. It’s a very simple thing to understand. The first was when he stood on the water at Besaid Island to Send his loved ones away. The Sending on Besaid Island was the hardest one so this one should be simple. Taking a deep breath, Koushi holds the staff out front and bows gracefully as he sweeps the staff across the sand to begin the ritual dance.

 

The Sending is a lengthy process. Koushi has to send the people away, has to force their bodies apart, pulling the pyerflies that make up their body from their skin and bones to release them in the sky. It all disperses like a rainbow but it’s nothing pretty. A soon as the sky is clear, the grey clouds surface once again, signalling that the job is done. There are no more souls to send and for that, Koushi is a little grateful.

 

“You did well,” Ennoshita praises kindly, giving Koushi’s shoulder a squeeze.

 

Koushi flashes Ennoshita a cheeky smile, “Right?”

 

Even if Koushi’s smile is strained, Ennoshita doesn’t say anything. Instead, Ennoshita lets out a sigh of relief and Koushi immediately feels his two other friends relaxing along. Asahi is the one that comes forward and ruffles Koushi’s hair. Asahi puts a little more force into it than usual, tipping Koushi’s head down a little, so that he doesn’t have to put on a brave front. Keeping his head lowered for just a fraction, Koushi allows the smile to fade as he closes his eyes. It’s only for a moment because the image of the child calling for him burns in the back of his eyelids and Koushi has to look away.

 

“Thanks,” Koushi says, looking up at Asahi with a smile. “We should go.”

 

His friends nod their approval. There is no reason to stay any longer. However, everything around them is a mess, it’s hard to tell which way is which. Koushi can’t quite recall what their surroundings had looked like before Sin had come for them. The tides had come in high and washed away many things, people, sand and rocks. The road itself is probably safe, but Koushi’s head is starting to spin. Where is it that he should go?

 

“This way,” Oikawa says, appearing right before Koushi and untangling Koushi’s tightly locked fingers apart so that he doesn’t leave any bruises on his skin. “We’ll be safer on Djose Road.”

 

Oikawa tugs insistently but Koushi doesn’t have to put up much of a fight to separate them. All Koushi does is grab onto Oikawa’s wrist, pulls it away from his own and gestures for Oikawa to go forward first. Oikawa looks as if he’ll protest, but Koushi throws him a firm look, causing him to sigh as he advances. If Oikawa knows the way then so be it. Koushi will follow, but only because it’s on the way and because he doesn’t want to stay on the beach any longer.

 

 

 

 

 

When they arrive at Djose Temple, obtaining the Aeon is the last thing on Koushi’s mind. Without even looking at the Temple, Koushi heads directly towards the inn. On his way, Koushi thanks Oikawa quietly for his assistance but doesn’t bother continuing with his façade of politeness. Right now, Oikawa is the last person that Koushi wants to be around. Koushi has calmed down significantly so he can navigate his surroundings by himself. Koushi needs some time alone to collect his thoughts.

 

Not only is Koushi pissed off at Oikawa, there’s something about Oikawa that doesn’t sit right with him. Oikawa has been a bit of an anomaly since the beginning but Koushi is starting to fear him. Right now, there is nothing else on Koushi’s mind but Sin and Oikawa and how calm and collected Oikawa had been in the face of Sin. It brings back so many memories, ones that Koushi would rather forget.

 

No matter how Koushi tries to rationalise it, there is only one conclusion. Oikawa had been there on Besaid Island when Sin attacked two years ago. Koushi is sure of it. That image had burned itself into his memories. Unlike all the other normal citizens of Spira who had broken down in panic, Oikawa had stood on that pier and calmly looked into the distance—looked _at_ Sin. Even as the pyerflies erupted before them, Oikawa was calm and collected, just as he was today. Koushi on the other hand, could only scream in the panic, for his friends who were evaporating like water into the sky.

 

“Argh,” Koushi pulls on his hair in frustration. “I can’t believe this…”

 

Like she senses Koushi’s distress, Shimizu comes right to the door once everything is settled, leaving Koushi very little room to dwell on it all by himself. Koushi can hear her light footsteps and he immediately straightens himself even though she cannot see him. It’ll only be a few more seconds before Shimizu knocks on the door hesitantly. It’s likely that she’s made use of Ennoshita and Asahi to keep Oikawa at bay so Koushi doesn’t have to worry about seeing him yet.

 

“Suga?” Shimizu asks carefully. “Are you still awake?”

 

“Yeah,” Koushi says, because he can’t ever deny Shimizu anything. “Come in.”

 

Shimizu pushes her way in and closes the door, repeating her words, “Are you alright?”

 

“Sorry,” Koushi replies because he can’t say _yes_ even though he wants to.

 

Shimizu nods in acknowledgement, accepting Koushi’s answer for what it is, without trying to push him or console him. It’s not something that’s possible and she knows. Koushi also knows. They’ve come to a silent agreement, not to push each other. That’s how their guardianship works, because without that silent contract, they’d always be butting heads because of the constant worrying and concern.

 

“Don’t mind him,” Shimizu tells him eventually and at the mention of Oikawa, Koushi cracks a bitter smile. “We’ll just do it as planned. You and I.”

 

_You and I_. Just the two of them. There’s no room for anyone else.

 

“I know,” Koushi nods firmly, after meeting Shimizu’s eyes. Koushi is still feeling guilty towards Asahi and Ennoshita for making the important decision without them. “We need to return Asahi don’t we? And what would they do without Ennoshita to keep them in line?”

 

“That’s right,” Shimizu nods in soft agreement. “It’ll be alright.”

 

Koushi laughs a little bitterly, “It’ll be too late to blame us then.”

 

“Don’t put it like that,” Shimizu chides him with the truth, one that Koushi cannot refute. “Do or die isn’t it? Either way, there’s no other way for us to escape Sin.”

 

“Or Oikawa for that matter,” Koushi jokes half-heartedly.

 

Shimizu rolls her eyes, but her tone is deadly so Koushi cannot tell if she’s joking in attempt to cheer him up or not, “If you give me your word, I’ll end him for you.”

 

“Please don’t,” Koushi pleads in return. Any deaths that Koushi causes would defeat his purpose of going on this pilgrimage. “We don’t need to see you do anything like that.”

 

Shimizu sighs, “Alright.”

 

Koushi flashes Shimizu a tiny smile of gratitude and Shimizu nods, sitting there in silence with him for a moment. It’s calming to have her around. Ennoshita and Asahi would do the same for Koushi as well, but Koushi can’t quite face them alone without feeling the guilt. Koushi didn’t have to take them from their normal lives. At home they could be carefree as they trained the younger ones to play Blitzball. But instead they’re here, feeling the heavy guilt of walking Koushi to death’s door every single day this pilgrimage goes on.

 

But they would never let Koushi go on this journey alone. Koushi could have found Guardians outside of his home, but once he told them of his plan, they didn’t let him leave by himself. It was a struggle then and it’s a struggle now. However, Shimizu is the one who’s managed to guilt-trip him into promising that he will make her his Final Aeon. Koushi should be fine with that, but it’s not exactly something that he’s settled with. If it was, Oikawa’s offer to be his Final wouldn’t be so tempting.

 

“Suga…” Shimizu starts quietly and Koushi stiffens, knowing exactly where this is going. It’s not that she minds what will come of the pilgrimage, but Koushi knows that she wants them all safe and at home if that was a possibility. “If—”

 

“Sorry about earlier,” Koushi apologises immediately and gets to his feet. Koushi _can’t_ go home. “I’ll go see the Fayth now.”

 

Koushi doesn’t even have to look at Shimizu to convey his disagreement. It’s not like living a normal life on Besaid Island with their family is something that Koushi detests. It’d be lovely to do so, but it’s not possible while Sin resides in Spira. Koushi had always known that Sin was something that could take away everything from him, but the reality of it all didn’t hit him until the attack on Besaid Island two years ago. Koushi knows that he would not be able to handle it if it were to happen again. That’s why he’s on the pilgrimage in the first place.

 

“Just rest,” Shimizu sighs and presses a blue sphere into his hands, “Don’t push yourself too hard.”

 

Shimizu doesn’t apologise for bringing up the topic, but her instructions are a clear indication of her concern. Shimizu exits, closing the door behind her. Koushi knows that he won’t be able to leave now. Shimizu is standing guard at his door, as if she were standing in the Chamber of Fayth. Looking down at the sphere in his hands, Koushi sighs in relief. Despite trying to fool the world, Koushi has to concede to Shimizu’s judgment. In his current state, there would be no way that he can conjure the Fayth.

 

 

 

 

 

After obtaining Ixion, the Moonflow is the next destination on the agenda for Koushi and his friends. It’s another place that Koushi doesn’t like. Koushi wonders if he can skip the trip, but Oikawa points out that there’s only one route. He even suggests that Koushi would enjoy it. Koushi doesn’t bother correcting him and keeps silent the whole way there. Koushi doesn’t even want to cross the Moonflow let alone see it but it’s another unavoidable part of the pilgrimage.

 

It’s a long walk there, with many breaks in between. It’s like his friends are giving him the chance to prepare himself for another encounter with a body of water. When they finally do get there, Koushi manages to calm himself down before they reach the water. As soon as he spots the Moonflow in his sight, Koushi slows his pace and sends his friends off first so that they can enjoy the sight for as long as possible. Ennoshita already has his sphere out, all ready to record. Asahi and Shimizu’s excitement is just simmering underneath the surface of their skin. Koushi knows that they have been waiting for this moment because of all the hype around the beautiful Moonflow. The fascination with the pyerflies is something that all of Spira are stricken with but Koushi might be an odd exception.

 

“You’re not going to look?” Oikawa asks, slowing his pace to Koushi’s.

 

“No,” Koushi replies without looking up from the ground beneath his feet. Koushi thinks about ignoring Oikawa overall, but he cannot be upset over the loss of that child for forever. No matter what happened, the truth is that Oikawa had saved him. Koushi still has to _thank_ him for that. The thought makes him sick, but Koushi will have to say it sooner or later because he knows better. “What about you, Oikawa?”

 

“I’m alright,” Oikawa says with a smile and because Koushi is paying him the attention, adds a suggestive wink. “I should seize the chance since they’ve let their guards down.”

 

Koushi manages to scoff at Oikawa’s observance. Shimizu might come to regret this later, but Koushi isn’t a child. He knows how to take care of himself. Koushi can probably finish Oikawa off himself but right now Koushi needs a distraction from his surroundings. Oikawa’s good at that kind of stuff, so Koushi allows himself to be pulled along, pass the Moonflow to where the rest stop and the merchants are.

 

“You really don’t want to look?” Oikawa asks, surprised.

 

Koushi is tired from the long walk and at this point in time, the pilgrimage overall. As he has been told, it’s a physically and emotionally draining pilgrimage. The journey is taxing on his body and right now, pyerflies are the last thing that he wants to see. Koushi sees enough of them on the road when they defeat fiends and then some more in the Temples where he prays to earn the favour of the Fayth.

 

“I’m fine,” Koushi states as he sits down and looks into the distance at the Shoopuf. The less focused his eyes are, the better. “Don’t you?”

 

“I’ve seen everything possible,” Oikawa tells him easily. “I don’t need another sight.”

 

“Then there’s no need for you to come along,” Koushi reasons just as effortlessly to shut him down. “You have nothing left to experience.”

 

“It’s not the experience that matters,” Oikawa smirks back, eyes lit up with mirth. “But _who_ I experience it with that does.”

 

“Don’t joke,” Koushi sighs, without missing a beat so that Oikawa doesn’t take the upper hand. It’s flattering, but Koushi doesn’t need to be tied down. “It’s not funny.”

 

“You’re weird,” Oikawa mutters, though not as quietly as he thinks he does. “That line usually works…”

 

Koushi just smiles because he has no rebuttal. Weird is a relative term. Koushi might be weird to Oikawa but normal to others. The same can be said for everyone else in Spira. Oikawa is kind of weird to Koushi anyway. Who goes chasing a Summoner down just to ask to be a Guardian? Oikawa might be the first. Everyone has their own reasons, but Oikawa has refused to provide anything to satisfy Koushi’s curiosity. And who, like Oikawa would stand by to just simply _watch_ Sin, only to risk his life to save Koushi’s? None of Oikawa’s actions make any sense at all.

 

“Are you alright?” Oikawa asks, peering at Koushi carefully. “You’re starting to look like what you did after the encounter with Sin.”

 

Koushi stretches a smile across his lips, a smile of disbelief for his incompetence and Oikawa’s—how dare he ask? Koushi didn’t think that Oikawa would dare bring up the topic, but Oikawa surprises him at every turn. Koushi thinks he should stop being surprised because that too takes a lot of energy.

 

Turning to Oikawa, Koushi’s eyes are sharp, “Is it funny?”

 

“Not at all,” Oikawa shakes his head without any intentions of teasing Koushi for his fears. “Everyone is different. Aren’t you here to deal with it? To defeat your fears I mean.”

 

“Maybe,” Koushi responds with a bitter laugh—there’s another unexpected reaction from Oikawa. “We have nothing to lose, right?”

 

“You really are weird,” Oikawa says and Koushi raises a brow, asking for an explanation. “You laugh more than any other Summoner I’ve known. And you’re _soft_. Maybe too soft.”

 

Oikawa can only say that because he hasn’t seen how ruthless Koushi can be. In the aftermath of the attack from Sin on Besaid Island two years ago, Koushi had shut down and started up again a different person. The anger and resentment is tame and under control now but only because Koushi has the Fayth around to hold him in place and his friends to do the dirty work. Smiling pleasantly at Oikawa, Koushi shuffles forward and rests a hand gently onto Oikawa’s shoulder. The touch is gentle, but the sharp and cool object hidden within the sleeve of Koushi’s robes should tell Oikawa otherwise.

 

“You should know that one can’t become a Summoner like that,” Koushi reminds Oikawa, eyes sharp and aura threatening. A Summoner who wishes to defeat Sin needs compassion for the people, but also a murderous intent violent enough to be able to handle the Final Aeon and banish Sin. “There’s no way I could be soft.”

 

After staring at Koushi for a good long while, Oikawa concedes to defeat with a quiet chuckle, as if admitting that he’s misjudged Koushi. Oikawa’s eyes flicker with mischief as he presses his fingers against Koushi’s wrist to push his hand down. Koushi’s words are the truth and they both know it. Oikawa is sharp enough to catch on. Although his appearance may seem soft, Koushi knows that he’s not as he looks. If pushed hard enough, Koushi can be as vicious as any fiend clinging onto life.

 

“My apologies,” Oikawa says, bowing his head slightly. “You did earn the title of a Summoner.”

 

“No need,” Koushi replies, because he’s been told that he’s soft before. If only he could fool Sin into thinking the same thing, then maybe he could catch Sin off guard and purge it for good. “Just watch your back.”

 

Koushi tucks the knife further in his robes because that had been sufficient as a warning. Since beginning his pilgrimage, Koushi has not hesitated to rid of the things that come in his way. Oikawa will be no different. However, Koushi doesn’t even need to raise a hand for it to happen. If it is something that Koushi wishes for, his friends who have willingly taken on the title of Guardians will do it for him. Blinking curiously, Oikawa breaks into a smile, one that doesn’t sit well with Koushi at all. Oikawa doesn’t seem to want to take Koushi’s words seriously, as if he wouldn’t mind the threat becoming reality.

 

“I will,” Oikawa says and it’s flighty at best. “Thanks for the warning, Kou-chan.”

 

Smiling politely, Koushi turns away and it’s enough of a sign that he would like some time to himself. Oikawa’s use of _Kou-chan_ brings them too close. Koushi cannot allow it to happen at Oikawa’s pace. Luckily, Koushi can hear his friends approaching, commenting on the colour of the water, on the shape of the moonlilies, on the beauty of Spira that remains unblemished despite the plague that is Sin. Koushi wishes that he could appreciate it too, but he just can’t.

 

Despite not having anything to say Oikawa stays to keep Koushi company. Koushi is grateful for it. He doesn’t want to be opening up to Oikawa anyway. It’s not necessary and it feels too much like a well thought out trap. Like if Koushi were to confide in him, it’d bring them much closer than Koushi can bear. Of course, that would be exactly what Oikawa wants. Koushi can be tempted because he’s still inclined to send all of his friends home, but at the same time he doesn’t want to upset them.

 

Once his friends are done looking at the Moonflow, they make their way to where the Hypello driver of the Shoopuf is. Koushi spots them from his hiding place and has to inch out a little to give them a little wave. Not wanting to spoil their good mood, Koushi jogs over to them with a smile. He hopes that Oikawa doesn’t follow, but he does, footsteps dancing to a steady beat after Koushi’s.

 

“How was it?” Koushi asks, smiling.

 

“It was pretty. _Sparkly_ —” Shimizu tells him and her excitement is so great she almost forgets that the word _sparkly_ is the embodiment of Yachi. Once it’s out of her mouth, Shimizu gasps quietly and turns away, looking to the open water. “Never mind…”

 

“Strange,” Asahi nods in agreement quickly to save them from dwelling, “In a fascinating kind of way.”

 

“I’ve got it all on the sphere,” Ennoshita adds informatively but also carefully. “You can look at it when you feel like it.”

 

Koushi can’t help but smile. They look like children again and the memories of their childhood flashes vividly in his mind. Koushi doesn’t think they’ve been happier since childhood, when everything was innocent and easy. But that’s only because children could never fully grasp the true meaning behind the existence of Sin. Koushi too, thought that he had understood it, but it never truly registered until Sin came directly into his life. Overwhelmed by the memories that he holds of them, Koushi softens and relaxes considerably.

 

“Then would you like to rest here until tonight?” Koushi asks, carefully just in case they want to spend the night and watch as the Moonflow glows. Koushi might not want to see it, but he can indulge his friends in it. “You want to watch the Moonflow at night right?”

 

All three of them exchange a look and Koushi laughs at them. Knowing that they cannot say it, Koushi makes the decision for them. It’s always been easy to do things for others, especially if it will have a beneficial effect overall. Staying a couple of hours longer for the view of the Moonflow will be no different from spending a night in Spira anyway.

 

“We’ll leave a dusk then,” Koushi smiles at them, “You can watch from the Shoopuf.”

 

Koushi grins wider when there is uniform silence from his friends. There are no arguments, not even from Oikawa, who sticks around despite looking a little disinterested. For the time being, Koushi will go on a search for the only thing that can entertain him here, though it’s likely that Koushi will get an eyeful of the Moonflow anyway because High Summoner Jongdae seems to be a part of the norm in his love for pyerflies.

 

 

 

 

 

Koushi smiles politely at the Hypello driver and his smile usually relaxes people but it doesn’t seem to be doing anything positive today. Koushi is being polite as usual and his friends all have smiles on their faces but the Hypello still looks tense. Koushi looks around himself for answers and finds that there are two problems. It looks like Asahi is pretty imposing, because the Hypello hesitates a little in his greeting. Or maybe, it’s Shimizu’s aura because Oikawa is standing there with them all, like he’s a part of the crowd.

 

The Hypello driver smiles slowly as he gestures to all five of them. “For you and your Guardians?”

 

“Yes,” Koushi says pleasantly, hoping that it will sooth the Hypello’s pale face. “Please.”

 

But Shimizu is quick to act, pointing right at Oikawa, “Excluding him.”

 

Koushi might be a little pleased at Shimizu’s revenge but he doesn’t show it. Oikawa jumps, gasping exaggeratedly in response to Shimizu’s exclusion. Koushi chuckles and Ennoshita joins in with his antics but Asahi is the one who panics. Asahi is too passive and too easily persuaded. Asahi tries his very best to smooth things over, making a few comments in Oikawa’s favour only to receive a sharp jab in the side with Shimizu’s scabbard. When Koushi places a hand on the tilt of the blade to push it down, Asahi is saved from the pain, but not Shimizu’s hardened glare.

 

“I’m sorry,” Asahi squeaks out and settles quietly in the corner.

 

“Hey!” Oikawa complains, “Man up a little, Azumane!”

 

Asahi flails at the pressure but Shimizu nudges at him, pushing him further onto the Shoopuf, so that he can’t give in to Oikawa’s demands. It’s not very effective, because Koushi can see Asahi squirming in the background, feeling guilty as Oikawa stomps his feet, demanding for some kindness. Ennoshita remains indifferent as he holds the sphere, pretending to be preoccupied because he knows exactly when to be quiet.

 

“I have to go to Guadosalam too,” Oikawa whines. “Can’t we take the trip together? Are you really going to make me wait here for the Shoopuf to come back?”

 

“Yes,” Shimizu confirms. “The driver asked for the Summoner and his Guardians. You are neither of those.”

 

“That’s why I asked!” Oikawa retorts, turning to look at Koushi. “Isn’t that right, Kou-chan?”

 

Koushi forces a smile onto his lips because Shimizu is now looking at him expectantly. It’s difficult, being stuck between a rock and a hard place. They are both staring at him intensely and Koushi feels like he’s going to be thrown out for slaughter either way. Asahi is still panicking on his own while Ennoshita has just turned away with a smirk as he fixes the sphere so that it records. It’s difficult, but at times like these, Koushi doesn’t feel like a Summoner. Shimizu may be on his side, but Asahi and Ennoshita react just like usual, without being too protective of him as if he were fragile.

 

“You won’t be able to lose me that easily,” Oikawa mutters and it seems like only Koushi has caught it. “Stingy! There’s space for one more isn’t there?”

 

Koushi steps back and watches as Shimizu argues with Oikawa. Oikawa really isn’t the type to give in. There’s a bit of a struggle but it seems like they’re having fun, so Koushi watches from afar. Before Koushi knows it though, everyone has boarded but himself. Of course, Shimizu is standing right before Oikawa trying to push him off. It’s very entertaining, because Asahi looks like a fish out of water, trying but failing to brace himself for one of their falls. It looks like Asahi is having a difficult time deciding who to try and catch. And then there’s Ennoshita who is standing leisurely behind them as he records the event with a sphere.

 

“Come, Kou-chan,” Oikawa says, while fighting Shimizu to extend his hand.

 

Koushi looks from Oikawa’s face down to his offered hand and hesitates—maybe they can just clear the air so that it’s not so tight anymore. The Hypello driver who’s standing there in Koushi’s view looks extremely stressed. Koushi looks down at Oikawa’s hands, feeling a strong need to set the Hypello at ease. The Hypello is sweet and he looks like he will pass out if they continue this anymore. It’s just an offer to help Koushi aboard the Shoopuf but it feels like Koushi is making a deal with the devil. Feeling sorry for the Hypello driver, Koushi reaches out hesitantly and grabs onto Oikawa’s hand.

 

“I’m holding onto your Summoner,” Oikawa says like it’s a threat. “You don’t want me to drop him into the water, do you?”

 

Of them all, Koushi is the one that hates the thought the most. Shimizu looks at Koushi and Koushi tries to smile at her, because knowing Oikawa, it’s very likely that he’ll drop Koushi into the water and then of course, Oikawa will _save_ Koushi to put Koushi into his debt. Shimizu sighs heavily and eventually takes a step back to make some space for Oikawa to board. Koushi feels bad that he’s forced her hand but they don’t actually need to make the poor Hypello’s life hell.

 

“See?” Oikawa laughs merrily, as he plants his ass down into the seat right next to Koushi’s—probably for his own safety. “That wasn’t so hard was it?”

 

“Don’t push your luck Oikawa,” Koushi chides quietly. “Shimizu’s not going to let you push her over every single time.”

 

“That’s why you’re my hostage,” Oikawa laughs as he nudges Koushi lightly. “And you’re a good one too! So compliant.”

 

Koushi shakes his head, but doesn’t bother verbally refuting the notion. Oikawa is that type—the overly confident type—one that’s difficult to deal with even on a good day so Koushi doesn’t bother. He’s kind of like Kuroo, but Kuroo actually looks the part, so Koushi can let himself be fooled. Oikawa however, is a different story. Oikawa is always faltering when Shimizu is in the picture and that gives him away. Koushi is grateful that at least one of them can throw Oikawa off his game.

 

“I’m going to take a nap,” Koushi announces once the Shoopuf starts walking.

 

Koushi needs to close his eyes for this ride. It’s all smooth sailing but large bodies of open water aren’t exactly calming for him. And what’s more, there’s a sea of pyerflies living beneath the surface. Tucking his right hand into his left, Koushi shuts his eyes lightly and hopes that his body displays no tension. All of his friends may know, but Koushi doesn’t need to let an outsider know of his incompetence.

 

The Shoopuf is slow, but that’s to be expected. It’s a calm animal, moving at a languid pace even on land. Koushi wishes that they could move faster, but it’s not possible. The Hypello driver is appropriately considerate. Seeing as Koushi’s friends are in awe over the sight of the Moonflow, he’s commanding the Shoopuf to go even slower. Although Koushi does not enjoy the sight of the Moonflow and pyerflies, he is happy to appreciate his friends’ interest in it. It must be a sight and Koushi could easily see it as a rainbow decorating the sky, if not for the memories that make the sight desolate rather than beautiful.

 

The Moonflow is supposed to light up at night, like its water is in perfect collaboration with the pyerflies, but Koushi doesn’t think there’s an image more beautiful than the beach of Besaid Island. Nothing could top the image of the Besaid Island pier, burning to a crisp as the fire spreads, as the pyerflies dances with the clouds in the sky. The image had lasted days because the people were slow in accepting the deaths of their loved ones. There is no way Koushi can forget. There are no other pyerflies that can make him forget.

 

“Kou-chan?”

 

“What…?” Koushi hums, opening his eyes only to see nothing but Oikawa’s face closing in—Oikawa’s tone is concerned but a little smirk dances on his face. “What is it?”

 

Koushi blinks so that his eyes focus and he doesn’t bother pulling away. Oikawa has been close for a long while now. It’s something that Koushi doesn’t react to, because it gives Oikawa reason to continue. Besides, Koushi doesn’t want to make a fuss. It’ll draw his distracted friends back here and Koushi would rather not be thrown off the Shoopuf in an unnecessary fight.

 

“I’m sorry,” Oikawa apologises carefully, making sure to do it slowly so that the message comes across clearly, “For upsetting you on the beach at Mushroom Rock.”

 

Koushi doesn’t respond, because Oikawa’s tone is contemplative, meaning that there’s more. So he stays silent and prompts Oikawa to continue with what it is that he wants to say. Even though Koushi might not agree, he can respect opinions.

 

“But I’m not sorry for saving you, so I hope you can understand that at least.”

 

Koushi’s eyes blow wide at the sincerity in his tone and Oikawa huffs about how Koushi should lighten up a little. Koushi scoffs but doesn’t turn away. Instead, he tilt his head to the side, resting against his arms as he continues to stare. Watching Oikawa’s expression, Koushi doesn’t know what he should feel. But quietly, Koushi exhales a small word of acceptance and gratitude before calling off their little feud. Oikawa breaks into a huge grin which causes Koushi to chuckle hollowly. Smiling happily Oikawa rests his head on his arm and stares back, occupying most of Koushi’s view for the duration of the ride. It’s not the most pleasant view, but it’s definitely better than the Moonflow and Koushi can settle with that.


	3. Chapter 3

The walk to Guadosalam is the only nice thing about this part of the pilgrimage. The scenery outside is green with trees but Guadosalam itself is gloomy. It doesn’t feel welcoming but Koushi makes a choice to stay for a few days anyway. It’s not Koushi’s favourite location, but he doesn’t make a fuss over the matter. Here, where it’s safer than most places, Koushi would like to settle the issue that they have with Oikawa. Koushi is at the point where he cannot deal with it anymore.

 

Oikawa has followed them all the way to Guadosalam like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Ennoshita had tried to sink him in the Moonflow upon Shimizu’s dare, but that had failed miserably. Asahi had been the one that had tipped over instead and was saved by the Shoopuf’s trunk. In the middle of the chaos Oikawa follows, like it’s nothing at all, even sticking closely to help keep Asahi warm. It’s probably his only ticket in because otherwise Shimizu and Ennoshita would have fought him for being the cause of Asahi’s fall in the first place.

 

Asahi on the other hand is reliant on Oikawa because he is being kind and Koushi realises that it must have been Oikawa’s aim in the first place. Oikawa assists Asahi all the way inside, into the depths of Guadosalam and into the inn, getting rooms for all of them in the exact manner that they usually get it. Koushi is impressed but his friends not so much because they know exactly what it is that Oikawa is doing. Koushi cannot stop Oikawa so he allows his friends to take the matter into their own hands, so long as they promise not to shed any blood—not theirs or Oikawa’s.

 

“I guess,” Ennoshita sighs. “We can’t keep putting it off huh?”

 

“But in a bit,” Koushi persuades. “We should have Asahi here too, after he’s warmed up.”

 

Asahi might be persuaded by now, but Koushi needs to accommodate Ennoshita and Shimizu as well. Knowing this, Shimizu nods, but she’s not exactly happy with the arrangement, because she knows how easily it had been for Oikawa to break Asahi’s resolve. Ennoshita doesn’t seem to have a problem with it at all, only asking for the time between now and then to go and explore Guadosalam. Koushi doesn’t care so long as they come back in one piece.

 

“Go on,” Koushi grins, encouragingly. “You should head up to the Farplane too, Shimizu.”

 

Shimizu’s eyes widen significantly, as if she’s forgotten that the Farplane is here. Lowering her head with gratitude, Koushi takes the chance to squeeze her shoulder and then reassure her that he will be just fine here. After both Ennoshita and Shimizu leave, Koushi grabs the key to his room from the reception desk and make his way up, making sure to lock so that Oikawa doesn’t come barging in with that Guardian talk again. While he can, Koushi would like to take a nap. It’s been a long day for him. The feeling of sloshing back and forth on the Moonflow is still evident because Koushi feels like his feet are still off the ground. It’s not ideal to sleep, because the world his dreams aren’t much safer, but Koushi can’t have the best of both worlds.

 

 

 

 

 

Just before dinner rolls around, Koushi walks out of his room and hears that Ennoshita and Shimizu have returned from their little exploration. Oikawa exits own room with a smile and falls into step with Koushi down the stairs. It’s a bit strange and unsettling that Oikawa hasn’t actually tried to break in the whole time they were alone. Koushi can only be grateful for it and possibly, for all the people around that are scrutinising them. That might be the only reason Oikawa has continued to keep his hands to himself—Koushi knows how Oikawa can be when he wants something done. It’s strange that they’ve continually excluded Oikawa from their pilgrimage but Koushi can seem to find bits and pieces of Oikawa stuck to him.

 

Koushi looks around the inn and finds Shimizu, Asahi and Ennoshita gathered in the corner of the room. They’re in deep discussion and Koushi knows what it all is about. Oikawa too, catches on right away, jumping out of his seat cautiously. Instead of actively participating, Koushi decides to sit back and allows his friends to do as they wish. Koushi is comfortable, whether or not Oikawa is around. It is up to his friends to decide whether they can accept Oikawa as a late comer to their circle of friendship. Or better yet, the circle of guilt as they unite to walk Koushi to death’s door.

 

After exchanging knowing nods Koushi prompts them to start because he’s as ready as he could be. Shimizu sits down next to Koushi while Asahi and Ennoshita rush to pull Oikawa back into his seat and sit themselves down by Oikawa’s side imposingly. They are making sure that Oikawa cannot run. Koushi can’t help but smile a little shakily. Shimizu’s not the usually violent type—she’s always holding the dull side of her blade to Oikawa’s neck—but this time, she’s really got the tip pressed closely to his skin. It looks like they’ve concluded that this is the only way to draw the truth out of Oikawa.

 

“Uh…?” Oikawa turns with a smile but that’s before he notices that Shimizu has drawn her blade. “Yes ma’am? What is it…?”

 

“No more secrets,” Shimizu says, pinning Oikawa with a threat of the wrath of her blade. Shimizu means what she says as he keeps Oikawa at knife point. “If you’re going to keep tagging along, give us a concise reason of why you’re doing it.”

 

Koushi is surprised and it shows when his mouth drops open. He didn’t think they’d actually come to accept that they can’t stop Oikawa from coming along so easily. Shimizu doesn’t have to mention that Oikawa is more competent than the average citizen of Spira. Koushi has watched them banter to and fro, but this might be the most serious Shimizu has been. She probably feels the threat because Koushi does too. It’s like Oikawa has been holding back and that would irritate any warrior, not just Shimizu.

 

“Are you making me a Guardian if I bare my heart and soul to you?” Oikawa asks, looking straight at Koushi and Koushi wants to shy away immediately—this is exactly why Koushi had handed the authority over to his friends.

 

“Eh…” Koushi points to himself, feigning innocence. “You’re asking _me_?”

 

“You are the Summoner,” Oikawa challenges with a smirk twisted into the corner of his lips. “Are you not?”

 

Asahi’s eyes widen and he throws Ennoshita a disapproving look for crackling underneath his hands. Koushi wanted to avoid it but he had also expected this outcome. Sighing, Shimizu gives Koushi a nod and Koushi is careful as he returns his gaze to Oikawa’s. It’s a piercing gaze and Koushi flinches inwardly. However, instead of helping him out, all three of his friends look to Koushi to decide on what he wants. Koushi studies all three of them and then Oikawa carefully. Oikawa doesn’t seem to bare any malice. Instead, he’s offered them some help. A guardianship isn’t something everyone wants. Oikawa might just be a little special like that. Koushi might need someone as strong as Oikawa is on this pilgrimage.

 

“If you tell us the truth,” Koushi makes an offer, because it’s only fair since they’re really going to make Oikawa bear his heart and soul. “I will make you my Guardian. It’s a fair compromise, no?”

 

There are sighs but no real protests. Oikawa is making things difficult but his friends can’t make the call. Koushi is the one with the authority to choose his Guardians after all. So long as Koushi doesn’t waver, everything will still go according to plan. However, there’s no room for Oikawa to lie. Shimizu is watching his every move carefully and Asahi and Ennoshita have him trapped but they are more than capable of reprimanding him if he attempts to lie. This is all done because they need to protect Koushi from all the risks possible.

 

“Well, what do you want to know?” Oikawa asks, crossing his legs and leaning back against the chair. Now that they are negotiating, he seems to be at ease. Koushi wonders if he’s let Oikawa off the hook too easily, but it’s not even an offer that he can retract anymore. “Hm?”

 

Shimizu frowns at his composure and Koushi is just a little irritated. As usual, Oikawa is quick at slipping back into his confident persona. Instead of asking Oikawa herself, Shimizu gestures a nod and Ennoshita and Asahi are immediately onto it. It’s clear that they have talked it through, but Koushi can see that they don’t have many questions, just the important ones.

 

“Why a Guardian?” Asahi asks and Ennoshita is quick to add another question, “And why Suga?”

 

Koushi is kind of surprised that they just jump right into it, no preamble. Koushi would have asked firstly, _what the hell’s wrong with you?_ but he supposes that his friends are on the right track. If anything, Koushi’s question would have been rude. Everyone has a reason for wanting to go on a pilgrimage—Koushi does too—and Koushi should be careful not to disregard it. Though to Koushi’s defence, Oikawa’s approach has been very questionable.

 

“I’d like to go on a second pilgrimage,” Oikawa explains, with a wry smile. “It’d let me see things in a different light…”

 

“Second…?” Shimizu questions, carefully, grip tight on the hilt of her blade.

 

Oikawa is smug, “Lord Matsukawa was my first.”

 

Koushi stares, opening his mouth and then closing it. More than being shocked, it’s a fact that Koushi has no words to say. Now that Oikawa has revealed his origins, it would actually be _Koushi’s_ honour to have Oikawa as a Guardian, but the truth still baffles him all the same. The fact that Oikawa is a former Guardian of the High Summoner Matsukawa still sounds foreign to his ears. Koushi had been the one to encourage this talk but now he kind of regrets it. Now, everything about Oikawa and his actions appears more intimidating than easy-going.

 

“The High Summoner Matsukawa?” Asahi gasps, eyes widening in surprise. Oikawa nods solemnly and they can only believe him. “It is my honour.”

 

Even Shimizu, who’s usually indifferent to Oikawa, lowers her head a little as a gesture of acknowledgement. Koushi however, wonders why Oikawa would go on the pilgrimage twice? Is it for the honour? Despite all the questions that have lined up, Koushi can’t bring himself to ask. If it were any other matter Koushi would have pushed until the end, but never for the story behind any Guardian’s pilgrimage. It’s something that Koushi cannot do. However, Koushi does have a newly founded respect for Oikawa—the former Guardian of the High Summoner. Koushi would be foolish to turn him away. Oikawa would be a great asset to his journey.

 

“Why me?” Koushi asks instead because this is the important part. “There are many others out there.”

 

“I’ve tried,” Oikawa clears his throat and looks away like he actually feels some guilt. “Lord Akaashi’s Guardians are much more imposing than yours.”

 

Koushi has to agree, but he can’t let Oikawa have the upper hand, “So I’m just a lucky draw?”

 

“Well,” Oikawa replies and he looks at Koushi, eyes deep and imploring but Koushi cannot see what it is that he is trying to convey. “Just consider us both in luck.”

 

Koushi still remembers their meeting as if it had happened yesterday but he can’t find anything flaws in his memories. Oikawa is suggesting a coincidence. Koushi isn’t one to believe in coincidences. It’s likely that Koushi’s name has been around and Oikawa had heard. Koushi wonders from _who_ but there are too many possibilities. It wouldn’t be Lord Akaashi, but it may have been his Guardians who were trying desperately to fend Oikawa off their Summoner. Koushi would be offended that he was offered as the pawn, but if it’s not Koushi, it feels like Oikawa would have gone off for another Summoner anyway. Koushi thinks that Oikawa’s efforts may have been better received elsewhere, but Koushi has already made a promise.

 

“Thanks for telling us,” Koushi says, putting a hand on the hilt of Shimizu’s blade and pushing it away from Oikawa’s skin. “Now that we know, there’s no need for anymore hostility right?”

 

As Koushi expects, there’s silence. It’s awkward, because they are still very much strangers. No matter what kind of information it is that Oikawa shares with them, time is what they need most. All of the time that they have spent together so far has been full of hostility. That doesn’t work well as bonding material so they’ll have to spend the remainder of the pilgrimage actually getting along. That’s why Koushi has to opt for something a little cheerier even though it feels out of place.

 

Koushi flashes a wide grin, putting any unspoken protests aside, “We should celebrate.”

 

“Celebrate?” Oikawa blinks, clearly confused with the sudden shift in tune.

 

“A welcome celebration,” Koushi says, smiling at Oikawa, this time meaning it as he waits for Oikawa to shake his hand—a contract, both verbal and physical. “For you, _Sir_ Oikawa.”

 

It must come as a surprise because Oikawa’s mouth drops open, like he wasn’t expecting Koushi to keep his promise. Slowly and tentatively, Oikawa lifts his hand from where it’s rested on his knee and grabs onto Koushi’s, shaking carefully as if waiting for Koushi to change the terms. Koushi would say something, but it’s not really necessary. Trust is something that they will both need to take some time to learn.

 

“It’d be my honour to serve you, Lord Sugawara.”

 

“Just Suga will do,” Koushi amends, with his nose scrunched. The formality doesn’t sit well with his name. “No ‘Lord’ and no ‘Kou-chan’ either.”

 

Oikawa breaks into a huge smile and uses ‘Kou-chan’ anyway, because Koushi isn’t asking for any formalities. As Koushi pulls his hand away from Oikawa’s grip, Shimizu returns the blade to its scabbard and walks off alone. Koushi has to follow to pacify her—make sure that she knows that he isn’t backing out on his promises. Even though Koushi had been tempted, Koushi has no reason to take anyone else as his Final Aeon.

 

“I’ll leave Oikawa to you then,” Koushi requests of Asahi and Ennoshita before chasing after her. “I’ll bring her back.”

 

Following quietly, Koushi is careful not to disrupt Shimizu’s pace. She’s probably thinking hard—as she always is—about the change in their dynamic. It’s going to be difficult to change and adjust, but Koushi can be there to assure her that he’s not expecting everything to be smooth sailing immediately. Koushi might actually be the one that will have the hardest time adapting. However, when Shimizu finally stops, Koushi spots her doing something a little out of the ordinary.

 

“Ah… you’re bringing food?” Koushi asks, surprised.

 

“You accepted him,” Shimizu nods. “I will too.”

 

Koushi smiles dimly, “Thank you.”

 

Shimizu nods again without a word. It is only when Koushi has promised her that his decision is the same, does Shimizu agrees to be civil with Oikawa. It’s not like Koushi blames her, but Oikawa hasn’t done anything wrong yet. Sure, he’s kind of pushy and annoying, but that’s probably just how he is. However, Koushi knows that Shimizu is making an effort and this is the part where Oikawa will, like everyone else, fall for her natural charm. Hopefully, that will make Oikawa more passive and reduce the tension between the two of them.

 

“Here,” Koushi says, reaching for the tray in her arms. “I’ll help.”

 

“But—”

 

Koushi bites down on his lips, pulling them into a frown. Shimizu matches his gaze and his expression. They have been through this before, but it seems like it’s a fact that’s easily forgotten, with how much things have changed. Koushi needs them to be his friends before they are his Guardians and it seems like a reminder is in order.

 

“We’re friends,” Koushi questions easily. “Aren’t we?”

 

Shimizu blinks slowly, followed by a sigh, “I know.”

 

Although she has acknowledging it, there’s guilt in her tone. Koushi doesn’t have the words to comfort her. Koushi is also feeling the guilt, for causing Shimizu, Ennoshita and Asahi to feel such a wrecking emotion. And now, he’s invited Oikawa to join the mess. Honestly, Koushi wonders what it is that he’s doing, but he can’t seem to stop himself from doing it. Only time will tell whether or not Koushi’s choices are good ones. Hopefully it will prove to be, especially with all the turmoil he’s inflicting upon his friends to.

 

“We should hurry,” Koushi says to clear the air. “I don’t know how they’re holding up with Oikawa…”

 

Shimizu finally laughs, probably imaging how Ennoshita has handed Asahi over to Oikawa for slaughter. Ennoshita would do that, just because teasing Asahi is fun and watching is an easy hobby for someone like Ennoshita. Nodding in agreement, she hands Koushi the heavier tray and proceeds towards the door to push it open for him.

 

“Thank you,” Koushi smiles and Shimizu pushes him by the small of his back.

 

“I’ll be out soon,” Shimizu says in response as the door closes.

 

Koushi stares for a moment, hoping that she will be okay, but he can hear the distress coming from Asahi’s long drawn out groan. Rushing towards the main room, Koushi flashes a smile, hoping to clear the air. He doesn’t have the chance to ask. When Koushi returns, Asahi is quick to come to his aid. He picks up the tray and sets it on the table as Koushi returns to the kitchen to help Shimizu out. Once all the food has been bought out, Oikawa’s got a smirk on his face, probably ready to say something cocky, but Shimizu cuts him off by passing him a glass and waiting for him to clink it with hers.

 

“Welcome,” Shimizu says pleasantly but not without putting Oikawa in his place. “No matter whose Guardian you were, know that you’re at the bottom of the ladder here.”

 

Oikawa looks scandalised but only for a moment before he breaks into a huge grin, “Then I’ll be in your care.”

 

Shimizu throws him a look, disapproval for how easily he caves into her demands. Koushi laughs out loud as he hands Oikawa some snacks. Shimizu and Oikawa might be the perfect opponent for each other. If they can learn to balance each other out then all Koushi has to do is watch from afar to make sure that nothing goes out of hand. But Koushi doesn’t have to worry about it. His friends are reasonable people and as promised, they make their best efforts to get along. Asahi is happiest with the arrangement, creating an easy rapport with Oikawa immediately. It’s no surprise that everything comes easy after they’ve broken the ice. Eventually Oikawa gets Ennoshita talking too. Shimizu humours him and Koushi is content with the way things are.

 

As they socialise, the night fades away easily. There’s no tension now that Koushi has set his foot down. It’s actually nicer now that they have Oikawa within the circle. They don’t have much to worry about now that they have decided that Oikawa will share their knowledge. Hopefully, it means that they will share Oikawa’s as well. Koushi’s not fond of leaving people out, so this works out just fine.

 

“Thanks,” Oikawa says and it’s probably the most genuine he has ever been.

 

“Before you thank me,” Koushi replies easily to reject Oikawa’s gratitude. His tone is stiff and his eyes are downcast, cold and stern. The burden that a Guardian carries might be greater than that of a Summoner’s. Koushi is not going to put it lightly, not when it’s a matter of life and death. Koushi is asking for a lot and they both know it. Oikawa will know it better because he’s already done it once. “Think carefully about what it is that I’m asking of you.”

 

What Koushi means to say is that Oikawa can withdraw his services at any time. It’s actually an encouragement, but Oikawa looks horrified, like it’s ridiculous that Koushi would even suggest that possibility. Oikawa’s eyes widen, opening his mouth and then closing it again. Koushi just smiles, because as experienced as Oikawa is—being a veteran Guardian and all—Koushi would rather not make him experience that pain twice.

 

 

 

 

 

The Farplane is where Asahi, Ennoshita and Shimizu spend most of their time for the duration that they stay in Guadosalam. Koushi stays away and gets some time to himself here. The Farplane is a place that Koushi pretends doesn’t exist because it’s not a compulsory part of the pilgrimage. To Koushi’s surprise, Oikawa shares the sentiment. He doesn’t go, like everyone else does. Koushi would like to think that Oikawa is true to High Summoner Matsukawa but Oikawa has no intentions of going to see him. However, Koushi doesn’t ask because he doesn’t want Oikawa to throw the question back at him.

 

“Then we’ll be back,” Ennoshita says at the entrance to the Farplane. “If you need us, just send Oikawa.”

 

Oikawa almost looks scandalised because Ennoshita (who he probably thought was more of a friend than Shimizu) is giving him _orders_. Ennoshita just laughs as he pats Oikawa’s shoulder lightly. Koushi chuckles along and nods in agreement because he’s in the mood to tease, saying cheerily _will do!_ to earn his friends’ approval. In response, Oikawa whips his head right back and frowns at Koushi, but without much of a bite.

 

Oikawa whines, “Kou-chan!”

 

“Didn’t we agree that you’re at the bottom of the ladder?” Shimizu smirks.

 

“Please listen to them,” Koushi grins, patting Oikawa’s shoulder comfortingly, repeating Ennoshita’s actions. “You brought this upon yourself.”

 

“Aren’t you meant to be fair?” Oikawa hisses as Koushi’s friends go on their way. “A Summoner!”

 

“Says _who_?” Koushi tilts his head innocently. “They’re my friends before anything else.”

 

Before Oikawa can protest, because he’s already opened his mouth to whine, Koushi turns his head around and begins walking the other way. Oikawa follows and Koushi thinks that it’s because there are other places to go, but Oikawa doesn’t even take a different route. Being a former Guardian for High Summoner Matsukawa means that Oikawa would have explored everything in Spira once already but it doesn’t look like he has any favourite places.

 

“You don’t need to go?” Oikawa asks afterwards and this time he’s being careful—all soft and gentle without his usual sharp edges. “I’m sure you’ve got people you want to see.”

 

Well, it looks like Koushi didn’t need to ask to be asked after all. It’s only natural that Oikawa would be curious to know. They’ve been here for days and Koushi hasn’t entered the Farplane once. It could be that Koushi has never meet with death, but Oikawa knows better. Koushi and his friends are much closer than that. If they have people to see then naturally, Koushi would too. But the thing is, the Farplane doesn’t let Koushi see _people_. This too, is something that Oikawa should know that better than anyone else.

 

“People, yes,” Koushi replies, looking far into the distance. “Pyerflies, no.”

 

Pyerflies are nothing but remnants of what used to be. Koushi knows that he cannot have it again, so there’s no point in longing for it. For Koushi, it might prove more interesting to meet those people in the real Farplane—the one that lies underneath the surface of the Earth. Oikawa asks with such a tone that sounds like he’s truly curious about the people that have been in Koushi’s life. But Koushi doubts that he actually wants to meet them—the people that Koushi misses, the people that Koushi loves. Oikawa is probably only trying to close the gap between them with knowledge.

 

“Is there something on my face?” Koushi clears his throat upon feeling Oikawa’s intense stare. “You’re staring.”

 

“Uh… no,” Oikawa licks his dry lips and turns away. “You say some strange things.”

 

“What’s strange?” Koushi scoffs—he hasn’t said anything of the sort.

 

“Pyerflies and humans are one and the same,” Oikawa replies easily. “There’s no need to differentiate them.”

 

It looks like this is another thing that Koushi doesn’t agree on with Oikawa either. For Koushi, there is an important distinction between the two. Humans may be made out of pyerflies, but once they die, that’s it. They disperse into the air and become nothing but a memory of someone that used to be. There’s no need to lump them together and make it hard to distinguish. If Koushi shared the view that Oikawa did, he’ll never be able to move on.

 

“Are you one of those?” Koushi asks in return because he wants to clarify it rather than just assume it. Oikawa doesn’t seem like the type, but Koushi can’t ever say for sure. “Attached to pyerflies, because they _may_ be, a part of someone that used to be?”

 

Oikawa stops to look at Koushi and Koushi easily returns him the same indifferent expression. On this matter, Koushi will hold to his views and values. He expresses his opinions but he’s not expecting Oikawa to actually be persuaded by it. Everyone is different and Koushi has learnt to accept that easily. He knows that he himself, is difficult to change and that same principle applies to other people as well.

 

“You are very strange,” Oikawa repeats but the amusement in his tone is minimal. “And your words hurt. Have you been told?”

 

It’s like there’s something he wants to say, but can’t. Oikawa is like a pocket full of secrets, ones that Koushi is curious about, but is also unable to ask. The secrecy that Oikawa holds is strong, making Koushi wary of the consequences of trying to learn things that are not meant for him to know. More so, a former Guardian of a High Summoner is someone with a lot of pain and suffering. Koushi is not the type that so evil as to dig at the wound and apply salt to it.

 

“I’ve been told,” Koushi hums and he smiles cheekily, because there’s only Oikawa.

 

Oikawa cracks a smile, playing up an act of hurt, “I was telling the truth!”

 

Shaking his head to deny Oikawa’s claims, Koushi moves on, away from the base that leads to the Farplane. He’s been lingering for too long now. It’s time to go. Deeming the conversation finished, Koushi turns quietly and continues on his way. Guadosalam is a small space but there is probably something here that he can see. Spira is a place that has a lot of hidden secrets. While he still can, Koushi would like to take a chance at trying to discover those secrets. Perhaps, it would come in handy, make people remember that he was once here—all this extra work is done in case he fails his pilgrimage.

 

“You don’t have to babysit me, Sir Oikawa,” Koushi huffs after completing one round of Guadosalam, “Please feel free to do as you like. Ennoshita was just joking with you.”

 

Walking through the Guadosalam Koushi looks at the scenery and cringes a little at how gloomy the place is. He wonders if it is because Guadosalam is the place where the Farplane is but none of it really matters. No matter where it is that Koushi goes, escaping pyerflies is an impossible task. Instead, Koushi is working on just accepting it. But that’s not the main problem with Guadosalam anyway. The thing about Guadosalam is that it makes Koushi miss home. Besaid Island is bright and always sunny. It is outside, not hidden away like Guadosalam is. Koushi can always see the sky and its two faces. Homesick had always been a foreign concept until now.

 

“Why are you still following me?” Koushi asks, finally fed up with Oikawa’s footsteps which continue to trace after his. “I told you you were discharged of your duties.”

 

Oikawa rolls his eyes, “You can’t dismiss me just after having accepted me the other day.”

 

“I _can_ ,” Koushi confirms because it’s entirely his right to pick and choose who his Guardians will be. “But I’m not dismissing you. I’m saying you are free to do as you like for the time being.”

 

“Well, I’m your Guardian,” Oikawa replies and he’s surprisingly sincere as he holds Koushi’s gaze to convey the message. “And none of the others are around, so I should be with you.”

 

“But you have ulterior motives,” Koushi supplies and turns away. “That’s not Guardian-like.”

 

“I do,” Oikawa admits without missing a beat and he’s also quick to justify. “And of course my motive is _Guardian-like_. I want to be your Final Aeon. You have to choose one from your Guardians anyway and I’m more than happy to be it.”

 

It’s starting to sound like Oikawa is trying to pick a fight with the late High Summoner Matsukawa and his Final Aeon. Like he had wanted to be the one to be summoned for that Final Summoning, but didn’t get the chance to because High Summoner Matsukawa had not chosen him. Koushi wonders what kind of grudge it is that Oikawa holds, but he doesn’t ask. Koushi is sure that it’s a lot more painful than Oikawa is willing to let on. Maybe that’s why he refuses to go and see them in the Farplane.

 

“I doubt,” Koushi replies firmly, trying to keep himself in line. Oikawa’s offer, always there, is very tempting to take. Koushi may have him as a Guardian now, but there’s no real attachment yet. The Final Summoning doesn’t work without a close bond and while they _do_ actually have time to work on a relationship Koushi can’t see a good ending in it for Oikawa. “I don’t see how our bond would deepen.”

 

“That’s why I’m working on it,” Oikawa retorts, stepping closer and walking at Koushi’s pace. “You could put some effort into this too.”

 

“Why would I put effort into something I don’t want?” Koushi replies easily with a scoff as he proposes a challenge. Is there ever a time when Oikawa is not so sure of himself? “What if I don’t want _you_?”

 

At this point in time, Koushi means what he says. Koushi is tempted by the idea, but it’s not something that he desperately wants. Plainly put, Koushi doesn’t want Oikawa as his Final Aeon because Oikawa isn’t the right match for him. The overly confident part of Oikawa ticks Koushi off and he can’t help but feel like something’s wrong. Koushi also feels like he can’t let Oikawa win, but that’s just the competitor in him. Koushi thinks that when it comes to it, Koushi will end up choosing the one that he feels closest to. At this point, it’s definitely Shimizu. Who knows, maybe their bond will be enough to exercise Sin for good?

 

Oikawa laughs, stepping in front of Koushi and leaning in close without any regard for Koushi’s personal space, “We can change that.”

 

Normally, if Koushi were not in his status as a Summoner, he would have inched just a little bit closer, smirk and throw Oikawa’s words right back at him, but as a Summoner, there’s no room for such reckless behaviour. People are always watching, even if Koushi cannot feel their gaze. So Koushi knows that he must do it with grace. It takes a while longer for the thought to hit and before Koushi manages to take a step back, Shimizu beats him right to it.

 

“You won’t,” Shimizu interrupts with a glare as she grabs onto Koushi’s collar and pulls him back. She probably heard or read the atmosphere. If not, Shimizu wouldn’t have gone back on her promise to get along with Oikawa so quickly. Koushi doesn’t blame her but he can’t even laugh it off because the collar chokes him. “You should be resting, Suga.”

 

“Yes, yes, I’m sorry,” Koushi smiles, pulling his lips taut across his cheeks—thank god for Shimizu. Koushi leaves no room for Oikawa to complain, changing the topic quickly. They’ve only recently been on good terms. Koushi doesn’t want that to shatter any time soon, not when they still have half a pilgrimage left. “Are you all done up there?”

 

“Yeah,” Shimizu nods. “We’re heading to the Thunder Plains after this, we should sleep.”

 

“Right,” Koushi hums with a smile hidden away, as he thinks of Nishinoya and his Rolling Thunder defences. “The Thunder Plains is next.”

 

“Uh-huh,” Ennoshita shudders with delight and Koushi can see how the light in the Thunder Plains will make interesting material to record on the sphere, “Sleep Sugawara or you won’t be able to.”

 

Asahi flashes Koushi a smile and begins to lead him away, pressing a blue sphere into his hand and informing Koushi that he had found High Summoner Jongdae’s sphere hidden deep within the Farplane. Koushi flashes him a small smile of gratitude and walks alongside his friend, listening as Asahi complains about the possibility of death in the Thunder Plains. Koushi has nothing against the thunder, but it’s definitely going to be loud and noisy. Nishinoya might actually like it, but Koushi should actually listen to his friends’ advice and get some sleep lest he can’t once they arrive.

 

 

 

 

 

The Thunder Plains is wet and gloomy, always screaming without a filter. The skies are dark and grey without any hint of colours except for the occasional bright flashes of yellow. Other than that, it looks like a city that is always asleep because of the mask of darkness that never goes away. Just looking into the distance has Koushi feeling drowsy, but he knows that he won’t be getting any sleep with the amount of noise.

 

“Is there a rest stop here?” Ennoshita asks sceptically.

 

Ennoshita is only asking for Asahi’s sake, Koushi knows, because the sphere is in his hands and a smile is stuck on his face. Ennoshita would probably enjoy being outside just so that he can record everything. Koushi does actually wonder the same thing because who in their right mind would set up a rest stop in the middle of the Thunder Plains? However, Koushi doesn’t doubt that there might be one. If Summoners are to pass then of course, there’d be some form of revenue out of it.

 

“Yup,” Oikawa confirms, pointing into the distance where there’s nothing but darkness and lightning towers. “About midway, we have Rin’s Travel Agency.”

 

“Are you pulling my leg,” Ennoshita deadpans, looking in the direction of Oikawa’s finger. “There’s nothing there at all.”

 

“Well,” Oikawa clears his throat, coughing sheepishly, “It’s been over ten years since my pilgrimage so…”

 

Now Koushi can tell that Oikawa is definitely joking around with Ennoshita. They banter over it and Koushi watches with amusement. This is more like the kinds of things that Koushi wants to see. Although they’re arguing it sounds like everyone is enjoying themselves. It’s especially satisfying when he finds Shimizu snickering into her hands.

 

“We’re…” Asahi swallows, looking at Koushi and Shimizu with a pleading expression. “Not going to camp outside—eek!”

 

Asahi squeaks at the little sparks of thunder and Koushi bites down on his lips to hold back a chuckle. Thunder is rare on Besaid Island so Koushi understands but it’s still amazing that such a sight that jolts Asahi more than the Basilisk on Djose. Oikawa joins in on the fun too, having noticed Asahi’s panic. Popping in to say that they really might have to camp outside, Oikawa smirks and then tunes back into his conversation with Ennoshita. Asahi’s lips tremble and he shrinks further into himself. Koushi sighs because it’s bad for his back, but he can’t do anything about Asahi’s fear when the threat is constantly there.

 

“I’m sure there’s the travel agency up ahead,” Shimizu reassures Asahi. “And if not, we’ll give you the innermost spot of camp.”

 

Asahi clears his throat but he looks at Koushi with pleading eyes. Quietly, Koushi nods in agreement so that Asahi doesn’t have to vocalise his fears and concerns. Continuing on their way, Asahi sticks close and Koushi relishes in the warmth that his friend provides. Koushi entertains Asahi with talks of old things, old places and home, of Blitz and of Nishinoya. It’s mildly helpful, because missing home isn’t what Koushi wants to bring to mind, but it’s the only distraction that will work. Thankfully Asahi smiles at Koushi’s efforts and that’s enough.

 

“Thank you,” Asahi smiles.

 

Koushi twists his lips into a smirk, “Should I do the old thing too?”

 

“No thanks,” Asahi replies immediately, pulling away just an inch in case Koushi decides to resort to old tactics and give him a karate chop anyway. “I’m good.”

 

Koushi’s laughter is drowned out by the thunderstorm but the gesture seems to be enough to set his friends and sole Guardian at ease. They all soften after that and Koushi notes that they are moving along much more smoothly than before. But it’s probably because they have all gotten used to the noise. It’d actually be stranger if the thunderstorms just stopped.

 

“Is it much longer, Oikawa?” Koushi asks.

 

“Mhm,” Oikawa hums thoughtfully. “We’ll probably be seeing it soon.”

 

Koushi looks into the distance and even squints his eyes but nothing comes into his line of sight. The darkness of the Thunder Plains isn’t something that’s always there, but it’s still hard to see if the thunder is far from where they stand. Oikawa keeps telling them a little longer, but Koushi’s efforts on Asahi are slowly wearing off. Smiling dimly, Koushi continues on his foot, going a little bit faster, hoping that they will reach the travel agency sooner than later. Asahi is beginning to vocalise his fears about being roasted and Koushi is fighting to hold back his laughter because he keeps thinking about Nishinoya doing the roasting.

 

When they finally reach the travel agency, Asahi is the first one to sigh in relief as he rushes through the doors. The thunderstorms have picked up but it’s not all that different from anything that they have endured for the past couple of hours. Koushi had gotten used to it, but for Asahi, it must feel like the thunderstorms have continually gotten closer.

 

“Azumane is…” Oikawa comments, watching as Asahi disappears inside. “A strong Guardian but…”

 

“He’s wonderful,” Koushi defends, although a little dimmer than he would like. “Asahi is strong and confident on the battlefield, reliable and firm. But home is where he belongs.”

 

The same applies for Ennoshita and Shimizu too. They have been impeccable in protecting Koushi, but this is not where they belong. They all have dreams and ambitions, ones that have been taken away by duty and obligations. And Koushi is the one that is responsible for it all. Maybe he should find a chance to send them back home, make Oikawa his Final Aeon and end the debate for good. Koushi doesn’t need that many Guardians anyway. The only reason he has so many is because they couldn’t agree.

 

“Kou-chan…?”

 

“Let’s go inside,” Koushi says, changing the topic to avoid dwelling on it. “If we don’t change soon we’ll get sick.”

 

Oikawa nods as he follows but he doesn’t look like he wants to let it go. Koushi cannot let Oikawa take hold of Asahi’s weakness as a means to expel him from being a candidate for the Final Aeon. Slipping inside quickly, Koushi pretends to shiver and rushes away to avoid commenting on Asahi any further. Luckily, Oikawa seems to be distracted by something inside the travel agency. It’s a good thing, Koushi supposes as he looks back to ensure that Oikawa’s attention is no longer on him.

 

However, instead of Oikawa, Koushi spots a man there with soft pink hair that’s been cropped closely to his scalp. The man scrutinises Koushi and his friends and then turns back to look at Oikawa with a tiny smirk on his face. It’s strange that the man suddenly straightens to bow to Oikawa politely, but Koushi supposes that it is normal. Oikawa could be well known amongst those closer to his time. Eventually though, Koushi feels the gaze shift onto him. Koushi gives the stranger a thin smile as a greeting and gets one in return. However, Koushi doesn’t get to stay for conversation because Asahi is rushing him inside for a hot bath, concerned about him catching a cold.

 

 

 

 

 

After putting on an extra layer and slipping into bed, Koushi is reminded that is no such thing as sleep at the Thunder Plains. The few people who live here might be able to sleep since they are used to it, but not Koushi. The thunderstorms are endless and they are needlessly loud, reminding him of the people at home. Koushi had been ushered into his room quickly, but even with all three doors closed, the sound of the storm is clear. No matter what it is that Koushi tries, there will be no sleep tonight.

 

Koushi tosses and turns in his bed, but always ends up staring at the blank ceiling that does not to distract him. Frustrated, Koushi throws his blanket aside and begins exploring his room. Koushi starts in his room first because that’s the space that he currently has to himself. He’d almost forgotten but High Summoner Jongdae’s sphere must be around somewhere. He has always left one at significant places and Koushi finds them entertaining. Maybe this one will have one too and maybe, it’ll contain something more than entertainment. Knowledge like Oikawa’s would be great, but as a Summoner, Jongdae may be able to provide more insight than a Guardian can.

 

However, even after turning the room upside down Koushi finds nothing. This might not even have been the room that the Summoner had stayed in. Koushi might have to venture outside of his room, brushing by the halls and slipping in and out of places that are open. Unfortunately, he does not wish to disrupt his friends who may already be asleep, so he has to tiptoe. There’s a thrill to it, but also frustration because there’s _nothing_ in the places that Koushi has access to.

 

In the end, Koushi sneaks outside of the inn to where it is wet and gloomy. There’s no way to sleep peacefully in the Thunder Plains with the constant thunderstorms, but that means that there’s a way to get out of his friends’ sights. Koushi can sneak out without them creeping up on him because the noise is so loud, but Ennoshita might just catch him in the act because he’s sharp like that. And knowing Ennoshita, he’s probably out and about himself.

 

Somehow Koushi manages the little mischief, slipping out of his room and tiptoeing out to the reception desk. The staff, Koushi found whose name was Misaki had nodded in response, promising him her silence. After flashing Misaki a smile, Koushi slips out of the door to the travel agency and listens as the thunder rumbles through his body. The ground beneath him shakes, but it doesn’t break. The Thunder Plains is a curious place, special in the way that Koushi can’t quite understand. In Koushi’s opinion, it’s much more interesting than the Moonflow and the Farplane. There must have been a lot of developments conducted here. Koushi has heard about countless deaths here, but now there are towers scattered around the Plains to absorb the lighting. If Koushi stays closer enough to the towers, he’ll be safe.

 

Koushi takes a stroll but he doesn’t venture too far from the travel agency. Although he’d like to explore a little more by himself, Koushi has to be within distance so that his friends can find him, if they have noticed that he is missing. Besides, Koushi doesn’t think that High Summoner Jongdae would have ventured off very far to leave a sphere behind anyway. So to start off, Koushi decides to circle to spatial dimension of the inn. It’s a good choice because just at the back, Koushi finds a blue sphere glowing when the lighting flashes.

 

Smiling down at the ground, Koushi kneels down, brushes the dirt aside and picks up the undamaged sphere. Being so close to shelter, means that the sphere and its content will be well protected. Sitting down, Koushi leans his back against the building and flips the sphere around, just about to turn it on, when hushed voices stop him in his tracks. Koushi’s blood freezes immediately but there’s tension in his form and his body shakes.

 

“Makki!”

 

Koushi titls his head slightly and finds that with Oikawa and the pink haired _Makki_ standing out front, there’s no escape. Koushi doesn’t mean to listen in on their conversation, but he cannot bring himself to move from where he is to casually excuse himself either. It’s not like Koushi was out here to spy on them. It just so happens that Koushi was out looking for High Summoner Jongdae’s Sphere and found it at the back corner, which is large enough to conceal his presence. Pressing impossibly closer to the wall of the inn, Koushi tries to become one with it, covering his mouth up so that he doesn’t sigh.

 

“Hey.”

 

_Makki_ , must be Sir Hanamaki, one of the three Guardians that had taken High Summoner Matsukawa on his pilgrimage. Koushi has heard many things about the High Summoner and his Guardians after pulling that bits and pieces out of Oikawa. Oikawa had been fond and Koushi had been curious about them all. He didn’t think he’d ever get the chance to meet them though. Most aren’t left behind to converse and Oikawa—well, Oikawa might be the only person Koushi has ever met that wants to go on this journey twice.

 

“I’ve been looking for you,” Oikawa says. “Didn’t think you’d disappear so cleanly.”

 

“Not really,” Hanamaki snorts, “There’s nowhere in Spira to hide.”

 

“And you chose the Thunder Plains?”

 

“It’s loud,” Hanamaki replies and Koushi is curious as to what Hanamaki is referring to. What is it that hasn’t stopped for him? “Only place that it stops really.”

 

Oikawa hums, “Loud huh?”

 

“I saw your party,” Hanamaki adds as an afterthought and although Koushi doesn’t know the man very well, he can tell that he is being mischievous in the way that he addresses Oikawa. It’s _strange_ but Koushi doesn’t know enough to draw any conclusions. “Are you on another pilgrimage, _Sir_ Oikawa?”

 

“Yes,” Oikawa confirms. “And with an interesting party. None like ours.”

 

“Are you going for Sir Iwaizumi?” Hanamaki asks and Koushi freezes a little. Oikawa shares Koushi’s reaction. “I doubt you’ve found a Summoner that is worth _it_.”

 

Oikawa grunts without a proper response verbal response. Instead, Koushi hears shuffling sounds and clothes scrunching together. Koushi stiffens where he sits and presses back further against the wall behind him. The thunderstorm drowns out any sounds he might make, but Koushi is still scared of being caught. Everything that comes out of Oikawa’s mouth tonight, sound like the truth and Koushi is curious about why he is constantly lying.

 

“Ah,” Hanamaki replies, sounding rather nonchalant. “Of course it’d be Sir Iwaizumi.”

 

Koushi had been wrong about Oikawa’s resentment. Sir Iwaizumi is probably someone that Oikawa cares about greatly. Koushi has probably heard something he shouldn’t have. Squeezing his eyes shut, Koushi begins to zone out of their words and into the distant sound of the thunderstorms instead. It’s mildly helpful when he puts his mind to it. The thunderstorms are much louder than Oikawa and Hanamaki anyway.

 

Anything that Koushi hears comes in bits and pieces and doesn’t make any sense without context. Koushi doesn’t know when it is that it ends, but when he feels safe, Koushi finally allows himself to breath. He finally allows his body to relax, grip lax on the sphere. Nothing has changed. Trust is always hard and harder with someone like Oikawa. Koushi knows that it will take time—maybe more time than what they have. If they don’t get there, Koushi will just have to accept it.

 

Quietly, Koushi resumes what he was doing before they came to interrupt. Koushi needs to stop thinking about himself for a moment. Carefully, Koushi flips the sphere around, presses the soft button to start the object and immerses himself in the contents of the sphere. There’s nothing interesting in it, just High Summoner Jongdae speaking about the news of Sin’s attack back at his home town. He doesn’t look too distressed, but that’s to be expected. Sin’s attack is nothing new and being so far away means that there’s nothing he can do. When the sphere ends, Koushi feels gloomy himself.

 

Sighing heavily, Koushi drops his head back against the wall and looks up into the gloomy sky. The Thunder Plains will always be grey but that’s exactly when Koushi spots something in the sky’s midst. Koushi had almost missed it, but upon careful inspection Koushi notes that it doesn’t blend that well when the skies roar with lightning. Koushi stares at it and stares at it but the form doesn’t change. Koushi recognises it. That something that is rested in the sky is definitely _Sin_. It looks rather peaceful and Koushi feels his heart contract in panic, but there’s nothing to panic about. There is no Sin Spawn that he can see in the distance and there are barely any people residing in the Thunder Plains to worry about.

 

It’s an odd thing that Koushi does, feeling compelled to test waters. For as long as Koushi watches, Sin does nothing. Sin just remains there, floating in the sky calming, rocking back and forth. Even the thunder that constantly hits its body does nothing—there’s no damage done to Sin’s amour and Sin doesn’t even retaliate. Koushi is a little bit awed because he’s never had the chance to study Sin like this. Aside from Sin’s attack on Besaid Island two years ago, Koushi has never run into Sin before. Even as a Summoner, the days often passed without any real encounter. Now that he thinks about it, this is already the third time and Oikawa’s always been present. It’s only started since Oikawa. If what Koushi is thinking is right then Sin might be here for Oikawa. It’s a strange theory but Koushi can’t shake off the odd feeling settled in the pit of his stomach.


	4. Chapter 4

Despite warning his friends about getting sick, Koushi is the one that can’t get out of bed the next morning. He had spent too long outside and although he hadn’t gotten wet, the cold had invaded his body anyway. Koushi can’t even make his case. Just one look at him has Ennoshita sneering before he makes his exit. The discussion is held outside Koushi’s door and he hears every word of it. Koushi ends up sighing into his blanket because they have to delay the pilgrimage because of him.

 

At the very least, Koushi will get some time to sleep. In his drowsy state, the thunder means nothing and he zones in and out easily. Every time he wakes, one of them will be by his side to tell him what time it is. It feels like such a long time, but they always end up telling him that it has only been a couple of hours. No one asks any questions and for that, Koushi is grateful. When Koushi opens his eyes this time, he hears the thunder roaring before he sees Oikawa. It looks like they’ve already rotated a whole round.

 

“Hey,” Oikawa greets with a laugh. “You’ve got a pretty shitty health constitution.”

 

“Well,” Koushi attempts to roll his eyes but it’s exhausting, so he drops it along with the retort and settles for a greeting instead. “Hey to you too.”

 

Oikawa just smiles and Koushi feels like a child again. Koushi had tried to reassure them that he will be fine on his own but when he’s asleep there’s nothing he can stop. Oikawa looks smug but before he can make another snarky comment, Asahi is knocking on the door with an announcement that he’s going to be coming in. Koushi is thankful that he won’t have to strain his brain trying to think of a comeback.

 

“We’re swapping,” Asahi informs. “I’ve got him.”

 

Oikawa nods and flashes Koushi a small reassuring smile before he goes. Koushi shrinks beneath the blanket and heaves a sigh as Oikawa closes the door behind him. He feels bad for causing a commotion but none of them are blaming him for it.

 

“Sorry,” Koushi mumbles to Asahi anyway.

 

Asahi shakes his head and now that he’s safe inside—away from the direct threat of thunder—he doesn’t tremble quite as much. “I’d be surprised if none of us got sick during that walk.”

 

Koushi nods along, “Yeah.”

 

“Just keep sleeping,” Asahi tells him kindly. “I’ll wake you for breakfast.”

 

It must be pretty late right now. Asahi should be asleep too. Koushi wants to protest but his whole body feels heavy. For the first time in a while, Asahi chuckles genuinely, as he places a hand onto Koushi’s shoulder and squeezes it. Koushi doesn’t have to say anything in response because they understand each other just fine. He does however, sigh into his blanket because he’s bored and sick, which makes his mood especially bad. It doesn’t help that his head is throbbing and his mind won’t shut up about Oikawa _and_ Sin as an equation that is incomplete without one of them.

 

“What are you thinking about now?” Asahi sighs, pressing his finger against the space between Koushi’s brows to straighten out the frown lines. “It’s showing.”

 

“Uh, nothing… just, you know,” Koushi flashes Asahi a small smile. “Things.”

 

It’s vague enough to throw Asahi off his back, but not clear enough to give Asahi a real insight into what it is that is bothering him. Asahi is probably assuming the worst—which can only be the last of the pilgrimage—but that’s something they’ve all accepted from the get go. Stopping the conversation altogether, Koushi squeezes his eye shut and allows the fatigue to overtake his conscience. It’s an effective method but nothing beats the effect of Asahi’s singing. Asahi doesn’t sing anything grand but the Hymn of the Fayth has a calming effect. Before he knows it, Koushi feels his eyes relaxing along with his body.

 

Unfortunately it’s not a deep state of sleep. Koushi is aware of everything around him—from the sounds to the minute movements. What feels like only minutes later, Koushi wakes with a start, heart loud in his chest, causing his eyes to dilate, but his body remains too stiff to move. The heart in his chest is heavy and it feels swollen and Koushi finds himself panicking. He feels like any rash movement will cause his heart to combust. Swallowing thickly, Koushi forces himself to blink in attempt to calm down and return back to reality. A dream is a dream but it’s rare for Koushi to feel like this. It’s a long while before he manages to feel okay, like his heart has finally settled enough to revert back to its original form.

 

“Suga…?”

 

Koushi blinks rapidly at the sound of his name but his eyes take their time to zone into his friends. And even when Koushi sees them, he’s not quiet there. The remnants of his dream linger and his thoughts stay right where they are. It’s not something that Koushi can be sure of, but Koushi cannot brush away the things that occupy his mind. Ever since the last night’s encounter with Sin, Koushi feels like he’s aware of Sin’s presence more often than not. If everything fits the puzzle then Sin being at Besaid Island two years ago wasn’t a coincidence either.

 

Koushi realises that he has noticed something weird. He doesn’t know if his friends have noticed, but Koushi thinks that he’s being too wary of Oikawa, whose true intentions remain unknown. It’s just something that hasn’t crossed his mind before but now that the possibility is there, Koushi cannot stop thinking about it. Sin has always been there even if they cannot see it, but this time it feels like Sin is where Oikawa is—intentionally. Koushi wonders if there is a connection, or if Sin feels a threat. It’s unlikely, given that Sin is the threat, but anything is possible so long as humans try.

 

“Suga?”

 

“I’m fine,” Koushi replies through gritted teeth, as he pushes himself up and brushes back his sweat dampened hair. “Don’t wake Shimizu.”

 

Asahi and Ennoshita exchange a look before they nod their promise to him. Asahi takes a seat next to Koushi on his bed and wraps an arm around Koushi’s shoulder and rubs soothing circles into his skin. It’s not much comfort but at least Koushi doesn’t feel the cold. He doesn’t fight it and just sits quietly, waiting for his composure to return to him. It’s always like this when Koushi dreams about Sin’s attack on Besaid Island but tonight Oikawa’s frame in Koushi’s memory had been vivid.

 

“Are you alright?” Asahi asks softly, like he’s afraid he’ll break Koushi with his questions. “I was just getting water and you… well, what did Oikawa do to you this time?”

 

“Nothing,” Koushi mutters because it’s not _this time_ , it might actually be _last time_ because those dreams might not just be dreams. “Sorry I scared you.”

 

“Suga,” Ennoshita presses with a frown indented on his face.

 

Ennoshita has no intentions of letting Koushi escape. Of course he doesn’t. If Shimizu is not here to keep Koushi in line and draw out his secrets, Ennoshita will resume the role. It’s not surprising but Koushi sighs nonetheless, because they’ve decided to go three against one from the beginning. Taking a moment to gather his though, Koushi invites Ennoshita to sit as well. This could be short or it could be long, but Koushi would rather they be seated while he tells him this.

 

“It was a dream,” Koushi clarifies for them first. “So he hasn’t done anything yet.”

 

“But it’s got something to do with him,” Ennoshita confirms. “You called out his name.”

 

Koushi flushes red out of embarrassment. He must have been loud and that means that Oikawa might have heard him too. Koushi looks to his friends for help and they both sigh, like they can read him. Ennoshita maybe, but Koushi can see that Asahi is more concerned for his wellbeing than anything else. For that, Koushi is grateful.

 

“It’s fine,” Asahi says. “I was purposely listening in so you weren’t that loud.”

 

Koushi sighs in relief, hoping that the redness in his face will go away soon. But while he has the time, Koushi continues, because he knows that he cannot get away with it forever. Ennoshita will not let it go because they are on this journey together. However, Ennoshita is not pushing so hard that it suffocates Koushi. Ennoshita is being completely reasonable because they all have a right to know of the risks.

 

“I think…” Koushi states contemplatively, watching to gauge their reactions, “Oikawa was on Besaid two years ago.”

 

There’s a deafening pause. The silence grows and grows and Koushi thinks he might still be dreaming, one of those terrible dreams where nothing works out the way he wants it to, where everything is going against his wishes. The frustrating thing about those kinds of dreams is that Koushi is completely aware of what it is that he is trying to do.

 

“Asahi…?” Koushi asks carefully, waving his hand in front of his friends’ dumbfounded faces. “Ennoshita…?”

 

They snap back into reality with a rapid blink. Asahi is still registering it, trying to smile while Ennoshita has fully come back. Ennoshita scrunches his brows together several times in thought before looking at Koushi carefully and then trying to place his question in the most polite way possible. But it is impossible. Koushi doesn’t know how to respond to that either so it’s normal that Ennoshita just blurts out what it is that he is thinking.

 

“Suga…” Ennoshita frowns as he looks at Koushi. “Are you alright?”

 

Koushi must sound like a lunatic if not downright delusional. He doesn’t make any sense at all. Koushi hasn’t even set the scene for them. Besaid Island two years ago was a complete mess. It’s an amazing feat to remember anything at all and here Koushi is, trying to convey to them that while their families and friends were dying he remembers _Oikawa_ most vividly. Even now, Koushi knows that his friends have a hard time coming to terms with the reality of Sin’s attack on Besaid Island two years ago so maybe he should have phrased it better.

 

“I…” Koushi folds his fingers together and squeezes. He knows that he _thinks_ so, but he isn’t sure of the solid reason. It doesn’t even make sense to him, so how will it make sense to the others? “What I mean is that I think Oikawa brought Sin to us.”

 

There’s silence exactly as Koushi expects it. He’s probably kidding himself. There’s no way that could be. No one can command Sin. If someone could, then they must have successors of some kind. Perhaps this has come about because Koushi is holding something against Oikawa unconsciously. It might actually be better if Koushi sorts it out and then forget about it altogether.

 

“To Mushroom Rock Road?”

 

“Yes, but to Besaid Island as well,” Koushi clarifies for his friends easily, no frustration because yes, to Mushroom Rock and maybe to the Thunder Plains too, but Koushi’s primary concern is something else. “That year.”

 

_That year_. It’s enough to say many things, but Koushi knows that the only thing that will register is hurt. He hasn’t brought it up in the last year and now he’s saying ridiculous things. Ennoshita and Asahi are right to be confused but Koushi cannot stop thinking about the possibility of his theory being fact. The fact that Sin is around where Oikawa is bothers him. Koushi cannot stop his brain from going down that train of thought and once it starts, it only gets worse. Overhearing the conversation that Oikawa had with Sir Hanamaki hasn’t helped either.

 

“Are you stressed out, Suga?” Ennoshita asks kindly as he rubs circles into Koushi’s back. “Should we take a break?”

 

“I’m not really stressed,” Koushi huffs, “Just… I’m fine.”

 

Ennoshita sighs but Koushi can’t even say anything more. It’s not like his friends are making him feel stupid for asserting his opinion but Koushi feels it anyway. The notion that Oikawa could bring Sin to them is beyond ridiculous. Koushi needs to let it go and there’s only way to do it. Sighing, Koushi puts his hands on his knees and gets off his bed.

 

“You think Sin’s out for revenge?” Ennoshita questions carefully. “Like, because Oikawa’s Summoner banished it, twelve years ago?”

 

“Maybe?” Koushi tries to sound confident but his voice cracks at the seams. “I don’t know. How else do you explain…? I don’t know.”

 

Even the idea is starting to feel strange in his brain, sound it on his tongue and just, Koushi might not be as okay as he thought he was. Maybe it’s the pilgrimage or maybe it’s the fever. Maybe Koushi should put it off for a little while and wait until his head is clear before addressing the issue again.

 

“You think Sin feels emotions and wants revenge,” Ennoshita repeats, still trying to wrap his head around the idea. “Then we could communicate and ask Sin to, what? Stop hurting people?”

 

If Koushi’s theory is correct then communication should be plausible. It is at this point that Koushi realises that he might be going way off track. There’s no way that’s possible right? He’s probably just imagining things, including seeing Oikawa on Besaid Island. There’s only one way to settle this but it’s not really grounds that Koushi is sure that he can trespass yet. All he has to do is ask, yet there’s something inherently difficult about it.

 

“I’ll just talk to him,” Koushi suggests, as he pulls on his outer robes to keep warm. He doesn’t want a scolding if he happens to get worst. “You guys go back to sleep.”

 

“Suga…” Asahi fiddles with his thumbs, nervous. “Don’t you think its fine to just let to go?”

 

“This is one of the ways to do it,” Koushi reasons easily. He presses a smile hard onto his face so that he doesn’t fade. “I’ll be fine.”

 

Asahi is bad at confrontation and attempts at all chances possible to persuade Koushi in the opposite direction. Koushi had been much the same, but there’s no room for avoidance when they’re travelling so closely.

 

“It’s not like you’re going to kill him if he says yes,” Asahi reasons.

 

“I could if he says yes,” Koushi jokes, hoping to lighten the mood a little. Koushi might be angery either way but he won’t be killing anything but Sin. “And maybe I’ll do it anyway, if he says no.”

 

“It’s just a theory,” Ennoshita tells him carefully. “We don’t know for certain so don’t go all out… you could be blaming him for the wrong things.”

 

Koushi nods even though he wants to argue that they don’t carry the memory that he does. Looking at the bigger picture, if Oikawa were the cause, then Koushi wouldn’t be able to forgive him for it. It’s unfair, because Sin is a nuisance to Spira and the pilgrimage is the only way to exercise it. Oikawa had done what he needed to do. If Sin wants revenge then it cannot be helped. Koushi understands but a lot of lives were lost on the Besaid Island and it wasn’t just the lives people that they cared about but also the lives of those surviving. After losing Tsukishima Akiteru, Tsukishima Kei had ventured off on his own. Koushi can only be grateful that Akaashi and his Guardians had picked the boy up and given him some temporary purpose.

 

“Oikawa can’t be keeping secrets if we’re going to work together.”

 

It’s the truth. Koushi cannot work with someone like that, never knowing when or why he’ll be betrayed. But the concern is only there because Koushi has become invested in the relationship that he shares with Oikawa. It’s ridiculous really, because Oikawa had been admitted in the guardianship for lingering and nothing more. However, Koushi is aware of how hard is trying to be reasonable just so that he can give Oikawa a chance.

 

“Just…” Koushi says with a sigh. “Keep Shimizu away while I ask.”

 

They’d definitely have to do that if Koushi were to have this conversation. The topic of Besaid Island and the attack by Sin from two years ago is a taboo subject. It took away too many lives, of the people they knew and of the people that they loved. It’s a touchy subject that Koushi wants to forget because the image of the pyerflies above the water still haunts him, but he needs to know where the line is if he is to keep walking with Oikawa by his side.

 

“Will do,” Ennoshita assures, elbowing Asahi. “I’ll keep him in line too.”

 

Asahi frowns, looking at both Koushi and Ennoshita with a sad kicked puppy look, like they’re totally bullying him. Well, they _are_ , but Asahi gives in too easily, especially if the receiving party is Shimizu. Koushi just shakes his head and then gives Ennoshita a firm nod, both requesting and thanking Ennoshita for his co-operation.

 

Koushi smiles, “Please do.”

 

Waving at them, Koushi slips outside. It’s a little odd because he’s actually going in search of Oikawa instead of having it the other way around. Slipping out of the inn, Koushi finds that he feels surprisingly refreshed. It was probably thanks to the fever, but he actually feels as good as new. Following Misaki’s instructions, Koushi ventures out with extra layers in search of Oikawa. He’d probably gone for some time alone, because that’s essential to every person on the pilgrimage, but Koushi will need to cut into some of that time tonight. The question has been lingering and Koushi would like to get it out the way, ease their relationship once again so that they can move forward without any doubts.

 

Finding Oikawa bent over a corner, Koushi clears his throat as he approaches to make his presence known. Surprising people is something that Koushi likes to do on a regular basis. It’s fun to watch their reactions, especially his former team members, but when Koushi is about to spring questions that sound like an interrogation, he’d rather give warnings. Oikawa deserves that much at the very least—even if Koushi might not end up liking the answer.

 

“Sir Oikawa…?”

 

Turning around, Oikawa’s lost expression flashes and he ends up giving Koushi a wide smile. Koushi is kind of curious about that look, the one that’s flattering but lacks heart. Oikawa seems to be able to do easily, but Koushi can’t seem to place it anywhere. Sweetly, Oikawa pats the empty space next to him, inviting Koushi to sit. Koushi looks around himself before making his way over.

 

“Are you feeling better?” Oikawa asks quietly. “Did you get the okay to come out or have you snuck out?”

 

“I’m better,” Koushi says, grinning as he sits down next to Oikawa under the shelter of the lightning tower. “Thanks.”

 

“It’s rare for you to approach me on your own,” Oikawa quips. “Is there something I can do for you, Kou-chan?”

 

Koushi laughs into his hands, “Shimizu’s asleep at the moment.”

 

Oikawa whips his head around to make sure and Koushi laughs louder. Oikawa almost looks predatory, but Koushi would rather they all get along better than they already do. This is an attempt to clear the air. The moment that Koushi sat down, he decided that the answer doesn’t matter, because he can’t change anything, but for the sake of their on-going relationship, he’d like it if Oikawa offered him nothing but the truth. That’s all Koushi needs to settle it and move on.

 

“Actually,” Koushi states honestly. “I have something to ask of you.”

 

“Go for it,” Oikawa encourages. “I wouldn’t ever deny you of anything Kou-chan.”

 

“Two years ago,” Koushi ignores Oikawa’s horrible attempt at flirting. Koushi has to ask this question first because he might _know_ it—as clear as the memory appears to be—Koushi also knows that memory is a thing that’s tangible and often fuzzy. “Were you on Besaid Island?”

 

Oikawa stops for a moment and Koushi watches him closely. It’s a heartbeat and two and then too many. Oikawa stops for too long. Oikawa is hesitant and Koushi isn’t sure if it’s about the answer or the words that he wants to use. Is he thinking about the question or is he thinking about the answer? It’s hard to tell what is going through Oikawa’s head. If Koushi could tell, everything would be a little easier than this. Koushi would have the time to trust Oikawa rather than spend it trying to figure him out.

 

“I was, very briefly,” Oikawa says and his smile slips just a tad. “Why do you ask?”

 

Surprisingly, it’s not the answer that Koushi wants to hear. Koushi can feel his heart sinking in despair. Now that Oikawa has confirmed it, Koushi sees the image in all of its clarity. Oikawa’s chestnut brown hair fluttering against the winds that brings the tide, the exact image that it had been at Mushroom Rock. Koushi may have been cowering away, behind the rocks at the pier, but when he looks, he sees it. Oikawa’s shadows on the wooden pier, Oikawa’s back, straight and confident. The dim smile on his face as he looks into the distance; looks at Sin. The way that Oikawa had been fine despite the alarm all around him, the sea coming in, the people crying and Koushi, holding onto Shimizu for dear life. It’s vivid and Oikawa is as he was that day, calm and collected like nothing is wrong.

 

“Oh,” Koushi says when he zones back in and registers Oikawa looking at him expectantly. “I’m sorry for asking such a weird question.”

 

“Is that all?” Oikawa smiles. “You had such a serious expression on your face you know?”

 

Koushi forces a smile onto his face—it _is_ serious. Oikawa doesn’t hold it in the same regard and Koushi understands because it’s something that’s important to Koushi, but that doesn’t apply to Oikawa, who has no ties with Besaid Island except for the one time he travelled there with High Summoner Matsukawa. It’s enough that Koushi got to ask and received an answer in return. Now, Koushi can put it out of his mind and continue on as per usual.

 

Oikawa’s eyes follow him closely, “Why were you asking anyway…?”

 

“I had a feeling I’ve met you before,” Koushi answers quickly—maybe too quickly. “Before Luca I mean.”

 

“On Besaid Island?” Oikawa replies, catching on quickly. “Before or after the attack?”

 

Koushi’s breath catches in his throat because Oikawa’s got his eyes trained on Koushi carefully. Koushi didn’t think that it’d turn out like this but now he’s caught in the middle. What would be the ideal answer? _During_ is the real answer but Koushi opts for _before_ because then that means that he hasn’t seen anything in the chaos.

 

“I don’t remember much of the after,” Koushi pretends to hum thoughtfully, hoping that it’s smooth. “Pretty sure it was before.”

 

Oikawa looks like he wants to push for details, scruntinise Koushi’s answer, but Koushi spots Ennoshita at the door and flashes him a smile. Oikawa turns to look and Koushi pushes his hands on his knees to pull himself up.

 

“She caught on,” Ennoshita laughs, “You’ve got five seconds to get back in bed.”

 

“I’m coming,” Koushi says and turns to pat Oikawa’s shoulder lightly, “Thanks.”

 

“Kou-chan—”

 

“You should rest up too, Oikawa. We’ll probably be heading out in the morning,” Koushi replies, dodging the interrogation. “Goodnight.”

 

 

 

 

 

Getting out of the Thunder Plains is as hard as it is going in. The other half of the plains isn’t all that different from the part of land that they’ve already gone through. It doesn’t look all that different and at some point, Koushi wonders if they’re walking around in circles, but Oikawa helpfully assures him that they aren’t. Obtaining advice from Oikawa is almost a normal thing now. He’s a veteran when it comes to matters pertaining to the pilgrimage across Spira and Koushi uses him as he sees fit. They have managed to save a lot of time thinks to him and Koushi isn’t actually surprised that Oikawa continues to have things to offer, even when they’ve already done so much.

 

“You ‘right?”

 

“Yeah,” Koushi smiles as he picks up the gils from the ground and puts them into the wallet, “I’m good.”

 

Fighting fiends is a good stretch for his body and even better for their pockets. Although fiends don’t drop much, the gil eventually adds up. Taking all the gil that is currently in his hand, Koushi turns about and looks for Ennoshita who is hiding in the dark. Ennoshita is the one that keeps all their money and manages it. Koushi feels odd holding onto such a large amount, but it probably won’t be for long. Koushi is sure that Ennoshita will come back from wherever it is that he’s gone with his sphere.

 

“You should save that gil,” Oikawa advises. “Yojimbo’s service is a bit pricey.”

 

“Yojimbo?” Koushi asks, curious to hear what Oikawa, the former Guardian of the High Summoner Matsukawa has to say. “Who…?”

 

“The Fayth,” Oikawa informs helpfully. “We will meet him after the Calm Lands.”

 

Koushi smiles into his scarf, “It really is convenient having a former Guardian on the road.”

 

As expected, Oikawa would never pass up a chance to advertise his abilities and services. Koushi is just waiting for it now, watching as Oikawa set himself up so that Koushi can shut him down. It’s entertaining because Oikawa’s emotions shift quickly, from excitement to pride and then to a downfall of a pout every time Koushi says no.

 

“So,” Oikawa leans in closer, “You’ll choose me right, Kou-chan?”

 

Koushi laughs because that’s exactly as expected, “With what grounds are you asking that?”

 

All Koushi can do at this moment is continue to brush Oikawa off. Right at this moment, Koushi doesn’t feel like they share something special enough to warrant a relationship of a Summoner and Final Aeon. But that’s exactly why Oikawa had come to Koushi in Luca with such a ridiculous request—to make him Koushi’s favourite. Koushi can see it happening. A rapport with Oikawa is easy but Koushi’s always aware of the things that Oikawa holds back, things that draw Koushi towards him but also things that put a distance between them.

 

“That’s why I keep telling you,” Oikawa clicks his tongue. “It’s still not too late!”

 

Koushi rolls his eyes, “There’s nothing in it for you.”

 

“The honour,” Oikawa replies as if the honour of his first pilgrimage has worn off. “And… you. There’s you, isn’t there?”

 

It sounds so intimate that it causes Koushi flinch. In the past, many Summoners have come and gone with their Guardians. Aside from the High Summoner Yunalesca who went with her husband, Lord Zaon, every other Guardianship has been about companionship. So Koushi has never thought about his pilgrimage in that way; never thought about the possibility that a bond between himself as a Summoner and his Final Aeon would end in that way before. Koushi doesn’t think he’d be able to endure it. Knowing this, Oikawa must be trying to get under his skin. It’s actually something that Oikawa is good at doing and Koushi has found it difficult to deal with, especially because Oikawa sounds _sincere_.

 

“The status as a High Summoner, you mean?” Koushi questions carefully, word for word, going slowly like he’s confused. “You don’t get anything out of that though.”

 

“That’s not what I meant,” Oikawa sighs, catching Koushi’s hand and then squeezing it to keep Koushi there with him. “I would be honoured to go to the end with you.”

 

All of them will be going to the end. What’s the difference? _How far of the end_ , is the question that Koushi almost blurts out, but from the way that Oikawa has conducted himself from the start, Koushi fears the answers. Koushi can tell that Oikawa is hung up on something much greater than Koushi, more important and more significant. Selfish as it may be, it’s not something that Koushi can handle. If he already feels uneasy with their relationship as it is now, there’s no way that Koushi could feel certain that Oikawa, as his Final Aeon will be able to complete the job.

 

“Then I’ll continue to count on you,” Koushi replies and it’s very generic, putting off the topic and the importance of it to him. It’s hard to convey, since Koushi had once considered it in all seriousness. “Please give me the best of your services.”

 

“Kou-chan,” Oikawa says, catching Koushi’s wrist this time and his grip is firmer than before. “That’s not what I meant.”

 

Koushi looks at Oikawa and sighs in exasperation, “I _know_ what you meant.”

 

They don’t have to do this again. Koushi doesn’t want to. Even then, Oikawa doesn’t let go, just stays to pin Koushi with a pointed look. It’s as if he’s waiting for it to hurt enough that Koushi will give up and call it quits. There’s no way that’s going to happen. If Oikawa wants a Summoner who will submit to every one of his whims then Koushi was the wrong choice.

 

“But you’re not accepting,” Oikawa retorts, grip firm so that Koushi cannot escape.

 

“I…” Koushi doesn’t know what he can say. He still doesn’t know it himself so how can he say anything to Oikawa? “I haven’t made any decisions yet so please get off my back.”

 

Promises, yes, but decisions, no. But none of it is anything that Oikawa needs to know. If Oikawa is going to keep secrets then Koushi should be able to as well. They are _secrets_ for a reason. Koushi can never let Oikawa know, that he had entertained the idea of letting Oikawa be his Final Aeon. Even if he’s completely off that train of thought now, letting Oikawa knows means that Oikawa’s persuasion can still work to tip the balance that Koushi has found.

 

“You can’t keep dragging this out.”

 

“We still have a long way to go,” Koushi reasons in return and he probes for reasons, hoping that Oikawa will be honest. “There’s no rush… _is_ there?”

 

Faltering, Oikawa drops the topic, along with Koushi’s hand but his answer is flighty at best, “Of course not.”

 

Koushi observes as Oikawa’s brows knit together, thoughts swirling around his head. It’s complicated, Koushi can tell, because the worry lines on his forehead are showing but Oikawa makes no effort to express any of his concerns. This is the problem. Oikawa thinks a lot and actually has a lot to say, and he does, but never much about himself, his motivations and his true purpose. A second pilgrimage is a legitimate reason but the underlying _why_ is the key.

 

“Tell me why you want it,” Koushi sighs, despite knowing that Oikawa is likely to skirt around the issue. “You have to give me a reason at least.”

 

“Well,” Oikawa clicks his tongue, brain ticking along like clockwork.

 

Koushi repeats, “Well?”

 

“I wish to save it,” Oikawa says vaguely.

 

“Save it?” Koushi responds, confused—there’s so many things he could be referring to but Koushi doesn’t know Oikawa well enough to hazard a good guess. “Spira?”

 

“What,” Oikawa snorts without missing a beat. “No.”

 

It’s an automatic response and there’s nothing but the truth in it. At the least Koushi can tell that their purposes differ. Oikawa doesn’t want to save Spira—it’s not even important to him—but the pilgrimage will serve another purpose for him and there’s no conflict with Koushi’s purpose. They coincide and that’s why the arrangement works for Oikawa. Now that Oikawa has finally said something, he can’t continue to deny it as he had been. Oikawa will have to tell Koushi something and that’s better than nothing.

 

“Then?” Koushi prompts with a victorious smirk.

 

Oikawa fidgets for a long while, “Sin.”

 

Koushi freezes on spot. That’s… _novel_. It’s actually interesting enough to have Koushi think twice about everything he’s ever learn about Spira and Sin. Never has Koushi thought about it the other way around. It’s always been about saving the people but Oikawa is challenging that view. From Oikawa’s raw reaction, it’s clear that he believes that Sin needs saving. It’s a complete contrast to the thought that Koushi was entertaining regarding Sin’s desire for revenge.

 

“That’s your reason?” Koushi replies, feeling curious. “You wish to save Sin?”

 

“Yeah,” Oikawa replies and it’s strangely flat.

 

“Huh,” Koushi sucks in a deep breath, “I see.”

 

It doesn’t make any sense but it sounds like something Koushi can work with.

 

 

 

 

 

Macalania Woods is not all green leaves and brown trunks as Koushi had been expecting. It’s blue and icy—the opposite of what he had been imaging. Koushi shivers the moment that they reach the entrance and he wants to backtrack to the Thunder Plains. Although gloomy and wet, the Thunder Plains wasn’t exactly cold. Macalania Woods could freeze Koushi in a matter of minutes but unfortunately, it’s a landmark that they have to pass to obtain the Aeons to complete this journey.

 

Luckily, Ennoshita had been prepared and prepped some extra thick robes for this part of the journey. Pulling the extra layer out of the bag, Ennoshita drapes the robe over Koushi’s shoulder and gives his shoulders a firm squeeze. Koushi gives his friend a tight smile to display his gratitude and reaches a hand over his shoulder to pull the robes around himself tightly. Koushi has just recovered so there’s no need to get sick again.

 

“Tell me if you’re still cold,” Ennoshita commands.

 

“I know,” Koushi nods with a smile. He can’t afford to fall sick again. “Don’t worry.”

 

They move forward to the lodging area and it’s not much better, but at the very least, it’s closed off from any sources of wind. However, Koushi doesn’t want to be locked up in this place with his friends. They’ve been walking for days now, slowed down by the huge thunderstorm that chose to hinder the last part of their visit in the Thunder Plains. It also happens to be one of those days where he needs some time alone. Tightening the ribbon on his overcoat, Koushi pockets his hands and walks around his friends for the exit.

 

“I want to be alone,” Koushi says and exits their lodging. “Don’t follow.”

 

He won’t go far. Koushi has promised his friends that he will be careful. He has kept that promise all this time and there isn’t a need to break it. Walking through the forest, but being careful not to venture into the areas where the fiends live, Koushi makes his way to Lake Macalania. Koushi has always been told that it was beautiful but could never understand. Now Koushi will be able to see it for himself and he gets it because an icy blue view would be stunning.

 

Even before Koushi gets close, his breath is taken away by the sight of the glow. Excitedly, Koushi rushes forward so that he can see the ice hanging in the distance. It’s a view to be admired. Although it’s all water a lake is okay and this one is closed off. Sitting at shore, Koushi dips his feet into the water and sighs in content as the cool water flutters around his skin. It reminds him of the beach back at home and Koushi longs to return to the good old days where Blitzball was the only thing he worried about. Sin was there too, but when Koushi played Blitz, Sin was a far away thought.

 

After he’s done admiring the view, Koushi pulls the sphere out of his robes and fiddles with it, to make sure that it is actually recording. Koushi hadn’t thought about leaving behind any memoirs, but running across the High Summoner Jongdae’s spheres had been something like inspiration. Different from Koushi, he was bright and positive about his journey. It was fun to watch, especially since his Guardian, Sir Sehun was the complete opposite. And there must be something magical about Lake Macalania, because love seems to bloom here, if High Summoner Jongdae’s sphere is anything to go by.

 

Koushi doesn’t have anything so grand but he once he starts he finds himself pouring his feelings into the sphere. Koushi has something to say about everything, about the people and about his feelings. Before Koushi knows it, he’s said everything that he’s kept hidden and even things he thought he had buried away. Now that the sphere is filled, Koushi feels conflicted. Koushi knows that he could erase it, but then there would be nothing left at the end of his journey.

 

Thinking about where he is, Koushi realises that all he has to do is bury the sphere beneath the surface. Koushi doesn’t want anyone to know of his feelings but he doesn’t want to keep it bottled up. This is probably a good chance to acknowledge it and discard it. After locking the device and shutting it down, Koushi strips himself of the thick and heavy robes. He’d never be able to dive to the bottom of the lake with so many layers of clothes on. Kicking them to the side, Koushi holds the sphere in hand and jumps into the lake, diving deeply to the bottom so that he can hide his one and only sphere.

 

As soon as Koushi sinks into the water, his body shudders at the cold, but it moves swiftly in appreciation. Koushi glides through the water with ease, body quickly getting use to the change in temperature. It’s been a long time and now, Koushi regrets not taking a Blitzball with him. After gliding on the surface for a while, Koushi dives further down, ready to leave the sphere behind for good. With it, Koushi will leave his feelings behind.

 

However, Koushi doesn’t even get down to the bottom of the lake before pressure jolts him. In shock, Koushi drops the sphere and turns in the water. Directly above him, Oikawa’s body is sinking as he swims down to grab Koushi’s arm. He pulls and Koushi jerks instinctively. Eventually, Oikawa does get him out of the water, pulling Koushi to the surface and hugging tightly, pressing Koushi’s head against his chest. Seriously, what is it with them and bodies of water?

 

“What the hell are you doing?” Oikawa yells.

 

“What,” Koushi huffs for air because Oikawa had scared him and as a result, Koushi had fought in a struggle with him. Koushi seriously thought he was going to die _drowning_ and that’s ridiculous thought for a former Blitzball player like himself but it Oikawa had made it _very_ possible. “What are _you_ doing?”

 

“That’s what I’m asking you!” Oikawa scoffs, but he’s holding on so tightly, Koushi thinks he might suffocate. “Are you trying to kill yourself?!”

 

“What?” Koushi laughs into Oikawa’s chest because that’s not even a question. That ending is the very purpose of the pilgrimage—Koushi won’t need to worry about that until he completes his duty. There’d be no point in dying early. Oikawa must have forgotten. “I was going for a _swim_ , Oikawa. I used to Blitz.”

 

“You…” Oikawa finally allows Koushi to free himself, by grabbing Koushi’s shoulder and pushing him up. Koushi notes that Oikawa is beet red from embarrassment and it only makes him smile. “Oh god, I can’t believe you.”

 

Koushi just looks down at him, trying his hardest not to laugh but failing miserably. Becoming comfortable with Oikawa like this is probably the worst idea possible but it’s not something that Koushi can control alone. Even if Koushi were to pull away, Oikawa has the ability to step forward and that’s exactly what he’s been doing. Everything has been harsh but Oikawa is soft and it’s very tempting for Koushi to lean into that warm. Like now, as Oikawa looks at Koushi with a tender gaze and runs his fingers through Koushi’s hair, brushing the wet strands away from his eyes and then chuckling softly.

 

“It’s not dust after all,” Oikawa comments, thumb gazing the skin just beneath Koushi’s eye. “I always wondered.”

 

Koushi stops in surprise, blinks the water away and bursts into another bout of laughter. That is probably the reason that he’s always feeling Oikawa’s gaze on him. The fact that Koushi knows now, puts his mind at ease. He doesn’t have to continue worrying about what it means and it’s good to put the matter to rest, along with everything else that Koushi has let go of tonight.

 

“As expected, you’re _still_ handsome,” Oikawa ends up smiling and Koushi hates the reference to the old saying about water and handsome men. “Fragile looking too.”

 

Koushi blinks, confused and then shocked to the point it makes him shake his head with disapproval for the notion. However Koushi will let him change the topic. Koushi doesn’t want to talk about this anyway too deeply anyway. Supporting his own weight, Koushi lifts a hand off the ground and then pulls away.

 

“Coming from you that’s not a compliment,” Koushi sighs, as he begins to squeeze his sleeves dry. “Don’t try to flatter me like you do the rest of the world.”

 

Handsome Oikawa had said. If anyone is handsome, it’d be _Oikawa_. Does he even know? Yes, but he’s annoying about it, so Koushi won’t tell him that he shares the same opinion. Oikawa has often used it to his advantage. At every stop that they’ve made, Oikawa has charmed his way in and made everything about Koushi’s pilgrimage much more comfortable.

 

“Whatever,” Oikawa huffs as he shuffles to a sitting position, “You almost scared me to death.”

 

“Well, it was a good thing,” Koushi turns away to hide his smile. “I thought you didn’t care.”

 

Oikawa falters and Koushi smiles wider. It looks like Oikawa is finally realising it, but he has gradually developed a connection with Koushi and his friends. At first, Koushi was sure that it was all for the purpose of gaining Koushi’s favour, but something changed. Koushi has seen the efforts Oikawa has exerted in trying to get Asahi into shape, in telling Ennoshita where the best spots to film are and in sparring with Shimizu every now and then. Being so close there’s no way to stay immune to friendship. Shimizu is silent but caring and it’s almost impossible to avoid it with Asahi, who’s sweet though slightly flighty and of course Ennoshita, who’s presence is calming and safe.

 

“But you Blitz, huh?”

 

Koushi nods, reminiscing about the days when all waters were comfortable and soothing. “What about you, Oikawa?”

 

“Just a little,” Oikawa replies and it’s tangy, like there’s regret there. “I became a Guardian at the age of sixteen. You know that doesn’t give you a lot of time to do much else.”

 

Koushi knows how it is to live in Spira. There’s no avoiding death, so people don’t have much to look forward to. However, Oikawa has survived Sin for sixteen years, lived through a Calm which gave him another ten years and he is here now. He’s gotten a lot more than what the average Spiran citizen would have. Koushi is not complaining. Oikawa deserves it, for all of his hard work on his journey more than ten years ago, for all the trauma that he must have gone through once the pilgrimage was over. Koushi doesn’t think he’d want to relive it, but here Oikawa is.

 

“But you saw Spira,” Koushi says in response. “It must look different to you. You lived through the Calm and you got to see what High Summoner Matsukawa worked for. Is it not worth it?”

 

Oikawa hums, but doesn’t say anything with certainty. Koushi still can’t push for answers. Everyone’s journey is different but Oikawa has always avoided answering anything in detail. However, if Oikawa didn’t think that the journey was worth it, then he wouldn’t be on his second pilgrimage. There has to be something that is worth going through it again. Perhaps what Oikawa had said about _saving_ Sin is the key here. Maybe, Summoners aren’t meant to exercise Sin for it to go away forever. Koushi shudders at the thought because that means that they’ve been doing it wrong all this time and that all the sacrifice has been in vain.

 

“But seriously, were you really just going for a swim?” Oikawa asks, shredding his own outer robe and layering it over Koushi’s shoulder. “Seriously.”

 

“Seriously,” Koushi teases.

 

Macalania Lake has a different aura to it. Koushi doesn’t feel threatened by the calm waters that is closed off and hidden away from Sin. It was good for him to relive the sensation of the water and better, to hide a sphere that no one else should be able to find. It’s probably not going to last through the years underwater anyway. Koushi doesn’t have to worry about the evidence and he can let go of the feelings just like he let go of the sphere. No one has to know. The first step has been taken and all Koushi has to do it wait for the time when everything falls into place.

 

“I thought you didn’t like water,” Oikawa points out, slightly confused.

 

“Open sea,” Koushi corrects easily. It’s not surprising that Oikawa has noticed. “Water in general is fine.”

 

Oikawa sits, letting the information sink, “Because of Sin?”

 

“You could say that,” Koushi replies, not willing to admit it aloud.

 

Oikawa opens his mouth and then shuts it. Koushi doesn’t mind, but he knows that Oikawa tends to have a sharp tongue. It might be better if he doesn’t say anything, because they’ll surely clash. They sit through more silence, but nothing too suffocating. The whole pilgrimage is suffocating unless there’s something out there to see, or if his friends are in a particularly good mood. Without Nishinoya around, it’s always quiet. Koushi still doesn’t know whether or not he’s happy with that arrangement. It’s hard to be distracted when everything around him is quiet. But then he knows that he’ll want peace and quiet to dwell in his own thoughts if Nishinoya were around. It’s just impossible to have something without the side effects.

 

“Makes you miss home?” Oikawa asks eventually, like he’s finally decided on _this_ question out of all the others.

 

It feels like Oikawa is throwing Koushi a bone, giving him the chance to change the topic. Koushi chuckles quietly to himself. No matter how long it has been Koushi doesn’t know how to deal with Oikawa. Oikawa can be kind but he can also be cruel. Most of the time, his friends just react to Oikawa depending on who it is that Oikawa is trying to be that day. Koushi on the other hand, tries harder, to see what lies beneath, which one is the truth and which one is the lie. If he has any intentions of trying to give Oikawa what he wants, Koushi needs to know.

 

A Final Aeon and the Summoner’s bond is unclear. Koushi knows that he gets to choose—the one that he’s closest to, the one that he cares about the most, but does that same requirement apply to the one becoming the Final Aeon? No one has ever returned to provide that information so perhaps not. It’s strange to think about it but maybe Oikawa would know. However, Koushi doesn’t want to ask Oikawa. It will like admitting defeat and Koushi hates seeing the smirk on Oikawa’s face. If there’s anything he wants to know about the bond between the Summoner and the Final Aeon, all Koushi has to do is ask Lady Yunalesca when they reach the ruins of Zanarkand.

 

“Yeah,” Koushi nods, because it kind of does. Home, where it’s warm and cozy, home, where the threat of Sin looms like every other place in Spira, but it’s also where Koushi is incapable of doing anything about it. “Kinda does. What about you Oikawa? Don’t you miss home?”

 

“Hm,” Oikawa hums. “I’m okay.”

 

It sounds like Oikawa is just saying so for the sake of it. Apart from information about the pilgrimage in general, Oikawa doesn’t ever say much about himself. He will praise himself in appearance and skill, but that is the extent of it. Koushi has come to see it as a façade and it becomes easy to notice that Oikawa is as closed off as they come. Other than the things that matter to Koushi, things that will possibly affect him, Koushi hasn’t pushed for answers. Of course, he continues to try and get the answer of why Oikawa wants to be the Final Aeon out of him, but it’s an effort that seems in vain. Of all the things that Koushi wants to know, _that_ seems to be the most tightly kept secret of all. Koushi probably should let it go, but this isn’t a matter that affects Oikawa alone, so he cannot allow that to be.

 

“It’s late,” Koushi sighs after hours of silence. “We should probably head back. You should probably dry up too, Oikawa.”

 

Oikawa pins Koushi with a look, like he wants to ask for another moment but then decides against it. As usual, his expression changes quickly, like a flash of lightning and he’s smiling at Koushi sweetly. Koushi is glad that he acted first. Who knows what kind of shit he would have agreed to if he didn’t put a stop to his night and allowed Oikawa to start with his soft and sweet voice? Luckily, Oikawa lets it go, probably because Koushi looks purple, because he certainly feels it.

 

“Come on,” Oikawa chuckles and then extends a hand over to Koushi. “We better get you changed or Shimizu will have my head.”

 

“But I might like that,” Koushi jokes.

 

“Please Kou-chan,” Oikawa rolls his eyes, hand still outstretched for Koushi to take. “You like me more than that.”

 

“Honestly,” Koushi shakes his head but does, grab onto Oikawa’s hand, “Where do you get all that confidence?”

 

Oikawa is smiling the whole way and Koushi doesn’t realise until it’s too late, that he didn’t deny it.


	5. Chapter 5

Koushi hasn’t seen a Blitzball since they left Luca. It’s a nice change of pace to walk towards Macalania Temple and find young children practicing for the game. As if in his natural habitat, Oikawa jumps just in time to catch the attempted shot to the goal bare handed. It doesn’t look like Oikawa’s time playing Blitz was as short as he had made it out to be. There’s no water resistance to dull the friction so it must be hard on his skin, but Oikawa doesn’t let it show. Instead, he’s smiling and getting vibrant smiles in return. Koushi just stares, awed by the obvious skill and then, more by the familiarity that the people at the Macalania Temple have with his Guardian.

 

“Tooru!”

 

Oikawa receives a grand welcome (but then again, where _doesn’t_ he?) and hugs from all the Monks and children residing in the temple, telling him _welcome home_ in the most affectionate manner possible. Then there’s a young boy that comes rushing out of the crowd to jump into Oikawa’s arms. It’s such a bazaar image that Koushi can’t bring himself to move from where he stands because he feels like he’s walking into unwelcomed territory.

 

“Takeru,” Oikawa beams, running to meet the young man halfway.

 

Koushi almost does a double take, because that’s the softest that he has seen Oikawa. Shimizu shares the same sentiment, because she steps back, visibly shaken by Oikawa’s display of affection for the young man. Looking on, Shimizu frowns, feeling both nervous and slightly taken aback and unsure of what she needs to do in a situation like this. It’s probably because they have both thought that this side of Oikawa wasn’t possible. This is the problem with _assumptions_ and Koushi should know by now, but he can’t help that human part of him.

 

“Uh…” Koushi takes a step back so that he can whisper to his friends. “Should we give them some time?”

 

“We can just go first,” Ennoshita suggests easily, because Oikawa has been outdoing them at the Temples. Additionally, there’s no time to waste even if it may feel like they have time. Day by day, people continue to die because of Sin. “We’re more than capable of leading you through the Cloisters.”

 

“It’s too cold out,” Asahi adds with chattering teeth.

 

Shimizu clears her throat, “But—”

 

Koushi agrees with Shimizu wholeheartedly. Even though no one is rejecting them, it feels like it’s wrong to move forward. Koushi has always wanted to get to know more about Oikawa, but not by prying the information out of others. He wants all the honesty from Oikawa himself. It almost feels like he’s cheating—using his status as a Summoner to get what he wants. That’s definitely not what a building a bond should look like.

 

“Just come,” Oikawa says, cutting their discussion short. “I’ll walk you through the Cloister of Trials and then I’ll catch up with them.”

 

Koushi doesn’t even get a moment to protest. The children around, along with the Monks gather around him and insist that they walk him through the doors. The children especially are hard to deny, as they cling onto his robes and pull him in while asking about how Oikawa has been. It’s endearing and Koushi smiles as he tells white lies because Koushi cannot accurately answer any of their questions. He knows in what sense the children mean their questions but he has no actual knowledge of the true answer.

 

“Now now,” a Monk chides the children and detaches them from Koushi, “The Summoner has work to do. You go and play.”

 

“Thank you,” Koushi says with a little bow.

 

“I am Watari,” the Monk introduces. “Please don’t mind the children. It’s been such a long time.”

 

“It’s really fine,” Koushi shakes his head fondly. It’s been so long since Koushi has been close to young and innocent children he didn’t realise that he’d missed it. “It’s been a long time, they must have questions.”

 

“We should go,” Oikawa cuts their conversation short.

 

It’s likely that there is information that Oikawa wants to withhold. Koushi understands the hesitation and he’s not upset at Oikawa for doing everything he can to stop it, but Oikawa needn’t be so rude to the people who are probably family. Koushi gives Watari a strained smile, hoping to convey the message that it’s enough and that he understands so that Oikawa and Watari don’t start an argument in front of the young ones.

 

“Thank you,” Koushi repeats on ceremony. “I will enter the Chamber now.”

 

Koushi turns to smile at his friends and they will know what he means. Oikawa sets out to follow as well but Koushi shakes his head in response. Oikawa is finally home. It seems like it’s been a long time for both parties. Koushi is sure that they will have a lot to talk about. Koushi won’t be going anywhere, so Oikawa can take a break from his duties here for a short while and become a normal citizen again. Koushi remembers asking about home. Oikawa’s response was pretty half-assed but Koushi remembers it nonetheless. Even if Oikawa gives it little importance, Koushi thinks that it’s worth a lot more than that.

 

“You can stay,” Koushi instructs.

 

Oikawa shakes his head, “I know this Temple best, it’ll be faster with me.”

 

“But your family—”

 

“They can wait,” Oikawa assures and his family, mainly Takeru nods vigorously in agreement. “So Shimizu, Ennoshita and Asahi can catch a break. It’ll be quick.”

 

There are protests because Oikawa is taking on a very large role as Koushi’s Guardian, but Oikawa is good at provoking people. Turning to Koushi’s friends with a huge smirk on his face, Oikawa crosses his arms and tells them that this might be their only chance to gather any _dirt_ on him. Koushi manages to conceal a snort behind his hand, because it’s a very tempting offer but if Oikawa is saying so, it means that his family have already gotten his back. Of course, Ennoshita doesn’t back down from the challenge and Shimizu is just as determined. Asahi seems to be the only that is constantly distressed because of the things that manage to come out of Oikawa’s mouth.

 

“Well then,” Oikawa grins devilishly as he presses his hand into the small of Koushi’s back to guide him up the stairs. “Good luck.”

 

Koushi gives his friends a _look_ that tells them to just give it up and get some rest instead of trying to have a battle with Oikawa’s family and friends. There’s no way that they can win a battle that Oikawa has set them up to lose. Instead of obeying, Ennoshita and Shimizu return his gaze with defiance and Koushi sighs. He can’t stop them now.

 

“Why would you do that?” Koushi mutters under his breath.

 

“They’re fun to rile up,” Oikawa replies, leading Koushi through an icy trail. “But honestly, I know this Temple best so it’ll be done quick.”

 

True to his words, Oikawa moves swiftly through the Cloister of Trials. Every one of Oikawa’s footstep is immaculate, it doesn’t feel like there was a trial to begin with. Before Koushi knows it, the door to the Chamber of the Fayth is open for him. Koushi is impressed and he doesn’t even bother hiding it anymore. Oikawa already knows how skilled he is.

 

“You don’t have to wait,” Koushi instructs as he stands at the entrance of the Chamber. “Go back and catch up with your family. We won’t stay long after I’m done.”

 

Oikawa looks at him carefully, “Will you be alright?”

 

“It’s an order,” Koushi tells him. “Tell Shimizu that I said so.”

 

Oikawa looks reluctant, but eventually relents to Koushi’s firm gaze. Koushi waits until Oikawa is gone before heading into call upon the Fayth. He’s always entered the Chamber of the Fayth alone, so this is nothing different. Koushi only wishes that it were a little warmer, but it might offend the Fayth if he were to ask Ifrit to keep him company, so he holds back, hoping to display enough sincerity for the Fayth to answer his prayers quickly.

 

Falling to his knees, Koushi folds his arms into prayer and lowers his head as he seeks for the Fayth’s guidance. Koushi doesn’t look as the pyerflies gather before him. Only when the Fayth addresses him, does Koushi deem it safe enough to do so. She calls herself Shiva and Koushi nods silently before introducing himself to her. Shiva is like the rest of Macalania. She’s a cold blue, but she functions just like every other Fayth. Koushi is a little mesmerised by it and wonders if it’s her protection that the people of Macalania survive in such icy weather all year round.

 

After answering her questions in a satisfactory manner, Shiva grants him her service. Koushi bows deeply, forehead kissing her feet before she dissolves, leaving behind the method to summon her. Koushi waits and waits, until the silence seeps in and heaves a sigh of relief. Exiting the Chamber of the Fayth, Koushi closes the door and moves through the Cloister of Trials to make it back to the main Temple.

 

It’s slightly warmer at the main body of the Temple so Koushi takes his time to look around. Before Koushi turns into bed, there’s someone else he must greet. Because the children were around before, Koushi hadn’t managed to do it, but now he will. Once he gets to the bottom of the stairs, Koushi sidesteps slightly to stand before the stone statute of High Summoner Matsukawa.

 

“High Summoner Matsukawa,” Koushi looks up at the statue and smiles, “It is my honour to have your Guardian on this pilgrimage with me.”

 

Koushi doesn’t expect a reply, just like how it is when the pyerflies that reside in the Farplane come together to display the image of someone from a distant memory. Koushi stares at the statute, wondering if there’s anything else he can say, but all he manages to tell the High Summoner is that his Guardian is currently well. Koushi cannot even guarantee that Oikawa will be fine for the remainder of his pilgrimage. All he can do is ask for Lord Matsukawa’s protection and guidance along the way.

 

“Then, goodnight,” Koushi bids his farewell with a bow.

 

The Temple is quiet now and Koushi realises how long he had been inside the Chamber of the Fayth. The time that Koushi tends to spend in the Chamber of Fayth is always inconsistent but he must have been frozen by the cold or something, because it’s dark out now. Only the Temple Monks move about quietly in their own business. None of Koushi’s friends are around. Koushi is glad that his friends did listen to him after all.

 

Koushi is glad to find that everyone is fast asleep when he goes around their rooms. It’s only at times like this, when they let their guard down as Koushi get to take care of them in return. Slipping into their rooms, Koushi checks everyone’s state, just to make sure that they have tucked in properly. Despite being inside, Macalania Temple holds Shiva, so it’s always going to be chillier than other places.

 

Oikawa is the last one that he visits. Unlike all his friends, Oikawa sleeps surprisingly well. He has the blanket twisted tightly around his body and is warm as he sleeps. Koushi doesn’t have to worry about him. Maybe except for the lines that have formed on his forehead from the scrunched face, but otherwise, Oikawa will be fine. Sighing in relief, Koushi turns his heel and proceeds to leave so that he can turn into bed early as well. On his way out, he bumps into Monk Watari who flashes him a wide smile.

 

“Lord Sugawara,” Watari bows lightly, “Checking up on him?”

 

“Ah,” Koushi greets, bowing a little. “Yes… just… on everyone actually.”

 

“Let me show you to your room,” Watari offers kindly. Watari is also quick to justify Oikawa’s behaviour, probably feeling like he has a duty as Oikawa’s family to do so. “I’m sorry about Oikawa. He grew up here, along with the others, so he doesn’t act like it’s a Temple.”

 

Koushi smiles, “To be honest, none of the Temples have been treated as Temples by him.”

 

“The first pilgrimage would have scarred him,” Watari explains. “Please don’t mind it.”

 

Koushi shakes his head, “I understand.”

 

“You must have questions,” Watari concludes.

 

“Well,” Koushi licks the cracks on his lips and sighs. “I guess. But it’s not my place to ask them.”

 

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Watari smiles, ready to give Koushi the information he needs so that their bond can deepen, so that Koushi can _understand_ Oikawa. “You are his Summoner.”

 

Koushi should fight the temptation and say _no_ , but Koushi is curious about what kind of child Oikawa was, how he grew and maybe, he’s a little curious about Sir Iwaizumi, whose worth is more than the High Summoner Matsukawa had been. Maybe Koushi had been wrong about Oikawa’s grudge. Maybe, Sir Iwaizumi is important and maybe, Oikawa believes that Sir Iwaizumi should have been the one to stay behind instead. Koushi wants to know but cannot ask because he’s cowardly, so he opts to decline all the knowledge that Watari is willing to share.

 

“There’s always a line,” Koushi concludes.

 

Koushi would rather not cross that boundary. It’s a scary thought, allowing himself to grow attached in a place like Spira, to things that Sin can easily touch.

 

“Then, goodnight,” Watari wishes him well, bowing. “Please come and get me if you need anything.”

 

“Thank you. We will stay til noon,” Koushi informs, “So you can have some more time with him.”

 

Watari bows to him, in prayer, “You are too kind.”

 

Koushi pulls his lips together tightly to avoid having them quiver. He’s not as kind as people make him out to be. Not all Summoners are sweet people who wish to get rid of Sin for the sake of Spira. Koushi’s journey is not based on that reasoning. A large part of his reason is of course, revenge. So many people had left him behind on Besaid Island and went along with Sin. Koushi wants revenge but it’s not enough to blind him. The other reason is because he might long to be where they are.

 

Sighing, Koushi drops face first onto the bed and buries his face into the pillow. Maybe he’ll just sleep off all the tension. However, his hand hits the corner of the bed and the bangle sitting on his wrist snaps off and hits the floor with a clanging sound. Koushi debates ignoring it but pulls himself back up anyway because it had been a gift from the people are home to keep him safe for the majority of the journey.

 

Despite not wanting to move, Koushi might forget about it so he peels himself from the bed and begins looking around for the bangle. Patting around the ground, Koushi finds the bangle with ease but along with his bangle a sphere also turns up. Koushi stares at the blue sphere in his hands and contemplates putting it back where he had found it. It’s not Koushi’s thing to play with, but… is this another one of the High Summoner Jongdae’s spheres? In the end, curiosity gets the better of him and Koushi presses the button to start the playback.

 

_“Uh… is this thing even working?”_ A man mumbles while scratching his cheek nervously without looking at the sphere properly. _“Should have asked Matsukawa for some help…”_

It’s obviously not High Summoner Jongdae’s sphere, but Koushi is intrigued. The sphere buzzes loudly for a couple of seconds before it comes back into focus. Whoever it is seems to have the hang of it now.

 

_“Anyway,”_ he clears his throat. _“Oikawa—”_

 

Koushi’s breathe catches in his throat at the name that comes out of the man’s mouth. Immediately, he fumbles around to turn off. This sphere isn’t meant for him. Carefully, Koushi sets it down and looks to and fro, tempted, but also strong in his resolve. Chewing on his lips, Koushi tucks the sphere away, back down beneath the bed but not in deeply, so that the blue hue will glow and maybe, Oikawa will find it in the morning. Even in that minute second, Koushi had taken in enough to know a lot more than he wants. The background had shown him in enough. That had been Sir Iwaizumi’s bed—the one that Oikawa is sleeping on now. That means that this room belongs to Oikawa.

 

“Oh,” Koushi gasps, because it all makes sense now. “ _Oh_.”

 

Koushi is pretty much screwed. Koushi doesn’t need any more information to be certain of all the pieces that are already there. It’s a complete picture and there’s no room for Koushi in it. Not even a little. This second journey that Oikawa has decided to take is not for anyone else but Sir Iwaizumi. Everything makes sense. The pieces that were missing in Oikawa’s frame are now within Koushi’s hands. It’s complete.

 

It’s funny because in a sense, they’re similar. Like how Koushi wants to be where his friends and family are, Oikawa also wants to be where Iwaizumi is. There are many ways to find death in Spira, but someone like Oikawa, the honorary Guardian of the High Summoner Matsukawa cannot die that way. If he serves a purpose, by defeating Sin and bringing the people of Spira another Calm then he can die without shame. There is no way that Iwaizumi would blame him for that.

 

 

 

 

 

Koushi wakes up at dawn feeling sick because he hasn’t managed to sleep much. When Koushi begins packing his clothes, he thinks that he is not kind like Watari had said. Once done, Koushi sneaks out of his room and into his friends’. He wakes them up early and he’s sorry about it, but Oikawa is home now. Koushi won’t have to worry about him doing anything stupid, just because he’s been abandoned by his Summoner.

 

“Sorry,” Koushi frowns at Shimizu, “We gotta run.”

 

“What,” Shimizu mumbles warily but she’s quick to get onto her feet. “What happened?”

 

“Nothing,” Koushi answers sloppily, “I’m going to get Asahi and Ennoshita, so could you hurry?”

 

Koushi makes a swift exit before Shimizu can protest. The monks are also up early, but he can avoid them so long as the children don’t notice him. Somehow, Koushi manages to get to Asahi and Ennoshita’s room unnoticed. He makes them move quickly too and before he knows it, they’re all out the Temple doors. Someone must have noticed by now, so they have to hurry and find their way back to Bevelle.

 

“What about Oikawa?” Asahi frowns like a kicked puppy.

 

Koushi does feel a little bad about it, but they have to move quickly so he plays indifference, “He’s home.”

 

Asahi looks back with a frown. Koushi knows that they’ve gotten close. Oikawa is friendly and has been constantly giving Asahi tips for the pilgrimage. He’s a little bit sorry about it, but Oikawa is home now and Koushi would rather him stay than go on another pilgrimage. Koushi doesn’t feel like he’s lost anything by deciding on this. The pilgrimage started with the four of them and it can end the way that he had intended it to. Oikawa doesn’t have a permanent role here.

 

“I don’t need that many Guardians,” Koushi announces, confident in the ones that he does have. “You guys are more than capable of protecting me until we reach Zanarkand.”

 

Ennoshita throws Koushi a look, like he knows _something_ , but Koushi flashes him a silencing smile and he doesn’t say anything about it. Instead, they lead Koushi away from the Temple and away from the chilly cold. Koushi doesn’t like it here and getting away right now is his top priority. It’s as good an excuse as anything else really.

 

“We better hurry then,” Shimizu says without a fight because Koushi’s will is her own. “He’s persistent.”

 

“Right?” Koushi smiles.

 

The road alone without Oikawa is quieter than Koushi remembers it to be. It’s kind of strange too, because Oikawa is chipper and loud. Koushi has always been aware of his existence and now, it’s a little weird, but Koushi can get used to it. It’s only a matter of time, as it had been when Oikawa had first joined them. Koushi is confident in his ability. Sighing heavily, Koushi pulls the robes around his shoulder closer to his body and picks up his speed, knowing that his friends will follow.

 

It’s a long journey, but doesn’t take any longer than a day. Bevelle is a lot closer to Macalania Woods than Koushi had expected. Everywhere else had been distant and far, making it difficult to go on without proper breaks, but Bevelle is different. It’s directly neighbouring Macalania Woods and Koushi is only half grateful for it. Moving onto Bevelle means that Koushi will have a hiding place in the Temple, but it also means that it’s probable that Oikawa will catch up if he’s chasing.

 

The only comfort Koushi has when they finally exit Macalania Woods, it is not as chilly. Koushi doesn’t have to hide away behind his robes and can finally walk with ease. It allows him to take in the sight before him with some appreciation. Bevelle is grand—more so than any other place they have visited. It looks new and completely untouched by Sin. Koushi knows that the Temple is here, but it still doesn’t quell his anger. The Maesters of Spira are not doing enough to protect the greater population. Instead, they concentrate their powers into the large Temple and run it with _machina_ , even though they are forbidden.

 

“To the Chambers then,” Ennoshita decides.

 

Koushi nods. He’s had enough time greeting the Grand Maesters of Spira. He doesn’t like their company much. Everything about them had been all too formal and strict. They had smiled at him, taken his hand with gratitude but Koushi knows that there is a heavy weight of expectation that they are putting on him. Koushi smiles his way through it, but excuses himself quickly to find his way towards the Temple. If Koushi doesn’t move on soon, Oikawa will catch up.

 

More like fugitives on the run, they rush their way through the Cloister of Trials. The Bevelle Temple trial is much more complicated than the rest but Ennoshita, Shimizu and Asahi rise up to the challenge. Koushi is running a headache by the end of it but he doesn’t give in and rushes into the Chamber of the Fayth. Inside, he repeats the same ritual of prayer and stays grounded until he’s been blessed by the Fayth.

 

“I’m done,” Koushi announces as he exits but there’s not a soul in sight. “Shimizu?”

 

“I sent her off,” Oikawa’s voice replies sternly. “We need to have a talk, Kou-chan.”

 

Koushi jumps in his skin and internally curses his bad luck. Biting down on his lips, Koushi turns his heel and begins to walk with speed. There is nowhere for Koushi to run but he can pretend that he’s simply hearing things until he finds his friends.

 

“Wait,” Oikawa huffs, hands twisted into the back of Koushi’s robes.

 

Koushi jerks, eyes clamped shut because he had expected this to happen, but he wasn’t thinking that it actually _would_. If anything, Koushi was sure that the children would have kept Oikawa but it seems like they haven’t. Koushi hadn’t meant for this to happen but he’s not exactly surprised, though he had hoped that Oikawa would have stayed. Koushi had left the sphere in plain view for Oikawa to see it. No matter what the contents where, Oikawa should have been there thinking about it for a little longer.

 

“Oikawa,” Koushi acknowledges his presence.

 

Oikawa’s fingers twist further into Koushi’s robes as he steadies his breathing, “Kou-chan, that was uncalled for.”

 

Koushi turns slowly and steps back in attempt to pull away, but Oikawa’s grip is tight, causing the robes to twist uncomfortably around his arm. Koushi gives up then and there because Oikawa has no intentions of letting go. Oikawa has rightfully returned Koushi’s words to him.

 

“Uh,” Koushi staggers, wondering where his friends are, though deep down he knows that Oikawa has probably scared them all away. Oikawa can be frightening when he wants to be so it’s not even surprising. “You can let go? I have nowhere to run, you know?”

 

Oikawa refuses and Koushi heaves a resigned sigh, giving up the notion of fighting Oikawa on the issue. Oikawa is going to stick close now that he knows that Koushi is capable of leaving him behind without dismissing him of his duties. Koushi’s words have always been real and this is the first time that Oikawa has experience it in reality, but it must hit quite hard.

 

“We should talk,” Oikawa demands pointedly and his tone leaves no room for arguments. “Until then, we’re not leaving Bevelle.”

 

Koushi swallows the knot in his throat down and accepts defeat. There’s no one here to take his side. They probably wouldn’t anyway. Koushi had been cowardly and maybe, he had taken the wrong approach to it.

 

“Okay…?”

 

Koushi swallows thickly. Oikawa’s presence right now is intimidating. Koushi knows that Oikawa feels wronged and he even knows how wrong he is in Oikawa’s eyes. Koushi would be happy to argue otherwise, but Oikawa probably won’t listen, because that wasn’t even the first thing that Koushi had tried. Koushi knows that he is wrong, but that doesn’t mean that he has the heart to admit it.

 

“You left me behind,” Oikawa frowns at him. “I thought I was your Guardian.”

 

“You were home,” Koushi replies turning away because he can’t bear to look at Oikawa. “Takeru was so happy to see you.”

 

“That’s not reason enough,” Oikawa throws back. “I thought more of you.”

 

That’s why Koushi always tells people not to have expectations in him. He’s bound to break them all because he’s not exactly the perfect Summoner material. It’s Oikawa’s mistake for blindly placing his trust in Koushi. Koushi thinks that it’s enough of a reason to leave Oikawa at home, but no matter what he says, Oikawa is already here. Koushi can’t win the argument, not when his judgement is cloudy.

 

“It’s reason enough for me,” Koushi states, still trying to look for an escape.

 

Oikawa refuses let Koushi go. Instead, he grabs Koushi by the wrist and pulls Koushi to sit down by his side. Habitually, Koushi resists and Oikawa frowns at him.

 

“Take a short break,” Oikawa suggests. “It was always taxing for Matsukawa, so I don’t know how you’re fine to just fly by.”

 

“They’re waiting,” Koushi responds easily.

 

“You’re in the Chamber of Fayth,” Oikawa rolls his eyes, “These things take time.”

 

Too tired and drained to fight back, Koushi plops down by Oikawa’s side and leans his head back against the wall. The Chamber of the Fayth is a surprisingly safe place. Koushi can drop to his feet and let his guard down without worrying about how other people see him. Right now however, Koushi wishes he were anywhere but.

 

“Don’t leave me behind,” Oikawa pleads, resting his head against Koushi’s shoulder.

 

Oikawa’s words can easily be sincere. They probably are to an extent, but Koushi cannot allow them be. It’ll be like letting Oikawa win him over, an easy victory for the battle that Koushi has been putting his all into. So instead of letting the words warm his heart, Koushi turns a little and pulls away so that Oikawa tips.

 

Koushi scoffs, shifting away so that Oikawa can’t feel him shake. “Do you always ask for the impossible?”

 

“It’s not impossible,” Oikawa replies and Koushi almost sighs, because this is the talk again. “All you have to do is take me with you.”

 

Koushi isn’t sure what he wants to say in response. He doesn’t know what to say to get Oikawa to be honest with him, to tell Koushi the truth about why he wants to be the Final Aeon so badly. On the surface, it’s like Oikawa is saying that Koushi can keep him. They both know that it’s a lie but Koushi entertains Oikawa, curious about what it is that Oikawa will say in response to his sincerity.

 

Koushi shakes his head with a dim smile, “But I can’t have you.”

 

Oikawa’s mouth drops open but only for a fraction of a second like he can’t believe that Koushi has admitted it. It’s not like it matters though. The moment that Koushi blinks, Oikawa’s expression is gone. Koushi doesn’t care for it. No matter what it is that Oikawa says about being Koushi’s Final Aeon, Oikawa is not Koushi’s to keep. In the end, Koushi will not be around to see the effects of his work, nor keep Oikawa by his side. Pyerflies disperse and that’s all there is to it. There’s no way to keep pyerflies around him. If there was, people wouldn’t risk death to go to Guadosalam.

 

“You can,” Oikawa presses and Koushi’s heart breaks a little. “All you have to do is make me your Fayth.”

 

Koushi isn’t even surprised that that’s how Oikawa reasons it. It causes him to snort but that’s as entertaining as it is—dry and short lived. Koushi doesn’t need Oikawa’s words of comfort. Koushi doesn’t want Oikawa like this. It’s only obligation, the same kind that Koushi feels to complete his pilgrimage. There’s no point in keeping or asking for something that’s not his. There’s no way for Koushi to be satisfied of being the one that way.

 

“Have you ever been told that you’re cruel?” Koushi asks and he gets to his feet.

 

“Kou-chan…” Oikawa frowns and there is genuine hurt on his face.

 

“Don’t answer that,” Koushi cuts Oikawa off sharply because his intuition has sharpened. “It was rhetorical.”

 

There’s probably only one other person who has managed to say such a thing to Oikawa and have it hurt. Shaking his head with resign, Koushi pats his robes free of the dust and turns to leave. Koushi believes that he’s said enough. Oikawa chases after him, grabbing onto his arm. Koushi stops with a sigh, but Oikawa doesn’t let him say anything. Instead he steps closer, grabbing onto both of Koushi’s hands and squeezes it.

 

“Kou-chan,” Oikawa whispers softly. “I—”

 

Afraid of what’s next to come, Koushi interrupts him and settles the whole matter. “Thanks for chasing after me.”

 

 

 

 

 

After that, Oikawa follows Koushi closely wherever he goes. It’s a precaution to avoid being abandoned according to him. Koushi can’t even argue back because Koushi _did_ leave him behind. Oikawa has reason to be worried because if he could, Koushi would leave Oikawa behind again. But there’s no escape. Koushi’s pilgrimage is outlined and prescribed by tradition. For Oikawa, who’s already been on this journey, it’ll be easy to follow Koushi, especially since he knows the area much better than Koushi does.

 

“Stop it,” Koushi frowns as they exit Bevelle—Oikawa is too close. “I can’t even drop you anywhere so you don’t have to stick this close to me.”

 

“No way,” Oikawa scoffs and he walks even closer. “You could bind me to something and I’d have no way out.”

 

Koushi rolls his eyes—that ability is out of his range. Koushi is a Summoner but he’s not that apt at Black Magic—they’re actually his worst skills. Oikawa is overestimating him, especially given how knowledgeable Oikawa has been this whole journey.

 

“If I promise, will you stop,” Koushi growls because Shimizu is drilling holes into him.

 

“No,” Oikawa rejects the proposition. “I believed in your promise because you kept them, but not again. Not until the pilgrimage is over.”

 

Once the pilgrimage is over, Koushi won’t have a way to promise anyone anything, let alone Oikawa. It’s an unfair deal and Oikawa knows it, but it hasn’t stopped him from saying it. It just goes to say that Koushi is of little importance. Finishing the pilgrimage is Oikawa’s priority and for what reasons, Koushi cannot be certain but he’s beginning to fear it a little, even if it’s mostly instinctive.

 

“You’re so…” Koushi mutters to himself. “Annoying.”

 

Mean might more like it, but Koushi cannot let Oikawa know of how Oikawa affects his emotions. If Koushi is not important, then Oikawa can’t be either. There’s no room for it and no need for Oikawa to know either. Koushi doesn’t want Oikawa to be overly attached to him out of obligation—though a Guardian is _naturally_ _obligated_ to be many things.

 

But Koushi’s comment does not go unheard. It might be the final straw because Asahi and Ennoshita, who are usually content to let Oikawa be, step up the game as Guardians. Instead of trailing behind, they move forward to separate Koushi and Oikawa a little. It’s not overly obvious but it’s not exactly subtle, as they pull Oikawa into conversation, asking for facts regarding the Calm Lands. Koushi doesn’t care for it much, so long as he gets a moment to himself, to stop the suffocation.

 

“Are you feeling tired?” Shimizu asks, holding Koushi by the arm and leading him.

 

“Always,” Koushi chuckles bitterly. “The Fayths aren’t kind.”

 

“You did well,” Shimizu praises as she rubs soothing circles into Koushi’s elbow. “I’m sorry I left you alone with him.”

 

Koushi hadn’t seen the anger but he’s sure that no one could have stopped Oikawa in that moment. After Koushi met up with them again he could tell. Asahi had been more timid than ever and Ennoshita couldn’t argue with the seriousness that Oikawa had bought along with him. Koushi understands, so he doesn’t want his friends to be apologising for the things that are out of their control.

 

“It’s not your fault,” Koushi assures her. It’s _his_ , for letting his emotions get the better of him. “I shouldn’t have said yes to his request in the first place.”

 

“If you want him to live,” Shimizu says easily because she _knows_ , she _understands_. But that means that the others know just as well. Koushi’s not as good as concealing things as he thinks he is. “You don’t have to make him the Final Aeon, just because he wishes for it.”

 

“He said that I could take him with me,” Koushi manages a choked laughter, that’s one way of telling someone you _like_ them to some extent. Oikawa has probably mistaken Koushi for someone that he’s _not_. It’s funny because Koushi doesn’t really care how others see him. However, the idea has been tempting because he has a means of justifying it. “But I…”

 

Shimizu squeezes Koushi’s arms, telling him that he can stop, that he doesn’t have to say it out loud. It hurts much more that way, acknowledging it to another person, making it _known_ in a way that it cannot be hidden anymore. It will give Oikawa reason to exploit that weakness. Koushi sobs quietly and Shimizu takes him into her arms, hiding it from the world, even just for a brief moment.

 

“You’re doing well,” Shimizu praises.

 

Koushi can only chuckle bitterly into her shoulder.

 

 

 

 

 

When they finally get half way across the Calm Lands to make a stop at Rin’s Travel Agency, Oikawa decides to tell them that there is a Temple hidden behind the high rocks at the entrance of the Calm Lands. Everyone turns slowly, like old broken machina and Koushi giggles into his hands at the sight. There Oikawa is, doing that thing again, to upset Koushi’s friends at every chance that he gets. Shimizu and Ennoshita looks at him with exasperation but Oikawa, as he is, just flashes them a smile.

 

“Well… don’t get upset…” Asahi is the only one to try and pacify them because Koushi is busy giggling at Shimizu’s death glare. “Suga would have needed the rest anyway.”

 

“You couldn’t tell us this earlier?” Ennoshita sighs.

 

“Why? So that you can terrorise Suga into your whims again?” Shimizu cuts in, not holding back at all.

 

Perhaps Koushi should explain to his friend that Oikawa hadn’t done anything wrong to be abandoned back at Macalania Temple. Shimizu is being overprotective but that’s only because Koushi is keeping her out of the loop. Shimizu and Oikawa have actually gotten along better lately and it was a nice sight. Perhaps Koushi should start fixing things before it’s too late.

 

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Oikawa waves his hand dismissively, “We couldn’t have gone to the Temple from there anyway.”

 

“You’re just saying that because you think we don’t know any better,” Shimizu glares.

 

“Okay, stop,” Koushi exhales heavily as he stands between them. “We’ll take a break and then I can go back to Remiem Temple. It’s no trouble.”

 

Leaving at that, Koushi advances forward without his friends and sole Guardian. Speaking softly with the receptionist that stands at the front of the Travel Agency, Koushi asks for space for five and then slips away. It’s an open inn, different from the others, so he selects the bed further away and sits down to look into the distance. It is clear skies, without a hint of sea blue—a sight that Koushi appreciates because this is the last place Koushi will be. It’s strangely normal, nothing like the Thunder Plains or Macalania Woods. The Calm Lands is green as grass is supposed to be and the view of the clear sky soothes him. It looks like Koushi will have a good final view when the time comes, but he wants to remember it now, rather than later.

 

Koushi only gives himself a couple of hours of quiet. If he’s by himself for a while, he can put his mind to a restart. It won’t be hard to be with Oikawa after that. All Koushi has to do is reset every now and then. And all he needs at this point in time is to rest his feet. He may be exhausted, but sleep won’t come to him in such an open space.

 

“So, where’s Remiem Temple?” Koushi finally asks when he’s ready. “Which way should we go?”

 

All of them are up on their feet, ready to go as well. Koushi actually doesn’t think that it’s necessary for them to travel all the way back but he can’t find a proper way to express himself without offending them. According to tradition, they are his Guardians and they are to go where he goes.

 

“Chocobo Training,” Oikawa says and there’s a challenge in his eyes.

 

Koushi wants to be excited but at Oikawa’s challenge, Koushi ends up scoffing in spite, “Are you saying that I _can’t_ do it?”

 

“I didn’t say that,” Oikawa smirks, definitely challenging Koushi this time. “ _You_ did.”

 

Koushi heaves a breath out of his system, willing the anger away. Oikawa is still not the most pleasant person to be around. Stalking up to the Chocobo Trainer, Koushi asks politely to receive lessons to train the chocobo. The trainer, Alisa, is kind and lends Koushi a chocobo with helpful instructions. Koushi approaches the wild animal carefully. They are extremely well trained, but if they sense malice, Koushi might receive a kick that will immobilise him and stop him from continuing his journey.

 

Luckily, the chocobo seems to take a liking to him. As Koushi pets it gently, the chocobo sings as it rubs its head against Koushi’s palms. The creature is always cute from afar, but cuter now that it leans into Koushi’s affection. Koushi turns to give Oikawa a smirk for his own satisfaction and finds Oikawa seething with rage. Koushi just smiles wider because he wasn’t exactly expecting that reaction, but it’s gold nonetheless.

 

“The chocobos don’t like him very much,” Alisa snickers. “It was like that the last time he was here too.”

 

Koushi laughs along with her, cackling loudly because Oikawa deserves it. If Chocobo Training was Oikawa’s way of teasing Koushi then he deserves the lack of attention that the chocobo is showing him right now. It had been like a competition to Oikawa, but Koushi is happy to with a victory like this.

 

“Lev! Over here,” Alisa calls for a younger boy. “Come help the Summoner out! I’ve got to handle the other one or the chocobo’s gonna…”

 

“Please go,” Koushi proposes. Koushi doesn’t mind waiting. He’d rather watch Oikawa’s struggle. “I’ll wait here for Lev.”

 

Koushi stands there petting the chocobo as he waits for Lev to come around and give him the information that he needs. Oikawa is still battling with the other chocobo as Alisa tries to calm both parties down. It’s definitely a sight and Koushi can see his friends watching from the rest stop with great entertainment. Oikawa has always had the upper hand. It’s good to see that his friends will now have something to tease Oikawa about.

 

Oikawa almost looks murderous and Koushi just laughs as he pets the sweet chocobo. It doesn’t matter what it is that Oikawa is upset about, but if he’s jealous of Koushi then so be it. Koushi prefers the company of the chocobo anyway. Smiling at the chocobo, Koushi feeds it some greens until Lev comes around and helps him mount it.

 

“Are you alright?” Lev questions, as he helps Koushi adjust the seat.

 

“I’m fine, thank you,” Koushi smiles down at him. “Is the training course difficult?”

 

“I think you’ll be fine,” Lev grins. “You’ve got a better handle of her than your Guardian does.”

 

Koushi giggles and it makes Lev light up. Koushi can’t tell if the young boy is smiling at him or if he’s smiling at the chocobo. Either way, Lev pets the chocobo as he explains the course outline to Koushi. Koushi takes it all in, nodding carefully to what he understands and stopping Lev when he feels like he needs some more time to process the information.

 

“I’ll be right with you,” Lev says, “Just let me get a chocobo as well.”

 

The training is surprisingly easy. The chocobo that Koushi mounts is sweet and kind, easily following instructions. Koushi passes the test with flying colours and Lev praises him with stars sparkling in his eyes.

 

“Hey!” Oikawa cuts in as he brings his chocobo over. “You there, careful.”

 

He’s sneering at the poor boy and Koushi frowns in disapproval. This is not the way his Guardian should be. If Oikawa were to sneer at anything, it is better off directed at fiends, rather than humans. For someone with so much experience, Oikawa has got his priorities twisted in a knot. Remanding Oikawa with the authority of a Summoner, Koushi then turns back and smiles at Lev, hoping to soothe all the pain caused by Oikawa’s glaring. It might not help, but Lev doesn’t seem to mind much. Alisa is there in an instant anyway, calling Oikawa along to finish his training course.

 

Once the session is complete, all Koushi has to do is wait for Oikawa to lead him to the Remiem Temple where he can obtain the Fayth. After that, they will have to return and continue on their way, past Mount Gagazet and finally, to Zanarkand Ruins. Funnily enough, it’s a long while before Oikawa manages to complete the training course. Either Alisa is giving him a hard time or Oikawa is really struggling with the chocobo. Koushi enjoys the sight while he can. It’s not very often that he gets to see Oikawa struggle. When Oikawa is finally done, he’s huffing a little as he brings the chocobo around. Koushi opts not to say anything so that he can snicker quietly along their journey.

 

“Don’t,” Oikawa pouts as he leads the way.

 

Koushi clears his throat and gives Oikawa his word. He wants to stay on Oikawa’s good side until they get to the Temple. Once they get going, Koushi realises that Oikawa hadn’t been lying. The path is so well hidden, if they didn’t have Oikawa, Koushi would have never known about the hidden Temple.

 

“Was this Temple not hidden when you went on your pilgrimage?”

 

“No, it was,” Oikawa shakes his head. “We received some advice from the Summoner Kyungsoo who went before us.”

 

“Ah,” Koushi nods in acknowledgement. The network between Summoners is something amazing. “That was very kind of him.”

 

“Here,” Oikawa says, offering a hand.

 

Koushi looks down at Oikawa and _almost_ scoffs, but when else would he get the chance to act a little bit spoiled? Gently, Koushi places his hand into Oikawa’s and squeezes to make sure he’s got a good grip. In return, Oikawa holds onto him firmly and helps him down from the chocobo, not letting go until Koushi has steadied his feet.

 

“Thanks,” Koushi says.

 

Oikawa smiles and Koushi nods in acknowledgement, but he doesn’t say anything more. It’s like Oikawa to look for acceptance, maybe, acknowledgement of his talent, of the way he can get under Koushi’s skin, just by being himself but Koushi knows better than to let those feelings show. Summoners should be beyond that. It’s pointless to act on feelings alone.

 

“Looks like all that experience from your previous pilgrimage is paying off,” Koushi comments as he stands before the most beautiful Temple in Spira.

 

Remiem Temple has to be it. Its grandeur remains unblemished, protected by the high rocks behind the Calm Lands. Koushi is left breathless as he stares at the biggest Temple in all of Spira yet. Just looking at it has Koushi feeling honoured that he’s even standing before such a beautiful temple. He cannot take his eyes are from the décor, the clean appearance, as if this place has remained undisrupted by Sin.

 

“Yes,” Oikawa nods. “I told you it’d be useful to have me. Now you know.”

 

“I’ve noticed,” Koushi replies to entertain Oikawa, but he doesn’t take his eyes off the décor of the Temple. “Don’t you worry about the credits.”

 

It’s such an amazing sight, Koushi kind of wishes that he could have shared it with his friends as well. If anything, Koushi will make sure to tell them about the safe place that the Remiem Temple seems to be. Even without Koushi, they could probably make a home out of it if it was really necessary.

 

“Do you need to rest before we move on?”

 

“You may go first if you’d like,” Oikawa dismisses Koushi’s concern, waving his hand in the direction of the stairs that leads to the Cloister of Trials and the Chamber of Fayth. “There’s no Trial in the Remiem Temple.”

 

Koushi looks up at the door and nods, “Then get some rest while you can.”

 

Oikawa nods in agreement but Koushi has a feeling that he’ll be guarding the outermost door at the very least. Oikawa has been very careful since the last time and Koushi can only blame himself for it. Sighing, Koushi proceeds carefully up the stairs that leads to the Chamber of the Fayth. It’s easy to believe in Oikawa’s words after all the times that he’s provided guidance. Koushi is relieved to see that Remiem Temple is as he has said too.

 

Koushi takes his time in the Chamber, trying his earnest to summon the Fayth before him. This Temple is no different from the others and Koushi can already feel his energy draining as he waits for the Fayth to answer his prayers. It comes as a surprise then, when _three_ of them bestow Koushi with their presence. Koushi is astounded by their appearance because he’s never heard of such thing, let alone imagine ever seeing it.

 

The three sisters are draining. Koushi knew the drain of trying to convince one Fayth and now he knows three. By the time he’s done entertaining the three Fayths, Koushi is ready to pass out right in the Chamber. However, that would be disrespectful, so Koushi staggers about until he reaches the stairs. Once he sees them, Koushi pinches his cheek to regain full consciousness because he can’t afford to fall. Quickly ascending the stairs, Koushi is in a rush to find a room, but Oikawa, pops out of nowhere and almost gives Koushi a heart attack.

 

“Are you trying to leave me behind again?” Oikawa asks, sneaking up on him.

 

“I’ve learnt my lesson,” Koushi replies calmly despite feeling a shiver run down his spine and he makes sure to keep his feet grounded, to resist from jumping up and running, “You don’t have to worry about that.”

 

“Are you alright?” Oikawa finally asks, probably after noticing Koushi’s poor complexion.

 

Even though he can’t see himself, Koushi can feel that his condition is poor so he knows that there’s no way that he could hide it with a smile. Koushi doesn’t feel well, but more than that, he can feel his lips chapped to the point where they’re probably pale and his face cold, despite the warmth within the Temple. In the end Koushi gives up on the strong front and shakes his head.

 

“I could probably sleep for days,” Koushi jokes.

 

“Kou-chan,” Oikawa laughs and grabs onto Koushi’s wrist. “Come on, spend some time with me before you drop.”

 

The grip is light and Koushi could easily slip away, but he can’t bring himself to do it. Sighing quietly, Koushi crouches down next to Oikawa and sits next to him. It’s all silence, but it’s time spent. Koushi doesn’t mind what it is that they do, so long as Oikawa doesn’t complain afterwards. So long as Koushi isn’t doing anything, it can count as rest as well. Exhaling quietly, Koushi closes his eyes and counts each breath, hoping that it will bring him sleep.

 

“Don’t you ever want to live a peaceful life?” Oikawa asks and he trails his thumb from Koushi’s wrist down to his palms and presses down. “Why become a Summoner?”

 

Judging from his tone, Oikawa is not suggesting that a life at home, without the pilgrimage will be all rainbows and sunshine. It’s not, but it’s definitely a safer option than the pilgrimage. Koushi hums absentmindedly. He doesn’t have an answer to Oikawa’s question. Revenge sounds like a petty reason but that is a part of what Koushi is doing. There’s no other way to live anyway. Even if it’s not Koushi, there will be others on this journey. There’s no such thing as a peaceful life if Sin is around.

 

“Don’t you ever think about stopping?” Oikawa questions, pulling Koushi awake again.

 

Of all of their conversations, Oikawa actually sounds grave this time. Koushi’s eyes dart open and he turn to face Oikawa to make sure that he isn’t hearing things due to his exhaustion. Oikawa meets Koushi’s gaze with clear eyes and it says enough about how serious he is about his question.

 

“I’ve already done enough of that,” Koushi replies and returns the question because Oikawa really should be the one to be living quietly. “What about you? You deserve it.”

 

“I…” Oikawa swallows and then stops. “Never mind.”

 

“Feel guilt?” Koushi blurts out and continues his interrogation despite the way that Oikawa flinches. “Towards the one that was Lord Matsukawa’s Final Aeon?”

 

Koushi doesn’t make anything explicit because it’s not really his place. Besides, Koushi has decided to put it aside and to remove himself from it. The only thing he is curious about at this point is _Oikawa_ , rather than Sir Iwaizumi. Koushi is sure that Sir Iwaizumi had been a great man, but the person standing before him right now is Oikawa and right now, Koushi is concerned about him as a _Guardian_. No matter what it is that Oikawa thinks, he deserves a lifetime of peace and quiet, all for his efforts the first time around. There’s no need for Oikawa to open up old wounds by trying again.

 

“Did you…?”

 

Koushi feigns ignorance, “Did I…?”

 

Oikawa stares at him, as if trying to figure out the information that Koushi is not willing to provide. It’s not that Koushi expects Oikawa to know and to try and erase any doubt, but a small part of him wishes that they have formed at least a minimal level of trust. However, with the way that Oikawa is looking at him now, fear simmering beneath the surface of his skin, Koushi knows that Oikawa doesn’t completely trust him. Maybe he does trust Koushi as a Summoner but definitely not as a person.

 

Koushi did not invade Oikawa and Iwaizumi’s privacy any further than what he stumbled upon by accident. But with the correct information, anyone could figure it out. Koushi has been given enough clues along the way to know better. Oikawa may think that he hides things well, but he is famous after all. This journey has brought Koushi close to Oikawa’s friends and family too. As soon as Koushi found the last piece, all the information that has been lying around clicked. It’s a given that Koushi would find out eventually. It’s actually unnatural that Oikawa _thinks_ that Koushi wouldn’t.

 

“No,” Oikawa replies, expression dark and this time, Koushi flinches. “We’re not talking about this.”

 

Koushi’s lips curl into a bitter smile as he looks down at the space that Oikawa had occupied. It’s not like he was expecting Oikawa to give him all the answers, but this is rejection outright. Staring blanking at the place that Oikawa had been, Koushi waits for a while, to see if Oikawa will return, but he doesn’t. For Koushi, that’s enough to help him make a decision.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [**darksaber**](http://archiveofourown.org/users/darksaber) for reaching out and telling me you enjoyed the fic. Without you, I would have put off this last chapter for ages!

After the Remiem Temple, Koushi doesn’t allow them to take any more detours. It feels like they have been slow and every time Koushi thinks about _why_ , his thoughts direct him towards the conversations he holds with Oikawa late at night. Oikawa seems disappointed, but he goes where Koushi goes, like the perfect Guardian. It’s probably his last chance to earn Koushi’s favour. Taking the chocobo back to the travel agency, Koushi attempts to hurry because he’s certain that everyone is worried. Shimizu might be a little agitated because they’ve been gone so long.

 

“Shimizu was just about to head out to look for you,” Ennoshita scolds but he’s got a pleading expression on his face.

 

From the stern look on Shimizu’s face, a good explanation is needed. She won’t trust what Oikawa says, so Koushi speaks up instead.

 

“Sorry,” Koushi apologises, scratching his cheeks lightly. “Three Fayths in one Temple.”

 

Asahi’s eyes widen, the disbelief clear in his expression. Koushi pulls his smile a little tighter, because it’s a truth and the three Fayths had been draining to deal with, but it’s only part of the truth.

 

“Are you alright?” Asahi asks, coming closer to inspect.

 

“All rested up,” Koushi supplies with a wide smile, but allows Asahi to spin him around for good measure anyway. “We can go if you’re ready.”

 

“We’re ready,” Ennoshita affirms. “But are you? You’ve been travelling…”

 

“It’s fine,” Koushi says, waving his hand to dismiss Ennoshita’s concern. “We won’t be travelling by foot.”

 

“Eh?”

 

The look on their faces make Koushi laugh and he leans forward to pet the obedient chocobo. Koushi might actually be attached to the little creature. He’s actually a little jealous that Lev and Alisa get to spend so much time with them. It’s a pity, but Koushi will drag this out for as long as possible.

 

“We can borrow the chocobo from Alisa,” Koushi suggests and he waits patiently for their expressions to brighten. “They’re trained so we can drop off at the exit of the Calm Lands and continue by foot.”

 

Everyone nods in agreement and that’s all Koushi needs to run off to make the arrangement to borrow another three chocobo from Alisa and Lev. As if they have pre-planned it, Shimizu follows while Asahi and Ennoshita stay to intervene with Oikawa. Koushi raises a brow, but Ennoshita waves a hand, indicating that he should just go along with it.

 

“He didn’t do anything do you did he?” Shimizu asks quietly.

 

“No,” Koushi hums in agreement. “We’re good. It’s just… when he was home, I felt like he belonged there…”

 

Shimizu takes a moment to listen to Koushi’s explanation. When he comes to an end, she nods, acknowledging the information that Koushi has given her. She also accepts Koushi’s apology and says that she will make sure to apologise for being snappy towards Oikawa as well. Koushi doesn’t think that it matters, because Oikawa knows Shimizu well enough by now to know that Koushi is her first priority and that will override their friendship, but it’d be nice to see them get along until the end.

 

“Do you want to go home after this?” Koushi asks her.

 

“Are you thinking of granting his wish?” Shimizu replies.

 

“Oikawa wants it more than all of you,” Koushi explains and he feels a tang of guilt but it’s not towards Oikawa, whom Koushi has already ruled out. “You know that I’d never let you guys come along if you had let me leave on my own.”

 

“He wants it too much,” Shimizu points out and Koushi has to agree. “Don’t you think something’s up?”

 

“I do,” Koushi nods dimly. “But he doesn’t say, so we don’t know right?”

 

“You trust him,” Shimizu laughs, a little bitterly.

 

“He’s a Guardian,” Koushi replies and this is the first time ever that Koushi has ever regarded of his friends as _Guardians_ as well. Honestly, Koushi doesn’t even mean it because he doesn’t want any of them as a Guardian. He’s just using it as an excuse to deflect the argument. “As you are and none of you have put me in danger before.”

 

“I know,” Shimizu acknowledges.

 

“We’ll be fine,” Koushi reassures her with a smile. “We’re almost there.”

 

 

 

 

 

When they exit the Calm Lands, there is a bridge that leads to Mount Gagazet. Koushi looks at the small distance and feel his heart drop just a little. There’s only one more landmark before they reach the ruins of Zanarkand, where the end will begin. Standing right here, right now, Koushi feels incredibly alone. It’s a strange feeling because Koushi has known what the end holds ever since he stepped into the Temple at Besaid Island, but now, it’s really sinking in. There will be no turning back once he crosses that final step. It will all end and Koushi will go along with it.

 

“We should go see Yojimbo,” Oikawa interrupts Koushi’s thoughts, pointing down a path that Koushi cannot see.

 

Koushi remembers that name, “The Fayth?”

 

Oikawa nods and Koushi can’t help but smile at the potential delay. It seems like there’s an unsettled feeling in all of them anyway. A little more time on the pilgrimage couldn’t possibly hurt. Following Oikawa’s footsteps, they take a detour around the bridge and down a hill that has a cave well concealed. To Koushi’s surprise, Oikawa grabs onto him and sprints. His friends chase too, but the cave that they enter is dark and gloomy. It’s hard to see where they are going and Koushi only has Oikawa to lead him. Before Koushi knows it, they’ve reached a dead end and none of his friends are around.

 

“Hey, Oikawa!” Koushi complains as he jerks around to look for them. “Wait a sec—”

 

“It’ll be fine,” Oikawa says and he tugs Koushi forward, jerking him so hard, Koushi feels sick.

 

When Koushi is finally still, he feels like his soul has just left his body. It takes a while for him to adjust and register that he has finally stopped. Opening his eyes, Koushi finds that there is nothing but darkness, but he can see the hollowness beneath him. Freaking out, Koushi jumps backwards and stumbles against Oikawa.

 

“Holy—” Koushi exclaims, holding himself on the ground. “Are you trying to kill me, Oikawa?”

 

“How can I be your favourite if I killed you, Kou-chan?” Oikawa laughs, steadying Koushi by placing a hand on his back. “You’re so silly.”

 

Koushi bites down on his tongue and doesn’t bother replying. If anything, he’d end up affirming that Oikawa might already be his favourite, for a number of different reasons and not because he’s a Guardian, but that needs to remain a secret. It’s actually alarming because they are all special to him, but friendship Koushi has realised is different from Guardianship. Outwardly, Koushi relies on them but at the core, he wants to protect them the most. Although his friends are reliable enough to be Guardians, Koushi doesn’t expect any Guardian responsibilities from them like he does Oikawa.

 

“What is this place?” Koushi questions looking at his closed-off surroundings, “How did we even get in here?”

 

“The Cavern of the Stolen Fayth,” Oikawa explains, pointing to the seal on the ground. “Yojimbo is here. I told you about him.”

 

Koushi turns with eyes widened to study the space around him. It’s closed off and they’re the only ones here. Koushi can’t seem to see a clear exit either but it’s definitely a Chamber of Fayth. Koushi recognises the seals on the ground that keeps the Fayth locked away. However, the fact that Koushi is inside the Chamber with another person is strange. He can’t quite wrap his head around this reality.

 

“Call upon the Fayth,” Oikawa instructs.

 

Koushi blinks at him, “With you right here?”

 

“Yeah,” Oikawa nods, once and then twice. “Go on. I have business with him.”

 

Koushi looks up with surprise but Oikawa is being fussy about time. Furthermore, Koushi is curious about the business that a Guardian would have with a Fayth. It’s a little unconventional, but the location of the Fayth called Yojimbo already is. Kneeling before the intricate circle that will allow Koushi to summon the Fayth, Koushi bows before it and clasps his hands in prayer. Even so, Koushi can’t concentrate. It’s hard enough to ask for the Fayth but now that there’s someone scrutinising, Koushi feels like he’s doing a horrible job.

 

Where’s the sincerity? Where’s the desperation for the Fayth to aid him in his goal of defeating Sin? Koushi cannot feel a single thing. And it shows, because no Fayth answers his call. Still, Koushi keeps up a pretense until he is able to calmly and logically set his foot on the ground again. At the very least, Koushi’s efforts pay off.

 

“Summoner…” Yojimbo starts, deep before he breaks into surprise. “Oikawa?”

 

Koushi blinks as he jerks his head up to look at the Fayth before him. Koushi’s not even offended, just startled because Oikawa has the Fayth’s attention. It’s like the Fayth doesn’t notice Koushi at all, because he keeps his attention on Oikawa. Koushi tilts his head in their direction, shifting his gaze from the Fayth to Oikawa and back. They seem to be in a world of their own.

 

“Hey,” Oikawa replies, amused. “You haven’t changed a bit.”

 

“Heh,” Yojimbo smirks, looking at Oikawa has if he’s _finally_ grown into the man that he needs to be for a pilgrimage. “You’ve grown since then, but are you strong enough?”

 

“Who do you think you’re talking to,” Oikawa scoffs, “Yojimbo?”

 

Koushi gapes at their exchange. The Fayth is having a casual conversation with Koushi’s Guardian. Granted, Oikawa has been here before, but this is beyond Koushi’s understanding. Oikawa doesn’t fail to surprise Koushi at every chance that he can get.

 

“How about a discount this time?” Oikawa asks and Koushi notes that everything from his tone to Oikawa’s stance is very casual, like Yojimbo is his _friend_. “I’d say we’re well acquainted.”

 

“I was well acquainted with Lord Matsukawa,” Yojimbo frowns in his voice and there’s something like hesitation in his tone. “Not you.”

 

There’s something that Koushi is missing about their relationship but he can’t quite understand it when Oikawa mentions drawing _Zanmato_ out of Yojimbo. The flow of their conversation is too quick and cryptic. The Fayth frowns but he doesn’t look remotely cross with Oikawa, like this isn’t the first time that he has been asked. Koushi feels like the outsider, watching as Oikawa tries to earn the favour of the Fayth but he finds it fascinating.

 

“Um,” Koushi scratches his cheeks lightly, feeling slightly embarrassed because he has no control over the gil and also slightly apologetic because Oikawa looks extremely expectant. “Ennoshita has the gil, so we’ll have to go back and find them.”

 

Koushi staggers backwards as Oikawa’s expression falls apart. Koushi had been expecting that since Oikawa started speaking about a _discount_ but didn’t know how to break the conversation to inform him. Oikawa’s mouth drops open in disbelief and Koushi can only chuckle awkwardly. Koushi knew that he would need the gil for the Fayth. Oikawa had told him and he had memorised the piece of information, but Ennoshita has always been the one to deal with their finance.

 

“Are you serious,” Oikawa groans, running a hand down his face.

 

“Still green I see,” comments Yojimbo.

 

Koushi makes no comment but snickers in agreement. It seems like Oikawa still doesn’t know Koushi and his friends well enough yet.

 

“You wait right here,” Oikawa hisses at the Fayth, as he reaches for Koushi’s collar to tug him along, “We’ll be right back.”

 

“Then I shall charge you a waiting fee,” Yojimbo smirks.

 

Koushi can’t help but laugh, earning himself a little smack on the arm, just before Oikawa pushes him onto what seems to be a portal that takes him back outside. Although his friends are extremely upset, Koushi has a way of pacifying them—at the expensive of Oikawa’s reputation of course. Ennoshita, Asahi and Shimizu get a good laugh out of it, staining Oikawa red cheeks for the whole exchange.

 

 

 

 

 

Negotiations with Yojimbo don’t go well after that, but at least, Koushi now has his service. Koushi had found entertainment in the whole situation but Asahi and Shimizu are still upset. Koushi had promised not to leave them behind. Ennoshita is probably the one that has it worse. Ennoshita looks at the wallet of gil and cries at its emptiness. Koushi doesn’t mind it too much, for the entertainment, but it does look a bit pitiful to see how flat their wallet has become.

 

“I can’t believe you,” Oikawa complains to Ennoshita. “I’d have made a good bargain if it weren’t for you.”

 

“That’s your fault for running off without us,” Ennoshita replies, eyes still locked on the wallet in his hands. “What kind of Fayth is he anyway? He ate all the gil and… I can’t even—”

 

“You gotta pay more for his services in battle,” Oikawa mutters, annoyed. “I was trying to put an end to it…”

 

On that topic, Ennoshita and Oikawa banter the whole way. Asahi and Shimizu fall back just to keep Koushi company. They’re curious about the Fayth that resides here and ask a lot of questions about how the prayer went with Oikawa there. Koushi explains it to them and they look at him, eyes widened in awe. Koushi wishes that he could have shown them too, but there’s no longer a chance for that. There is no Fayth on Mount Gagazet and the Final Aeon is one that Koushi will only have to summon once.

 

“I don’t think you’re missing much,” Koushi says as a consolation. “The Fayths are scary.”

 

Well, that’s half a lie. Most of the Fayths are kind but they are intimidating. They don’t ever mean any harm and Koushi knows that. However, the way the gather, like pyerflies gathering is not a pretty sight to Koushi. Their Aeon forms are a different story and Koushi is always happy to share that with his friends.

 

“You worked hard,” Asahi praises, ruffling Koushi’s hair lightly as they find the exit.

 

Koushi flashes a wide grin, “I know.”

 

“Ch’,” Shimizu clicks her tongue. “Be a little more modest. You’re going to meet Lady Yunalesca soon.”

 

“Yes, yes,” Koushi sing-songs and ignores Shimizu’s glare in favour of the fresh air and new light.

 

When they finally step into the light outside of the cavern, there is a stranger standing there, greeting Koushi. Koushi looks at him and greets with prayer, but Koushi knows exactly what’s standing before him. This image right in front of him is a memory of a person that used to be.

 

“Lord Kyungsoo,” Oikawa greets, bowing his head to the Summoner dressed in robes years older than Koushi’s.

 

“Ah, it’s you again,” Summoner Kyungsoo nods. “It looks like my work here is done.”

 

Koushi looks from Kyungsoo and back at Oikawa. Of course they’d know each other, but this changes nothing about the way that the situation appears to Koushi. Clutching tightly onto his staff, Koushi wonders if this will be any longer or if he could voice his opinion now.

 

“Should I send you?” Koushi asks and Oikawa snickers into his hands, causing him to wonder what he’s done wrong. “Do you not wish to go, Lord Kyungsoo?”

 

“Rude,” Kyungsoo glares at him and Koushi flinches because those large round eyes are imploring and suddenly sharper than he thought possible—Kyungsoo is definitely more of a Summoner than he had first appeared. “A _Sending_? I’m here to guide you Summoners and your fellow Guardians. To give you the best chance at defeating Sin and you wish to _send_ me?”

 

“I’m sorry about that, Lord Kyungsoo,” Oikawa steps in and apologises in Koushi’s stead.

 

Koushi is a little baffled. The dead often want to be sent away. It’s always been normal for Koushi to ask. Koushi’s friends share the same sentiment. No one really wants to linger in the world to eventually become fiend. Lord Kyungsoo may have a little more control than others, but there would be a time when he would want to move on. Life in Spira as the dead is lonely.

 

“Lord Kyungsoo here,” Oikawa explains through his laughing fit and Koushi’s cheeks redden with embarrassment. “Direct Summoners and Guardians back to the Remiem Temple. That’s how we found out too.”

 

“Oh,” Koushi mouths and bows his head. “My apologies, Lord Kyungsoo.”

 

Kyungsoo on the other hand, has no intentions of forgiving him. Instead, he scoffs and disperses, like he wasn’t ever there in the first place. It’s nothing out of the ordinary, but it amazes Koushi, how much control the Summoner has. Suddenly, Koushi feels crushed by the defeat. All Summoners are considered peers and Kyungsoo, is dead despite appearing to be strong.

 

“It’s late,” Oikawa comments, “We should set up camp here.”

 

Koushi agrees, because it will be colder on Mount Gagazet at night. It’s better for them to keep warm. Moving over to Ennoshita, Koushi takes the items in his bag out so that they can start setting up for camp. It’s easy work, now that Koushi has been at it for almost a year. The nature of setting up a place to sleep comes easily to him.

 

Once set up is complete, Koushi takes a piece of wood with a flame on it around with him. There’s another sphere that Koushi is searching for and he knows that they are easier to find at night because they glow neon blue. Koushi is at it for hours and when he thinks he finally found it, Oikawa sneaks up from behind him, offering to help as he waves his blade around recklessly causing a loud _crack_ to echo in the air.

 

Koushi wails, skidding on his knees over to where the sphere is shattered. “Oikawa!”

 

“Eh…?!” Oikawa swallows and Koushi can hear him backtracking away from the trouble that he is in.

 

Koushi just stares at the broken sphere in disbelief. He’d been looking for it all afternoon and Oikawa had to go and throw his blade right at it as if he were hunting fish in the sea. And then he pulls it out, with a small gasp. The glass shell of the sphere splits with a crack and the blue liquid taken from Macalania Woods ooze out, emptying out the contents of High Summoner Jongdae’s sphere. Huffing Koushi gives Oikawa a whack and then kneels to pick up the pieces.

 

“I’m sorry?” Oikawa chuckles nervously. “It’s not… High Summoner Jongdae’s… is it?”

 

“How am I supposed to know!” Koushi cries because there’s no way of checking now. All the memory that was in there flows out now that the object is broken. “I can’t believe you!”

 

Koushi heaves a heavy sigh and then makes his way back to camp. He’s not childish enough to actually ignore Oikawa for it, but he’s annoyed. It feels like Koushi has broken a part of his pilgrimage’s routine. This was most likely to have been the last one. Koushi was sure, that he would have gotten some enlightenment out of it. High Summoner Jongdae would probably share Koushi’s feelings. All Koushi had wanted to do with the sphere was to confirm his feelings.

 

“I’m sorry…” Oikawa winces slightly backing away. “I was only trying to help…”

 

Koushi glares and it’s probably lethal because Oikawa staggers backwards and breaks into a sprint shortly after. When he turns back to look, Koushi shifts his feet across the dirt, a trick as if he were going to give chase just to see Oikawa run faster. It brings a laugh out of his chest, but Koushi holds onto the pieces of the sphere, a little saddened by it, but overall content. High Summoner’s Jongdae had been a delight to follow, but from this point onwards, Koushi will need to go on his own.

 

 

 

 

 

Mount Gagazet is cold and chilly. It’s just as cold as Macalania but Koushi is still not used to the weather. His hand shake and his teeth chatter without stopping and nothing, not even the flame can sooth the trembling. For Oikawa who has lived most of his life at Macalania Temple, where Shiva resides, Mount Gagazet is almost like home. Koushi’s not too fond of the cold because home at Besaid has always been slightly more tropical.

 

Koushi can’t sleep that night. Zanarkand is just on the other side of the mountain. It’s something Koushi has known will come, if he successful completes his pilgrimage, but still, it scares him. Death hasn’t ever been far from Koushi. It’s always close, in the form of pyerfliers, but closer, because the threat is Sin is always around—until the Calm anyway. Koushi had been prepared to give up his life to seal Sin away, but that’s only because he didn’t have anything to hold onto.

 

(Now, he might, maybe, if he could. He can’t.)

 

Oikawa slips closer to the fire and sits down besides Koushi, shoulders touching. “Are you worried?”

 

Koushi scoffs, “Was Lord Matsukawa?”

 

“Yes,” Oikawa nods gently. “I think we all were.”

 

“But you’ve chosen to do it again,” Koushi reasons. “It must be worth it.”

 

Whenever Koushi brings up the matter of _worth_ in correlation with the pilgrimage, Oikawa’s answer is always silence. Koushi wants to know what it is that is holding Oikawa back from affirming it. It’s a secret that Oikawa holds close to heart but if Koushi doesn’t know, he can’t ever make the decision in Oikawa’s favour.

 

“Oikawa…?”

 

Catching Koushi off guard, Oikawa holds onto Koushi’s shoulder and then leans forward, attempting to invade Koushi’s personal space. Koushi’s eyes widen, but he’s not shocked enough to stay still. Turning away timely, Koushi pushes away just an inch, to make some space for himself. Oikawa’s grip had not been tight anyway and Koushi had been let free the moment that he tensed up. Even if Oikawa is a jerk, at least he is able to read the signs. For that, Koushi is thankful. There’s always a line. Koushi is glad that they haven’t crossed it.

 

“Choose me,” Oikawa says, pulling away naturally, like Koushi hadn’t rejected him in the first place. “I want to be it for you.”

 

Koushi stares at Oikawa and Oikawa stares back evenly. There’s nothing there but Koushi _aches_ , like how old wounds ache when the weather is cold. What Oikawa wants, is not to be _Koushi’s_ , but to be with Sir Iwaizumi, as it’s the only thing that he knows. It’s the only thing that Koushi is sure of when it comes to Oikawa. There can be nothing else there. Koushi can’t ask him to stop because that’d be like saying _you’re hurting me_ outright. Instead, Koushi pulls a smile across his lips and pats Oikawa’s shoulder lightly.

 

“It’s late,” Koushi comments as he gets up and walks back to the bed that’s been made for him. “Goodnight.”

 

Rolling into the blankets that Ennoshita has set out for him, Koushi curls into himself and wills his eyes not to shed any tears. The High Summoner Jongdae had said in one of his spheres that one should not take their loved ones on the pilgrimage. Koushi probably doesn’t know love, but it’s a strange feeling that he has concerning Oikawa, like how he doesn’t know whether he wants Oikawa around or not.

 

 

 

 

 

The walk from Mount Gagazet to Zanarkand is silent. Koushi barely has words to say anything reassuring to his friends and sole Guardian. The choice of the one to become the Final Aeon is weighing down on them all. Koushi should probably take the weight of their shoulders by telling them that he has already made his choice, but he doesn’t need them fighting over the position before they get there. Koushi should just tell them of his decision so that they don’t have to enter the ruins, but Koushi doesn’t know how to break it to them. Koushi knew that this day would come but it’s never been easy.

 

That’s exactly why, he had planned to go on the journey alone, to find Guardians outside of Besaid Island, but they did not allow him to go alone. It was hard enough to get most of the team of his back and agree to only take a few. Koushi would like to return them all, but it’s an impossible wish. It had been impossible to go alone but Koushi had hoped that he will eventually gain the service of another Guardian along the way so he didn’t have to choose his friends. That had been Oikawa but Koushi didn’t plan on becoming so close, so close that it’ll hurt to make him the Final Aeon.

 

“Will you be alright?” Ennoshita staggers behind until he matches Koushi’s pace. “I heard you last night.”

 

“Of course,” Koushi nods, willing the redness in his cheeks to stay hidden. “I’ll be just fine.”

 

Ennoshita eyes him carefully, “But…”

 

“Ennoshita,” Koushi laughs softly as he presses his fingers into Ennoshita’s arms. “I’m an adult you know. I can live without it.”

 

Ennoshita eyes him and Koushi shrugs off the concern. It’s only for a moment longer. It’s not like Koushi ever had Oikawa’s affection to begin with, so there’s no need for him to mourn the loss of something he never had. That would be a pointless exercise that Koushi need not waste his remaining energy on.

 

Ennoshita pauses for a moment as if selecting his words, but then decides that straightforward is the best way to go about it, “What about him?”

 

“What about him?” Koushi chuckles, “He’s an adult too. And we both know that _living_ isn’t what he wants.”

 

Koushi might hold affections for Oikawa but that doesn’t mean that he’ll die without him (funny, Koushi will die regardless, but that’s beside the point). Koushi can accept rejection, even if it’s not said outright. Oikawa doesn’t have to say it. Koushi has long accepted it and knows that he might be a little cruel, but he’s not the perfect human being. A Summoner he may try to be, but not in the sense that it will take away all the aspects that makes him human.

 

“ _With_ you,” Ennoshita sighs, because it’s not a topic that he wants to breach yet. “It’s not about living. Being with you is different.”

 

Koushi shakes his head and keeps quiet about the person he knows as Sir Iwaizumi. Koushi is curious about what kind of person Iwaizumi is. He seems rough from the short fraction that Koushi had seen him in the sphere, but Koushi gets the sense that he’s kind and sweet. Koushi is sure that Iwaizumi had been good for Oikawa. That’s why it doesn’t matter what it is Koushi wants. It’s not even a matter of becoming more important to Oikawa, but rather that Koushi cannot become an existence significant enough for Oikawa to consider his feelings.

 

“I’ll be okay,” Koushi repeats. It’s the truth, but there’s no denying the fact that Koushi doesn’t have much of a choice in the matter either. They have gone too far for him to turn back now. Even if Koushi can’t have him, he’d be happy for Oikawa to be amongst the people that he will be protecting. “I’ve been okay about it for a while now.”

 

Ennoshita takes the time to study Koushi, as if he will be able to detect the lie. Once he’s satisfied that Koushi is spoken the truth, he drops the topic. If there were a way out, Ennoshita would tell Koushi to face the problem, because that’s more like him, but they don’t have a solution.

 

“Don’t sweat it,” Koushi says, because he’s done that and he’s over it now.

 

Ennoshita frowns, but nods, promising his silence, for what’s left of the pilgrimage and of course, promising to keep Koushi’s secret from their other, protective friends. Koushi thanks him with a smile and proceeds on foot again, light and airy steps without the weight of the conversation on his back to carry. Either way, what Koushi has said is not really a lie. If there was a chance, Koushi would be able to live without Oikawa. It’s been decided a long time ago and Koushi has been okay with his decision. It’s actually made everything a little more comfortable.

 

The encounter last night had been a surprise and now, a pleasant memory for Koushi to hold onto but that’s all it is. It’s not like his life depends on Oikawa’s. Koushi may be attached, he might feel affection, but he’s not the type to be tied down like that. The fact that Koushi doesn’t have to worry about it is what makes it easier. And maybe, it’s not so much Oikawa that Koushi’s attracted to, but the Oikawa that’s _in love_ with Iwaizumi. It’s kind of fascinating because someone who loves shines in a rather beautiful way.

 

 

 

 

 

It’s not like Koushi is waiting for it, but it doesn’t surprise him when the topic comes up again. There’s nothing else that Oikawa has consistently bought up between the two of them. Koushi has become used to it and is actually slightly entertained when he thinks about _how_ Oikawa will bring it up this time.

 

“You only need one of us,” Oikawa says over the fire that Ennoshita has cast. “So choose me, Kou-chan.”

 

Koushi raises a brow at Oikawa’s suggestion, like it’s strange, like it’s novel because he knows that is the reaction that irks Oikawa the most. However, for Koushi, it rings a bell, just like the first time that they met—or well, when Oikawa had invited himself to the table at the tavern in Luca.

 

“I know,” Koushi says in response finally. “I’ve been well aware since the beginning.”

 

It’s definitely not the response that Oikawa had been expecting, because he shows an exasperated expression in return. Koushi just smiles and shifts away from the fire, pretending to look around. It’s a weak pretense, because there’s nothing in Zanarkand but ruins and Koushi knows how horrible his attempt is.

 

“Kou-chan,” Oikawa whines and Koushi can hear his footsteps shuffling along.

 

“Are you picking a fight?” Shimizu cuts in.

 

Koushi buries his head into his palms. He knew that she wasn’t asleep yet. There’s no way any of them could sleep tonight. And of course, if Shimizu is up, then it means that Ennoshita and Asahi are just as awake. Before Koushi knows it, they’ve all gathered around him. It’s a topic that Koushi has avoided bringing up because it’s one that hurts, but he knows that they have all been thinking about it.

 

From the way that they have gathered, Koushi knows that he will be in for a storm. They haven’t discussed it at all, so he knows that Asahi and Ennoshita will be nervous. However, Koushi has always known that Shimizu has always been guarded on this matter. Despite formally accepting Oikawa as a comrade, she’s always been cautious of him, watching carefully so that he doesn’t taint Koushi with his ideas and commands. It seems like Asahi and Ennoshita have been watching quietly because for the first time, they raise an objection.

 

“Why do you want it, Oikawa?” Asahi interrogates.

 

“That’s right,” Ennoshita continues, staring at Oikawa carefully, “You’ve wanted the position from the start. I actually believe that that is your goal over Suga’s wellbeing… if we can call it that...”

 

Koushi can see his friends wincing. Koushi’s wellbeing is only to be maintained until he obtains the Final Aeon. Ennoshita is being careful about what he says, knowing that Oikawa will nitpick. However, it seems that Oikawa approves because he smirks but doesn’t pick on the point. The four of them have done the same thing by walking Koushi through Spira and right to his death.

 

“Why don’t you?” Oikawa returns like it’s natural to want to be chosen as the Final Aeon, “You are Kou-chan’s Guardian. Neither of you have voiced your wish to go with him.”

 

There is a moment of silence and Koushi knows that his friends _know_. This thing about this whole pilgrimage is that Koushi has never truly considered his friends as his Guardians. If they were to ask Koushi, the only one that Koushi has considered his Guardian is _Oikawa_. But that’s something Koushi is going to keep hidden because letting that information out, would be giving Oikawa the greatest advantage yet. If only Oikawa is the Guardian then Koushi does not have a choice.

 

“It’s not that we haven’t,” Ennoshita cuts in with a frown and Koushi knows that it’s one meant for his supposed indecisiveness. “It’s that it’s Suga’s choice. We’ve already chosen to go on the pilgrimage with the mindset that it will be one of us.”

 

They all know that it’s a burden to Koushi, but no one else can make this decision for him. Koushi would rather suffer than to see them fight for the position of the Final Aeon. Of all of his Guardians, only Oikawa has voiced his desire to be the Final Aeon. That could easily be a deciding factor, but Koushi knows that Oikawa has other reasons for wanting the position that he’s not willing to share so Koushi can’t risk it.

 

“Stop,” Koushi says, standing between them. There are questions he would ask, for all of Oikawa’s insistence, but Koushi has decided and Koushi doesn’t need to waver at the last moment. They’ve suffered through the journey but he can finally see the end. “I’ve made my decision already. I’m not changing my mind so just, stop. And sleep.”

 

Oikawa looks like he wants to ask about the choice, like he wants to try and change Koushi’s mind but Koushi doesn’t give him a chance. Koushi could easily be persuaded—Oikawa knows the right things to say, so he knows to avoid giving Oikawa the chance. Koushi tells them to sleep because he wants some peace and quiet. It’d be good if he could sleep too, but Koushi ends up twisting and turning within his blanket. Eyes kept wide open, Koushi stays up to watch the sunrise, accepting that it’s the start of the end.

 

 

 

 

 

Koushi had thought that the ruins of Zanarkand would be a sight, but seeing the first ever High Summoner is worse. Lady Yunalesca is the most intimidating Koushi has ever met. She gathers, like a fiend gathers and the pyerflies coil tightly to make up her body. Koushi thinks that he might end up like that too, if he decides that defeating Sin isn’t the end of his mission. But Koushi would not want to stay back alone in the world. It’d be unfair to those that are around him. Lady Yunalesca is different. Lady Yunalesca has a purpose, the purpose of passing on the method to obtain the Final Aeon to Summoners so that they can exercise Sin.

 

Lady Yunalesca is not what Koushi expected her to be and that shouldn’t really be surprising because Summoners are all different, but Koushi feels slightly chilled at the sight of her. Maybe it’s her choice of attire, or maybe it’s her demeanour altogether, but it’s not something that Koushi has to get to know. Putting his thoughts aside, Koushi greets her politely, in hopes that she will acknowledge his pilgrimage.

 

“Congratulations Summoner,” Lady Yunalesca smiles.

 

“Ah yes…” Koushi nods, “Thank you.”

 

Lady Yunalesca hums in acknowledgement as she scans Koushi and his friends. Koushi lets her do as she likes. Lady Yunalesca is probably sizing them all up. However, the choice is not _hers_ , it is one that belongs solely to Koushi. And so, he doesn’t worry about what it is that she may think because Koushi is the only one that can decide. Without his will, it cannot be done.

 

“My my,” Lady Yunalesca greets. “What do we have here? A repeat of history?”

 

Koushi blinks, feeling himself zoning back in as soon as she speaks. A repeat of history is exactly what the pilgrimage is all about. That is, until a Summoner manages to defeat Sin for good. Koushi doesn’t really care what Lady Yunalesca’s preamble is. If it’s long, then it will just delay the process, if it’s short, Koushi will need to make up his mind, but it’s something that is inevitable.

 

“I am Sugawara Koushi,” Koushi informs her with a formal bow. “A Summoner from Besaid Island. I’ve come to ask for your guidance.”

 

Lady Yunalesca nods, “Then I take it that you’ve chosen your Final Aeon.”

 

Koushi doesn’t expect her to beat around the bush, but she really doesn’t cut him any slack. Lady Yunalesca is cruel, unlike anyone Koushi has ever met on this journey. Although she doesn’t look it, Koushi can _feel_ it. Everyone has told him that she is kind, being the very first High Summoner, but Koushi can only think of her as cold. But of course she would be, especially after what she had done to Lord Zaon. He wants to inform Akaashi, who is a dear friend, who loves all his Guardians with everything that he has, but Koushi has the confidence that they will protect him until the end.

 

“I…” Koushi hesitates because he’s now scared of making his choice. “I…”

 

Koushi thinks about why he’s hesitating. He knows it deep down, but right now, Koushi is a little lost, immersed in a greater responsibility. There is something important that he needs to ask the very first High Summoner. She would be able to answer his question better than anyone else. Lady Yunalesca is the only other person who will know of Oikawa’s first pilgrimage.

 

“May I ask you something, Lady Yunalesca?”

 

She prompts him to continue but instead of asking out loud, Koushi takes tentative steps forward. His friends follow, but Koushi turns to reassure them with a smile. Lady Yunalesca doesn’t seem to mind but she indulges him. She’s at complete ease, opening her arms even, to welcome Koushi as he advances. It seems like this isn’t a situation that is new to her. Koushi doesn’t dwell on it because the question that he has is personal.

 

“I’m sure you can tell me,” Koushi starts with a small smile. It’s really now or never. “Why my Guardian here wants so badly to be the Final Aeon.”

 

Even at a distance, Koushi can feel Oikawa stiffening as if he can hear Koushi’s question. It’s probably something he hadn’t expected and Koushi doesn’t really want to ask. He’s been sitting on the choice for a long while, but knew that there was no way that he could get the information out of Oikawa. Now, is Koushi’s only chance to find out. Lady Yunalesca shifts on her feet to finally peer at Oikawa—who has been hiding from her view. As soon as she spots him in hiding, she smiles and Koushi can’t quiet tell what she’s trying to convey there.

 

“Which of your Guardians are you referring to?”

 

Koushi twitches at her response but turns stiffly to indicate who he is talking about. Lady Yunalesca peels her eyes away from Koushi and places them on Oikawa instead. Something like recognition flickers in her eyes and Koushi knows that he has asked the right person.

 

“Oh you pitiful thing,” Lady Yunalesca coos with a smile, hand caressing Koushi’s cheek ever so lightly. “You call him _Sir_ Oikawa? Not _Lord_?”

 

Koushi blinks, taken aback, “Excuse me?”

 

“Lord Oikawa,” Lady Yunalesca affirms and it’s what Koushi fears as the worst. It’s not something that Koushi has thought about, but as she speaks, everything seems to fall into place. “More than ten years ago, he went on a pilgrimage, though he never completed it. There was no Guardian to be his Final Aeon.”

 

“But…”

 

“Not yet,” Lady Yunalesca grins and it brings a shudder down Koushi’s spine. “That, wasn’t the answer to the question you asked me.”

 

The fact that there’s more scares Koushi. It’s exactly as he feared. There’s more and maybe, it’s _that_. Koushi has always known that something was off with Oikawa, but he had always stopped himself from questioning the _pilgrimage_. However, right now, Koushi can feel all of his efforts crumbling.

 

“You know,” Lady Yunalesca concludes, upon reading his expression.

 

“I might,” Koushi admits. “It’s hypothetical…”

 

Lady Yunalesca prompts him to propose his hypothesis and Koushi swallows the thick lump in his throat. Koushi hopes that Lady Yunalesca will shut him down, tells him he’s being ridiculous but Koushi doesn’t think it’ll go that way.

 

“Is _he_ Sin?” Koushi questions carefully, watching every movement on Lady Yunalesca’s face. “Sir Iwaizumi, I mean.”

 

She blinks, surprised before nodding, “Yes.”

 

She does open her mouth to speak, but none of the things that she says is what Koushi expects. It all makes sense and Koushi can only feel betrayal. Koushi listens carefully as Lady Yunalesca explains it to him. He can feel his friends inching closer and that only prompts him to take a step further into Lady Yunalesca’s space. She smiles gently at him, placing a hand on his shoulder and then continues quietly, whispering in his ear, all the fears that Koushi has come to anticipate. While Koushi remains stiff, Lady Yunalesca pulls away, smile still perfectly placed on her features.

 

Sir Iwaizumi, had become to the Final Aeon to break through Sin’s armour, only to fall victim, becoming the next armour, which takes a total of ten years to reform. That’s what they have been calling the Calm. That’s been the reality of every pilgrimage before Koushi’s own.

 

Lady Yunalesca doesn’t even have to continue for Koushi see the picture clearly. There were two Summoners on that pilgrimage, High Summoner Matsukawa and Oikawa. Koushi can only think of a back-to-back approach and it is truly a truly clever idea. If it had worked out, then of course, there would be a longer period of peace for all of Spira. But it didn’t work out. Something went wrong somewhere.

 

“Is that an adequate answer, Summoner?”

 

More than adequate would be the answer, if Koushi can get the words out to praise her for her sufficiency. It’s unfortunate that Koushi cannot reply, standing stiff to process the gravity of Lady Yunalesca’s words. What she has just told him does not correspond with anything that Koushi has been taught all his life. Nothing makes sense, but at the same time, it starts to file together like gears that are finally in perfect place. It makes sense, the reason for the Calm being a short time frame of ten years each time a Summoner defeats Sin. However, Koushi finds it hard to accept, that the sacrifice of both the Summoner and their Guardian means nothing.

 

“You’re saying that this is the truth?” Koushi whispers.

 

Lady Yunalesca nods, without any hesitation, “There’s no reason for me to lie.”

 

Koushi clenches his fists together and clamps down on his mouth to make sure that he doesn’t sob. However, the adrenaline rush that goes through Koushi disappears just as quickly as it comes. Before Koushi can do anything about it, Lady Yunalesca acts first. Gasping quietly, Koushi lowers his eyes to the pain in his chest and he can feel his eyes widening as he realises that her hand has pierced him right through the chest.

 

“Suga!”

 

The gush of wind caused by Lady Yunalesca’s force is like a warning siren. Alarm strikes in his friends and Koushi can feel them shifting forward. Instantly, he puts his hand up, signalling for them to stop where they stand. Koushi cannot let them see this.

 

Koushi’s mouth moves before his brain can process the gravity of it all, “I’m fine.”

 

They halt in their steps at his command and Koushi sighs in relief. Koushi had felt it, but nothing is set in stone yet. He can’t quite wrap his head around it. Koushi knew that all Summoners had it in them to vicious but Lady Yunalesca doesn’t hold back at all. It brings a bitter smile to his face, because either way, this was a result that Koushi had been anticipating. The only comfort is the fact that he hasn’t taken anyone with him.

 

“You thought about sending me,” Lady Yunalesca states innocently, as she pulls her hand clean. “Spira doesn’t need a Summoner like you.”

 

Koushi smiles dimly in response. It’s amazing how Lady Yunalesca had been able to tell. Koushi’s intents are usually well concealed, especially when he holds ill will. Well, she is a High Summoner for a reason. Koushi would have to agree with her. Koushi isn’t the best Summoner around and he knows that he will never be.

 

“You should say your goodbyes,” Lady Yunalesca tells him, as if it’s her last bit of kindness before she disperses like all the other pyerflies in Spira. “Or you can stay and become his Final Aeon instead.”

 

Koushi slouches after Lady Yunalesca pulls away. Any strength that Koushi had been keeping in his stance fades and Koushi relaxes, only because the pain is gone and so is the threat. Lady Yunalesca has not threatened Koushi with his friends but she doesn’t need to. Even if Koushi were to tell them, nothing will change. No one in Spira would believe that they have to say and Koushi can’t say it either.

 

Sighing, Koushi pulls himself together and tightens the cape around his shoulders, to hide the wound Lady Yunalesca has left behind. Holding the material together, Koushi turns around to his friends with a smile pulled tightly across his lips. Lady Yunalesca has said that he could stay, but here’s no way that Koushi could do that without feeling guilty. The burden on those that he cares about will only increase, because Koushi is now nothing but a fragment of what used to be.

 

“Suga…?”

 

Oikawa seems more pressed, “Kou-chan?”

 

Koushi smiles because he does not have the words to explain himself. Goodbye might be a good response to them, but it feels sudden and out of place. How could Koushi do this to them? It might even be worse than making them walk him to death’s door. For everything that has happened on this pilgrimage, the reassurance was that they would not allow Koushi to go alone. One of them was always going to come along. That’s the way the pilgrimage is set up. Koushi has taken that away from them and the weight is lifted from his shoulders, but now, there’s a different weight. He can he face his friends? And how will they return home only to be questioned constantly for their failure to protect Koushi until the end?

 

“I’ve decided,” Koushi tells them, laughing lightly.

 

It’s not a laughing matter, but Koushi’s emotions are going haywire. Koushi cannot control it, not when he thinks about the things that Lady Yunalesca has said and the way that Oikawa is looking at him right now. It’s an accusatory look and Koushi can understand Oikawa’s frustration. He has gone on another pilgrimage, all for this moment and Koushi has easily taken it away from him.

 

“Only Oikawa needs to stay,” Koushi announces and he looks away, refusing to meet his friend’s accusatory gazes—Shimizu’s especially. “You can leave first.”

 

“Suga—”

 

“Go,” Koushi pleads and closes his eyes. “You said you’d respect my choice.”

 

Oikawa had used him, but more that Oikawa has never told the truth or revealed his true intentions. Koushi would have been mad at first but he would have understood and he probably would have distanced himself from Oikawa just a bit more. It might not have helped and it might not have changed anything regarding Koushi’s decision, but to have full knowledge and to be able to decide with all that knowledge would have been preferable to nothing.

 

Koushi has always known that Oikawa holds a lot of personal information back but this is not personal. This is something that will concern Koushi and the one who will become his Final Aeon. If it’s not something that’s worth it, Oikawa as _Koushi’s_ Guardian should have told him before they got to this point.

 

“What did you say to her?” Oikawa demands as he grabs hold of Koushi’s shoulder to shake him. “Did you say you were giving up?”

 

“Oikawa,” Koushi says and it lacks affect because Koushi _can’t_ repeat them. Even if he won’t ask Oikawa about his omissions, Koushi will not allow Oikawa to toy with him like this. “Do you expect me to give you everything and get nothing in return, because I won’t be around once I defeat Sin?”

 

“Kou-chan…” Oikawa falters, fidgeting with his hands and eyes turned away from Koushi.

 

“Do my feelings not exist because I won’t if I complete my pilgrimage?”

 

“That’s not—” Oikawa runs a hand through his hair and huffs. “I need to be the Final Aeon. That’s all.”

 

Koushi asks. “That’s why Lord Akaashi would have been good too?”

 

Anyone would have done for Oikawa’s objective. It didn’t have to be Koushi, but he’d surely been fooled into thinking that he had become important. Hanamaki has probably read Oikawa wrong, just as Koushi has. This is why Koushi would rather not _know_ people, or better yet, let allow himself to think that he knows someone. The betrayal is harsher than reality.

 

“And was that the contents of High Summoner Jongdae’s sphere?”

 

Now that Koushi thinks about it, it’s probably the _last_ one of High Summoner Jongdae’s whole collection. It would have contained the truth if it was taken after he obtained his Final Aeon. And it all makes sense now because Oikawa had _intentionally_ broken it. Koushi was a fool for not noticing earlier.

 

Koushi has to hold back a scoff out of the obligation that’s been drilled into him. There’s no way Koushi would ever go through a ritual that will make his friends _Sin_. It had been a goal that he was working towards with the hopes of a better life for everyone else, but that has been a lie. Now that Koushi knows, there’s no way that he would take that path. Even in his death, Koushi would not allow something like that to happen. That’s not freedom, that’s suffering.

 

It has been decided from the start, but this pilgrimage has changed a lot of things. Koushi had been very tempted to choose Oikawa just so that he can send his friends home, but then he started to want Oikawa to live as well. It was conflicting and had remained conflicting up until this point in time. Now, it’s easy.

 

“If anyone,” Koushi yells in anger because everything has been a lie. Nothing is genuine, save for Koushi’s own feelings, which will now remain a secret. Oikawa doesn’t deserve to know any of it. “It’d be you. For dragging Sin along to Besaid, for taking Dachi, Yachi, Michimiya and Kinoshita from us. If anyone it should be you.”

 

“That…” Oikawa frowns and then turns away, “I’m—”

 

It’s definitely a pretense. Oikawa seems satisfied with Koushi’s outburst, but Koushi can’t let him have that. There’s no way Koushi would let Oikawa have that satisfaction. Koushi had said it before, but he’s not the nicest around and the malice he feels today is real.

 

“But that’s what you want,” Koushi scoffs. As expected of Oikawa. Koushi had almost fallen into that one. “That’d be exactly what you want.”

 

“Kou-chan…”

 

“I was wrong,” Koushi mumbles to himself.

 

Koushi needs to put the pieces back together again. Oikawa does not wish to become the Final Aeon so that he can join Iwaizumi in the Farplane. He plans to take over Iwaizumi’s position as Sin—to stop his killing rampage, because that’s the only solution he can think of. Koushi had been a fool to think otherwise. They love each other. How could Iwaizumi stand to let Oikawa become Sin? And how could Oikawa let Iwaizumi continue to be Sin?

 

“Sir Iwaizumi,” Koushi throws Oikawa a hardened stare, because this is the right piece of information, this is the truth. “Is Sin, is he not? He loves you, so he follows you around Spira. Just to see you, Sin comes and takes lives of innocent people. You _know_ that and you—”

 

“Kou-chan,” Oikawa interrupts and he has the audacity to look sorry, even as he tries to justify himself. “I’m doing this now, to stop him.”

 

It sounds good in theory, but in practice, there’s nothing holding it together. Nothing will change, if they continue to repeat the tradition that has been handed down to them. Everything that has come out of Oikawa’s mouth is a filthy lie. Koushi has no room to complain because he has secrets of his own, but he can’t help the hurt feeling in his chest. Oikawa had asked to be Koushi’s, but his heart had never been here. Koushi is the fool for taking him seriously.

 

“Only to _become_ Sin?” Koushi throws back at him because Oikawa’s choice changes nothing with the way that they’ve always attempted to exercise Sin. “What will do you as Sin? Continue his work?”

 

“It’s out of his control!” Oikawa replies defensively and that’s the loudest he’s raised his voice at Koushi. It’s also the first time Oikawa’s eyes display any emotion, like sadness, eyes fluttering nervously just like how flowers wither. “Don’t speak as if you know him.”

 

“I don’t know him,” Koushi admits but Oikawa must be missing something because if Koushi—Koushi, the person who hasn’t ever met Iwaizumi knows, Oikawa should know better than anyone else. “But I do know that he didn’t allow you to go through with this.”

 

Oikawa falters, unable to argue on that point and Koushi turns away. Koushi doesn’t need to see that pained expression and more importantly, Koushi doesn’t need to say _I won’t let you either_. Oikawa doesn’t deserve to know. These are words that are okay to be left unsaid. Koushi can’t make good on his words anymore anyway.

 

“Kou-chan…”

 

“I’ve made my decision,” Koushi states and it’s the easiest one yet. “It’s as I expected. I don’t need you.”

 

It has always been hard to give Shimizu what she wished for. Koushi knew the consequences of the pilgrimage, but he never wanted his friends as Guardians. They made the choice harder, but there isn’t anything easier now that he knows the truth. Koushi doesn’t need a tradition that relies upon sacrifice after sacrifice. Koushi is not brave enough to fight for the world. All he wanted was a time of peace for his family and friends. None of that exists if Sin is to keep returning no matter what it is that the Summoners before him did and the Summoners after him will do.

 

“I am rejecting this tradition,” Koushi says before Oikawa can persuade him otherwise.

 

Koushi had stopped being afraid of dying when he was young and then stopped being afraid of being the sacrifice to defeat Sin when he decided to be a good Summoner on his way to Zanarkand, but this is not the end that he was working towards. Koushi cannot die a Summoner, allow the cycle repeat and let Oikawa take over Iwaizumi’s position as Sin and to continue his work.

 

“We should abandon this false hope,” Koushi retorts, fists clenched tightly enough that it hurts his hands more than his heart hurts. “Why would you want to repeat it?”

 

“Don’t you want the Calm for your team?” Oikawa asks him and Oikawa knows that this is Koushi’s weakness, Koushi’s reasons for going on this pilgrimage. The massacre that had occurred in Besaid Island two years ago had been a trigger. “Your Guardians? Don’t you want to send them home?”

 

“You don’t get to say that to me,” Koushi spits out because Oikawa had lied, whether or not Koushi has figured it all. That’s an unfortunate truth that won’t change, not now that Koushi knows. “You lied to me every step here.”

 

“Kou-chan, I—”

 

“I am not worth this journey,” Koushi says and he echoes Hanamaki’s sentiment so that he can see the hurt in Oikawa’s eyes and cannot bring himself to stop even if it’s hurting him too. “I am not. So I won’t ask anyone to sacrifice their life for it.”

 

Oikawa stares for the longest time as he registers what it is that Koushi has said. Although it’s been well hidden, Oikawa’s secrets have been revealed. If not for Lady Yunalesca, who has overseen every pilgrimage, Koushi would have never known. For that, Koushi is a fraction thankful, but at the same time, resentful.

 

“So you’re giving up?” Oikawa accuses. “Just like that?”

 

_Just like that._ Oikawa makes it sound like Koushi hasn’t given it much thought. It wasn’t a difficult choice, but it’s not a matter that Koushi had settled _just like that_. In the same way that Oikawa wants to free Sir Iwaizumi, Koushi wants to protect his friends from that kind of fate. However, if it is something that Oikawa desperately wants, there is one way to do it, as Lady Yunalesca has suggested. Koushi scoffs at Oikawa. He wasn’t going to let it go this far, but Oikawa keeps pushing.

 

“If this must go on, I would be willing to be your Fayth, _Lord Oikawa_ ,” Koushi offers, knowing very well that Oikawa can’t take that option. But it will work, as Lady Yunalesca has suggested. Oikawa is a Summoner and Koushi could very well have been his Guardian on this pilgrimage. “It would be an honour to help you with your cause.”

 

“Kou-chan…” Oikawa stutters, staggering backwards, the shock and surprise spilt all over his perfect face. Koushi relishes in the way that it twists into hurt. “You…”

 

Oikawa cannot take that option. Their bond is not deep enough. It might be on Koushi’s end but it’s not Oikawa’s. That much has always been clear to Koushi. Their relationship doesn’t need to be a reciprocal one but Oikawa doesn’t even hold that much affection for Koushi to be able to make Koushi a strong Final Aeon. That has always been the case and Koushi knows, that’s why he made his offer. It’s a cruel thing to do, but it’s not crueller than allowing Oikawa to become his Final Aeon to replace Sir Iwaizumi as Sin.

 

Oikawa stares at Koushi for a long while before biting down on his lip and then, staggering backwards, “I can’t.”

 

It doesn’t matter what the answer is. Koushi’s offer had no merit to begin with. The only reason he had said it was to hurt Oikawa. In truth, Koushi couldn’t do that to the people that he would be leaving behind. Save them now and hurt them later. As much as Koushi would like to help Oikawa free Iwaizumi from the torment, it’s just not something that’s worth it in Koushi’s eyes.

 

“I know,” Koushi laughs bitterly, “So we can part ways here.”

 

Koushi doesn’t bother saying his goodbyes to the High Summoner. She doesn’t need it and nor does Koushi want to give it to her. It’s not necessary, because Koushi doesn’t wish to be in her company any longer and he is sure that Lady Yunalesca couldn’t care less for a Summoner like himself. So many Summoners before Koushi could choose the greater good; even the High Summoner Jongdae who Koushi has learnt is more childish than anyone else, loved his Guardian like no other. It’s a shame that Koushi cannot bring himself to do the same.

 

“Suga…?”

 

His friends approach just as tentatively as they call out to him. They must be thinking that the ritual to create the Final Aeon is complete but Koushi just shakes his head in response. Koushi hasn’t yet thought through how he is to tell his friends yet. It’ll probably come in a few moments, but right now, he is at a loss as to what to say first, apologise or explain. Either way, they won’t be happy but Koushi wants the impact to be as light as possible.

 

“I’m quitting,” Koushi states shortly after noticing their anticipation. “Just not fit to be a Summoner, you know.”

 

“…Suga?” Asahi asks tentatively.

 

It’s not a surprise that they sense that something is wrong. Koushi’s not the best liar around and the weight around him is heavier than he can feel. Sighing, Koushi pulls Asahi along and that causes Ennoshita and Shimizu to follow. There’s nowhere in the Zanarkand to rest, but Koushi wants to go a little further than the Chambers.

 

“What happened…?” Shimizu asks, quietly.

 

Koushi can’t help but heave another sigh, as if it would help. It doesn’t, but they give him some space and some time. It’s always been enough for them to understand that Koushi needs a few more moments to gather his words. It’s a short process once the words come. Koushi spills out everything that he needs to and they soak it in only to flush it back out again with confusion. Koushi ends up laughing because he doesn’t know how else to respond. Ennoshita is the first of them to comprehend the gravity of the situation. Before anyone else, Ennoshita twists his body around, ready to sprint back to the Chamber.

 

“Ennoshita!” Koushi hisses, grabbing onto Ennoshita’s wrist and pulling him back. “There’s nothing to be done about it… so don’t bother.”

 

Koushi’s efforts of keeping them safe will be wasted. Lady Yunalesca is beyond Koushi’s ability to defeat, let alone his friends. Koushi doesn’t want any more harm to come their way. Koushi wants them to go home. Even without the honour, so long as they are safe, Koushi is sure that the people back home won’t want anything more than their safety. Honour, has never been a big thing to them anyway. It’s not like there have never been Guardians who returned from failed pilgrimages either.

 

“It’s time to go home,” Koushi says.

 

There’s nothing left here for them to do. Koushi’s fate won’t change and keeping them any longer will mean that they will be watching him perish. It’s not something Koushi wants to subject them to, but he doesn’t think that he can control it any longer. Koushi knows his body best. The weight is lifting and he can feel the particles separating within him. Soon enough, Koushi will be like the rest, like pyerflies that are now just a part of someone he used to be.

 

“Let’s go then,” Shimizu suggests.

 

Koushi nods, but he cannot bring himself to move along with them. _Ah, so this is it,_ Koushi thinks as he looks down at his hand and then up at the backs of his friends. Koushi feels light and there’s not even a bleeding wound on him. Koushi has to let go now.

 

“Suga?” Asahi waves a hand in front of him and when he doesn’t respond, tries to nudge at Koushi’s shoulder only to latch onto a handful of pyerflies. “What—”

 

Lady Yunalesca had told him that he could stay, but there’s no way that is happening. Koushi would be a nuisance to his friends and family and to other Summoners after him. Koushi contemplates taking a step forward, forgoing everything for just another moment, but even when Koushi moves, he is reminded of his lack of existence. It’s enough of a reminder that Koushi no longer belongs.

 

“Sorry,” Koushi apologies, tears running down his cheeks. “Sorry.”

 

If he were to become a fiend one day because his desire to live grows beyond his control, then Koushi would lose all his essence. There’s no way Koushi can allow that to happen, no matter how he longs to be around for just another moment. It’s not happening if Koushi can choose it. The only difficult part about this is saying goodbye. How does Koushi even begin? And how long does he even have to convey his message, before his will fades along with his very being?

 

“Suga…?”

 

Koushi jerks his head and flashes his friends a small smile. Asahi is staring at him like a fish out of water but Koushi’s feet stay planted to go the ground. Quietly, Koushi shakes his head and gives them a little wave, hand fluttering away against the night wind. They are just as quiet in their realisation and Koushi shakes his head once again, requesting that they don’t take the matter to heart. No one could have avoided this. The only thing Koushi will accept them regretting is the short journey. Other than that, they have been everything that Koushi could have ever asked for.

 

“Go,” Koushi whispers, promising them the only thing he can. “You’ll see me in Guadosalam.”

 

They refuse to move and Koushi closes his eyes, exhaling a sigh even though he no longer needs to breathe.

 

“I don’t want you to see me like this,” Koushi begs. “Please.”

 

Koushi hears Shimizu sob, but he also hears rushed footsteps. A small smile forms on Koushi’s lips, thankful that they would honour him like this. Once all is quiet, Koushi opens his eyes again and drops to his back to look up at the night sky. The city that never sleeps is now just like Koushi. There’s not even a star in the sky. The only lights that Koushi can see are the particles of pyerflies floating in the air mixing with his own.

 

Koushi closes his eyes for a moment, breathing deep before opening them again. Koushi would like to see something other than pyerflies. But Oikawa’s face peering down at him and yelling something akin to _Kou-chan!_ is definitely not what he was expecting. Koushi thinks he raises a brow, because that’s what he wants to do but Oikawa looks hysterical and he feels like a laugh bubbles out of his chest. It’s so strange to see Oikawa distressed.

 

Oikawa opens his mouth and whispers and he’s desperately trying to get his message across. Koushi can see his lips moving but he can’t hear anything. Everything around him is quiet and that’s probably Koushi’s acceptance. Koushi has asked his friends for everything that he needs. Koushi is content to go. There’s nothing left for him here, nothing that he can have without consequences anyway. It’s easier to let go now than before. Light and fickle like pyerflies, Koushi closes his eyes again chooses to let everything go, to let himself fade and dissolve before Oikawa can catch him.

 

_Fin._


End file.
